Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
Greenpoint Represents!
Filed under: 11215, 11222, BAD ASS, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
As you are reading this post the Second Annual Jello-O Mold Competition is coming to pass— where a very special entry, I understand, will be unveiled! Something so sublime its creator, Victoria, swore me to secrecy until the date and time of this competition. She writes:
Hi Heather,
The photos are attached. The competition is not till Saturday evening so please don’t post these until then. You can’t see them in these photos, but the model includes little LED lights that light up the jello eggs from behind. Its meant to look like the digester eggs lit blue at night.
I have done my best to “keep calm and wobble on” with the secret I have been entrusted to keep. But I have to be honest: it’s been damned hard. I have not even allowed the Mister to see what I am about to show you, dear readers. Here it is: a gelatinous tribute to Greenpoint’s most interesting— and curiously beloved— landmark. Yes, I am talking about none other than “The Shit Tits”.
Once I recovered from my initial fit of ecstasy at this, part of our poop plant rendered in foodstuffs, I voiced concerns that the people attending and judging this competition would not understand what has been placed in front of them. No worries, Victoria has that covered! She writes:
I did write my own little essay on why the Shit Tits are so awesome and printed out a little montage of photos of the real deal so people can see for themselves and fully appreciate my jello genius.
I will openly admit that I am more than a little biased here. But— and this is a big but— if the judges of this competition cannot appreciate the sheer genius of this (and give it the award it so richly deserves) then I don’t need them. As far as I (and I suspect a great many other Greenpointers) am concerned these bad boys are a winner. Tits down.
Miss Heather
UPDATE, June 28, 2010: I have been advised that this masterpiece did not get the grand prize. That went to some concoction involving the virgin Mary. Clearly these people have no taste.
Urban Fur: Larry Gets An Apprentice…
Filed under: 11222, Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Fur
(and he’s none too happy about it)
Despite the fact he has recently been divested of his “manhood”, spends most of the day sleeping (which I envy) and is spoon fed by his “mom”, Neer, Larry has achieved a certain reputation in the neighborhood. That being the local “bad ass”. You see, when not sleeping, eating or overseeing the fruit stand out front Larry likes to patrol his domain. The word on the street is he will put both cats and dogs in their place. Larry, it would seem, is an equal opportunity bully.
So naturally when this jackass urged his pug to make the acquaintance of Larry (presumably because he thought a dog would scare a cat and that would be funny) I took interest. The pup did his master’s bidding. Larry fixed him with a stare and held his ground. The pup quickly retreated. So it goes in the furban jungle of Greenpoint.
What has led to Larry’s recent protectiveness of his “territory”, you ask? Perhaps the reason lies at home?
For reasons unclear this little one found his way to Larry’s place of employment/enjoyment.
AJ, as I will call him (I checked— yeah, I’m a pussy perv), is damned cute…
and immensely curious about his new surroundings.
What the future holds for AJ has yet to be determined— but I suspect it will involve a vet visit and neutering when he is old enough. In the meantime don’t mess with Larry. As a new “dad” he has a lot on his mind right now.
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Greenpoint Furniture
I shit you not after I took this photograph the chap hanging in the doorway blew kisses at me. Just another summer afternoon in the Garden Spot of the Universe.
Miss Heather
Spotted In Greenpoint: Bill Murray
The tattoo, that is.
This gem was captured by Greenpointless at the Garden Spot’s very own Shayz Lounge. Miss Heather to Bill Murray: Quit wasting your time in Williamsburg, come to Greenpoint where you will get the reverence and respect you truly deserve!
Miss Heather
Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Murphy’s Munchies, Revisited
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
Those of you who happen to be in the Garden Spot for what promises to be a sunny— if a bit balmy— weekend should swing by and see the rather impressive garden this chap has created. It’s a lovely addition to the neighborhood!
Miss Heather
At Large In Greenpoint: Spiff
Filed under: 11222, Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
I just received this the above photograph of Spiff the cats from her very upset owner, Stephanie. She writes:
Heather,
Our 12 year old cat just escaped from our car on Greenpoint and Leonard Street between Manhattan Avenue and Franklin Street (My boyfriend ran out of gas, chaos ensued, cat jumped out the car window.) I am hoping she is still in that area, but she might try to get back to our place on Franklin between Green and Huron. Would you mind posting her picture and a plea for people to contact us if they spot her? Her name is Spiff. She has grey stripes, a white chin and green eyes. She has a zitty thing on her chin right now from the food bowl. She is very sweet.
If anyone has seen Spiff please contact Stephanie via email at: stephanie (dot) lawkins (at) gmail (dot) com
Thanks!
Miss Heather
THIS WEEKEND: Homemade Brooklyn & More
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
This item was brought to my attention by the immensely talented folks at Greenpoint’s very own Clay Space. Starting today they, along with a number of other Brooklyn artists and performers, will be strutting their stuff at Homemade: Brooklyn; “a weekend long pop-up event”. Sponsored by The Shiny Squirrel, free films, performances, workshops and music are also promised. Check it out!
Homemade: Brooklyn
June 25 – 27, 2010; 11:00 a.m. – “late”
“Metropolitan Green”
439 Metropolitan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211
In closing, it should be noted that this is part of Williamsburg Walks which commences tomorrow and runs through Sunday! You can get the full rundown about this year’s Williamsburg Walks (including a list of activities) by clicking here.
Miss Heather
P.S.: I feel compelled to give people a warning/caveat about Metropolitan Green. Last weekend I attempted to patronize their facilities.
I checked the hours this “comfort station” was purported to be open. It looked encouraging enough. But alas it was not to be.
As of the time I visited (10:21 a.m.) It was locked. My advice: be prepared to contend with the “Comfort Station” at McCarren or do what I do. Take your “business” to the W.E. Sheridan Playground instead.
New York Shitty Day Ender: The (Field) House On Poo Corner
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
This, dear readers, is what the McCarren Park Ladies restroom looked like today. Why is there such a long line, (at least 18 people are clearly visible) you ask? I honestly do not know. But if I was to hazard a guess I’d say one of the toilets and perhaps the sink are not functional. As last Memorial Day weekend will attest, this is not an uncommon occurrence. It does however, beg the question as to where my intrepid Greenburgers can do his (or her) business. Well, I am pleased to report that I have (albeit accidentally) stumbled upon the answer! It’s a little place I like to call “Poo Corner”.
And some of you might be amused to know it is located directly behind the field house where our purported “Parks Administrator’s” (whose job is to be on top of this sort of thing) office is located!
Miss Heather
P.S.: Lest you ladies are wondering, the mens bathroom isn’t much better.
Photo Credits: The photo gracing the beginning of this post was taken by Crystal Kitty.
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