Audience Participation Time: Lipstick on a Pig

December 15, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Bloomblight, Brooklyn, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

caution2THUMBI concluded the yesterday’s postage with a rather lengthy screed about derelict construction sites in Williamsburg and our city’s inability and/or unwillingness to police them. As you can probably deduce from said post, I have been stewing over this phenomenon for some time. I will not lie to you: it felt good to finally “get it out”. What’s more, I really enjoyed one of the comments left on the aforementioned post.

Xris of Flatbush Gardener writes:

It’s not a sidewalk, it’s a promenade.
It’s not graffito, it’s a fresco.
It’s not a vacant lot, it’s an atrium.
It’s not an abandoned foundation, it’s a sunken garden.

The real estate moguls just need to turn that thing around and put lipstick on that pig!

I have given Xris’s proposition considerable thought and have decided that we, the residents of north Brooklyn, should lend a hand in this sterling endeavor. Which brings me to this.


I found this “enhanced beverage” at North 12 Street between Bedford and Driggs Avenue yesterday afternoon. I find many such specimens in north Brooklyn— usually at failed construction sites. They are known in some circles as “trucker bombs”. Per the Urban Dictionary:

A plastic container (could be a milk jug or a water bottle) that a trucker pisses in while he is driving his truck. Then he throws it out of the window so that he does not have to stop to relieve the call of nature. Can also be a plastic bag and feces may be involved. “Don’t get hit with that trucker-bomb”

This terminology may suit middle-America but it simply too pedestrian for the upscale haven that is Williamsburg (which, it should be noted, has reduced truck traffic). A neighborhood where a one bedroom apartment can run you anywhere from $2,000 a month and up deserves better. So far the best re-branding I have come up with for this human by-product is “McCarren Kombucha”. Certainly a better name can be found. This is where you come in: can you think of a snappy new name for this urban artifact? If so, please leave it in the comments.


Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Street Seating Selections

shabby chic

Shabby Chic & Three-legged Chair, Norman Avenue, 11222


Northside Naugahyde, North 12 Street, 11211


Armless with Smirnoff, North 10 Street, 11211


Disemboweled & Fabulous, Calyer Street 11222

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: The fantastic find from Calyer Street comes courtesy of Caryn Rose.

Williamsburg Street Art Du Jour: Perched

December 3, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 


Taken December 2, 2009.

Miss Heather

Boobification Photo du Jour: Something For The Kids

For reasons that probably do not need to be explained, today was (and still is) a red letter day for yours truly. Those of you who have congratulated me via comments and email, I want to take a moment here and now to tender my kindest regards and gratitude. You see, I did not sit on my laurels checking email and moderating comments today. I got right back to business.


I have been wanting to do this for months. Today, at 3:30 p.m. (and much to the amusement of the youths dismissed after a busy day at the Automotive High School) I finally made it happen. This one’s for you, kids. If you can believe it, you can achieve it!

Miss Heather

P.S.: While I’m titularly on the subject of eastern Europe, get a load of this sexy beast I encountered on North 8 Street!


New York Shitty Day Ender: Bedford Avenue Blight

October 12, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Bloomblight, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 


it’s through this world I ramble
I see lots of men
some will rob you with a six gun
some with a fountain pen

Ballad of Pretty Boy Floyd by Woodie Guthrie

Amusingly enough, shortly after I stumbled upon this find I encountered a (poorly attended) press conference regarding 1015A.  All the north Brooklyn notables were present: Steve Levin (he’s really short), Rami Metal, Stephanie Thayer (the Executive Director of OSA and north Brooklyn’s Parks Poobah), a member of GWAPP was present, and so on and so forth. Sadly, I missed meeting Yassky (so as to tender some of my readers career advice to him).* While they had their face time with the media here’s what I found two blocks away:





I fail to see the “logic” of 1015A. But then again, I am not lobbied, wined and dined by real estate interests. Simply put: 1015A seeks to “encourage” speculators/Bloomblighters (who have raped north Brooklyn six ways to Sunday) to “maintain” their fences in return for renewing their building permits. In true “fox guarding the hen house” tradition, the Department of Buildings will be entrusted to make sure these developers comply. Given what happened at 493 Myrtle Avenue earlier this year this is cold comfort.** In essence, the very people who are the biggest offenders to our quality of life will be rewarded for not breaking the law.

