156 North 12th Street, Revisited

January 13, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day, Other Shit, Williamsburg 

Last Saturday night Mr. Heather and I watched New York’s Bravest inspect the above-mentioned property. One week later walked by the same property (albeit on 11th Street) and found something else of interest.

135 North 11 Street Open Door

ANCOR’s open door policy.

C’mon In!

Anybody need a large space for wedding reception or a Bat Mitzvah? If so, I have found your place! What’s more, it is very affordable!

156 North 12 Street is becoming a veritable grab bag of fun. I can hardly wait to see what happens when they start building on this site. If the Department of Buildings “responsiveness” to the complaints lodged against this property are any indication, things should get very interesting.

131 N 11 Street Complaint

The above complaint was filed 11/28/07. Note the inspector’s comments. They are as follows:

SEE COMPLAINT #3245809 TO BE ROUTED FOR WORK W/O PERMIT

Here is “COMPLAINT 3245809”, it was filed 11/21/2007. Note the disposition…

135 North 11 Street Complaint

and by that I mean there isn’t one! What an effective strategy for reducing one’s workload! Instead of trifling with each and every stupid little complaint that comes in simply piggyback them on top each other! That way you look like you’re being efficient without actually doing any work. Genius!

Miss Heather

Photo du Jour: Mr. Heather Goes to Bushwick

January 13, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Mr. Heather's Kamera Korner 

Bushwick Avenue Tree

I am constantly amazed by the photographs my husband is taking nowadays— like this gem from Bushwick Avenue. Since I scored an AIA Guide to New York City dating from 1968 Mister H has been OUT OF CONTROL.

John Lindsay

Mr. Heather took Mr. Lindsay’s advice to heart. With a vengeance. He ventured into Bushwick this weekend and I could not stop him. I grabbed his leg (like the faithful wife I am) and exclaimed:

Do not go there! You are not worthy! It is not your turf. If you get beat up and robbed people will call you a douche bag*! I will not be able to take the humiliation!

Mr. Heather made it back. Intact. Clad in black (which is how he left our apartment—so much for “fronting”).

I suppose the douche bag bashers were off duty Saturday?

Miss Heather

*I’ve called my husband the aforementioned and much worse on many occasions.

Lipstick on a Pig Part II: Vomitus ‘R’ Us

January 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bushwick 

Homes ‘R’ Us

Homes R’ Us: I made their acquaintance September of 2007 when I took the below photograph of 100 Jefferson Street. This is one of their “developments”.

Jefferson Street 9/20/07

Despite the fact a stop work order had been issued for this property, men were quite busy working on these promised two family luxury homes.

Jefferson Street Worker

Feeling nostalgic (with the new year and all) I thought it would be fun to see how things were shaking in big bad 2008. So I looped by there this week and checked it out.

Jefferson Street Close-up

The finished product was pretty much what I expected.

Jefferson Street Luxury Homes

Is it just me or does the word “luxury” suggest a measure of scarcity and/or exclusivity? If so, wouldn’t a bunch of cookie-cutter row houses slathered together with stucco be the opposite of luxury? Just curious.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Noble Street

January 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Earlier this week we learned about the Santalope. Well, a few days later I found his sidekick…

Reingoose

I present to you, the Greenpoint Reingoose.

Miss Heather

Bambi Needs a Home

January 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Williamsburg 

Bambi, Headshot

I met this tuxedo-clad little lady last Saturday afternoon at BARC. Even though a whopping SEVEN of her “loft mates” got new homes that day, no one saw fit to give this wonderful cat so much as a second look. Today I hope to change that.

Bambi’s tummy

Bambi is an incredibly gentle and exceptionally sweet-natured girl. When I opened the cage she immediately rolled on her back and showed me her tummy. Follows is another tummy shot for all you cat belly enthusiasts out there.

Bambi

Bambi is approximately one year old, but being very small in stature, she has an incredibly kitten-like appearance.

Bambi like headrubs

She is also rather fond of head rubs.

bambi’s butt

Make that VERY FOND of head rubs. Note Bambi’s little nubbin of a tail . Tres cute!

If any of you, dear readers, have been considering adopting a cat but are worried about finding one with a good temperament and gentle disposition, consider giving Bambi a whirl. Go see how heartbreakingly sweet this little lady is for yourself at:

Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition
253 Wythe Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211
Adoption hours: Tuesday through Saturday, noon to 5:00 p.m.