What is wrong with this picture? Does this mean if I have enough influence/lobbyists I can jaywalk whilst sipping a 40 for the next four years?

Miss Heather

P.S.: This one’s for you, Uncle Kent.

*Whose fashion malfeasance was not unnoticed by Aaron Short. My recommendation for a Yassky makeover: Tom of Finland.

**Whose incompetence enabled a three story building to be built (and occupied) on 95 Clay Street without permits.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: One Greenpoint Parent Isn’t “Lovin It”

Mickey DonaldA concerned (and seriously pissed off) Greenpoint parent writes: I thought this sponsorship might at least amuse you… (forwarded email follows):

From: (Pissed Off Greenpoint Parent)
Subject: Mc Donalds sponsored Pumpkin Fest??????????
To: (excised)
Date: Saturday, October 10, 2009, 1:01 PM

I just got back from Pumpkin Fest and I am appalled. To the point that I bought to my daughter a very cute $2 pumpkin at the green market. Let me describe Pumpkin Fest- people were funneled like cattle to make sure they would give their $5 donation, then would grab a McDonalds bag full of decorations and then a Town Square, Inc. balloon… And is if the corporate co-opting were not bad enough- were was the social aspect? No table to decorate your pumpkin, no real socialization spot to have parents and children interact. Very odd lay out, was (it) not the point to have us socialize, to feel part of the same community?

And further (more) nobody at Town Square thinks it is strange in (a) time where we are being very conscientious about what our children should eat that one of the sponsor(s) of this event is McDonalds (and possibly Dunkin Donuts as there was lots of branded products there as well) …But after all, what do we expect from an organization where Exxon Mobil sponsored EARTH DAY in Greenpoint (the same neighborhood they committed one of the worst environmental disasters in American history and still avoid their responsibility)… Maybe I have no irony or no sense of humor or I am just too moralistic. But I am sure corporations do not need to run every event at every level- even the local Halloween celebration is not free from their influence.

(excised), brought to you by Burger King (kidding)
Although I have been accused of being “too moralistic” I do, in fact, sport a sense of irony and a sense of humor. This is why I find Town Square so amusing: the sheer hypocrisy. They were the peeps who brought “Blazing Saddles” to McCarren Park last year. Not that I was against this, mind you: I WAS ALL FOR IT.

I was present when the previous came to pass (on the back of McCarren Park Field House/”Comfort Station”*). The Polish contingent was confused. The white liberals/do-gooders (with young ‘uns in tow) were silent. The Mister and I (and other children of the 1970’s) were laughing our asses off.** Which brings me back to POGP’s complaint: the corporate presence at north Brooklyn’s parks.

Unfortunately I do not see this changing anytime soon. Given the geo/ego/racial/socio-economic Real Politik factors at play at this park, I see it getting worse. Last week I had a conversation with a woman from the Greenpoint Branch of the Brooklyn Public Library (regarding their upcoming bake/book sale). In the course of our conversation she mentioned that they (The Greenpoint Public Library) wanted to have a Bake Sale at McCarren Park but the constricts (READ: insurance requirements, etc. as outlined by the Parks Department/OSA) made this endeavor prohibitively expensive and therefore, impossible.

I want you, dear readers, to think about this for a moment. McCarren Park is paid for by our tax dollars. It is ostensibly a public space. Yet McCarren Park has been employed as the place of pool parties and flea markets; McDonald’s gets the thumbs up— yet our public library (which is also supported by our tax dollars) gets a thumbs down. Parks for profits, tennis court oaths and bureaucratic intransigence: that’s our future.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, October 13, 2009: Not only has this been reblogged by Gothamist, but the head honcha of Town Square, Susan Anderson wants to have her say. Here it is in all its resplendent glory (as gleaned from the CB1 Yahoo Group which is where Ms. Anderson posted it).

Pumpkin Day in McCarren Park was a community event that was run by volunteers and did not have any corporate sponsorship. We had over 600 pumpkins and gave away more than half of the pumpkins for free. We could have easily charged for the pumpkins and 5 arts/crafts activities that went with each pumpkin, but we chose to not do so. Rather, we chose to make this a voluntary donation so that children and families, who could not afford to pay, would not be excluded or made to feel badly.

Perhaps, your “Greenpoint Mom [who was] not lovin’ Pumpkin Fest” would get involved in planning and volunteering for the next Pumpkin event or, for that matter, any of the other family events that we present in our neighborhood for the benefit of all our children. In fact, we have three more coming up just this month alone for her consideration: Schoolfest next Sunday, another Pumpkin Day on the Saturday thereafter and a Children’s Halloween Parade & Party on the following Sunday. We would definitely welcome her assistance.

Had she been involved, she would have known that McDonalds was not a sponsor of this event. Rather, the local manager donated 200 paper bags on the spur of the moment out of the goodness of her heart. So, let’s celebrate – not denigrate – someone’s generosity, shall we?

And I guess your mom didn’t stay long enough to see all the families and kids socializing on the lawn in McCarren Park. There were over 2,000 parents and kids decorating the pumpkins together, listening to the live music, and enjoying each other’s company. In our view, it typically does not require a table for children to decorate pumpkins or a designated spot for adults to socialize.

As for her view that “people were funneled like cattle,” we do agree that it can be difficult to provide a quality experience for this many people with only a dozen or so volunteers. The enthusiastic magnitude of the turnout far exceeded our expectations. On the other hand, I am unbelievably proud and thankful to our volunteers and the work that they put in that day.

Finally, if she believes Town Square is a corporation, I guess that all I can say is – thank you for the compliment!

All the best,

Susan Anderson
Town Square

Is it me or is this woman simply not “getting” it?

*Which, as any patron of the women’s bathroom will attest, is anything but comfortable. It’s disgusting.

**God bless you, Mel Brooks. You had the presence of mind to know that the best way to fight bigotry and hatred was to make fun of it.

Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: High Hopes on North 12 Street




Taken October 8, 2009

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: Blood Drive At McCarren Park

belaThis item comes courtesy of Kate of Jauntsetter. She writes:

I’m writing from, a travel website targeted at New York women (and men, really), based out of Brooklyn. We’re having a blood drive this Friday in McCarren Park to help out the NYC Blood Bank – the summer months are their slowest in terms of donors, and just one donor can save up to three lives…

Here’s the 411:

This event kicks off at the corner of Bedford Avenue and North 12 Street at 4:00 p.m. and will run until 9:30 p.m. The first 75 donors will get “free goodies” including:

  1. Jauntsetter tote bags
  2. Discounts from Greenpoint’s very own Hayden-Harnett
  3. Cupcakes from Tawny Ong
  4. Snacks from The Bagel Store

Those of you who are jonesing for a free ice cream cone (and who isn’t in this weather?) should make it a point to get there bright and early: the first 25 donors will get a coupon for a free scoop at the Van Leeuwen Ice Cream truck. Interested donors can make a date to donate blood at this event by clicking here. Check it out!

Miss Heather

NEXT WEEK: A Ribbon Cutting With Mayor Mike!

July 3, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 



Some of you probably know ground has been broken for the new soccer field which will grace Bushwick Inlet Park. What you probably do not know is (per a most curious anonymous source) I have been told there will be a ribbon cutting ceremony with none other than our fair Mayor as well as “other elected officials and Commissioner Benepe” this upcoming Monday, July 6, 2009! The festivities will kick off at either 9:00 or 10:00 a.m. (I am awaiting confirmation for all of this— if/when I get a firm time and date I will post them here.) Let’s celebrate!

Or not.

Ribbon Cutting Ceremony For the New Soccer Field At Bushwick Inlet Park
Monday, July 6, 2009
Time: Either 9:00 or 10:00 a.m. (time and date to be confirmed) 11:00 a.m.
Kent Avenue between North 11 & 12 Street
Brooklyn, New York 11211

Why hasn’t this event been announced to the general public, you ask? That’s an excellent question! Why not pop by on Monday and ask Mayor Mike and/or Mr. Benepe in person?

Miss Heather

*Or would that be WNYC Transmitter Park? As you can see in the following photographs (taken at 7:30 this evening) the stage is being set for something to go down there. Soon.




This is a fucking joke.

New York Shitty Day Ender: DANGER

May 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Street Art, Williamsburg 


Yeah, I featured this piece of street art (albeit one at a different location) earlier this week— but hey, it’s a holiday weekend folks! It’s time to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. What’s more some things— like men screaming on toilets— never get old.

Have a happy and safe Memorial Day weekend everybody!

Miss Heather

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