Take my word for it: you will not be disappointed!

Miss Heather

Lipstick on a Pig: 624 Grand Street

January 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Call me psychic, but I never had high hopes for this building. It has looked like shit for years.

624 Grand Street

And now it looks worse.

Note the scaffolding: there is no permit whatsoever to be found on the Department of Building’s web site sanctioning it.

624 Grand Street

Hmm…

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Green Street

January 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

May pole

I guess the maypole arrived a little early this year.

Miss Heather

Back To Box Street

January 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been awhile since I have paid the fine chaps at 48 Box Street a visit. Today I did, albeit in an accidental fashion: as I was walking across the Pulaski Bridge I looked westward and there he was.

48 Box Street 1/10/08 1:45 pm

It was love at first sight. I was so smitten I even waved to him as I took the above photograph.

48 Box SWO

You have to admire a man who ignores a Stop Work Order.

Again.

Again.

And again.

Miss Heather

Manic Panicked: Miss Heather’s Amazing Discovery

January 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

I have been searching for a particular shade of Manic Panic for roughly 3 weeks. I will not say what color precipitated this quest because I don’t want people to know; they’d quickly figure out who I am and then I’d probably get deluged by people wanting autographs or (more likely) get spit on at the supermarket (I’m used to having lit cigarettes flung at me, so don’t even think about it). Let’s just say this hue is seemingly impossible to find. To this end I expanded my search to Manhattan. I even treaded north of 23rd Street; I am that desperate. All to no avail.

What do desperate people do when they have an itch they can’t scratch? They get on the Internets, that’s what! I checked out Manic Panic’s web site and learned they were having a sale at their headquarters this week.

And now for the punchline… (drumroll)
Here is where Tish and Snooky’s dream factory resides:

21-07 Borden Avenue
Floor 4
Long Island City, New York 11101

That’s right folks, in my own fucking backyard.

Today I ventured across the Pulaski Bridge into the disorienting wonderland that is Long Island City. And my quest came to an end.

Manic Panic HQ

I was blown away by the sheer amount of brightly-colored artificial joy that laid before my eyes. And yes, I found the hair dye I was looking for. I effused with joy when I said:

I have been looking for this everywhere! The local beauty supply in Greenpoint didn’t have it. King’s Pharmacy on Bedford didn’t either…

Female employee: Did you try Ricky’s
Miss H: Yes, neither the Ricky’s on Third Avenue in the East Village nor the one by Bryant Park had it.
Male employee: Well, isn’t there a Hot Topic or shopping mall near where you live?
Miss H (WTF?!?): No. Greenpoint is not a shopping mall kind of place.

Long story made short, I got my goodies at a phat discount. Those of you who are interested should venture over there and see for yourself. Other surprises await you as well:

Nobody Lets Baby Into the Elevator

You can learn more about “Baby” at Working Class Cats!

Miss Heather

Subway Sagacity

January 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I do not know why people bother spending the time or money to hire professionals. Some of the most sage advice I have ever read has been scrawled on the subway posters which grace dank innards of our city. For the low price of $2 you get access to an open forum where no subject is off-limits. I once read an ongoing debate about Alexander Hamilton and Federalism at the Fulton Street stop of the G. The quality of these tomes (the person arguing against Mr. Hamilton referred to him as a “plutocrat”) surpassed a number of college theses I had the misfortune of grading when I was a teaching fellow.

If I was a policymaker for this fine city, one of the first things I would do is equip subway stations with blank posters and markers; if someone had a question, needed advice or just wanted to “talk”, he (or she) could bounce it off his/her fellow subway patrons by writing it on the “subway forum board”. Unfortunately, I have no hand whatsoever in how this city is run so I have to rely on the brave scofflaws who provide their own Sharpies.

The first bit of advice I am going to share with you today comes courtesy of Greenpoint’s very own Crosstown Local: the proper manner in which to hold open a subway door.

Always hold it open with your foot!

New York Shitty analysis: I emphatically agree. You should always use your leg; its much sturdier. Delicate hands can get hurt by those closing doors, so be careful!

Next up comes an offering from the L train platform at Metropolitan Avenue.

Cool as a Cucumber

New York Shitty analysis: Wow. This must be ONE VERY BAD MOVIE!

Miss Heather

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