Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Eco Belvedere

March 28, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Taken March 27, 2010.

Miss Heather

The Hunchback Of 63 Skillman Avenue: Meet Belvedere XXXII

March 26, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Abjectecture, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

I have long been meaning to showcase this property.

Here it is. But there is more going on here than meets the eye.

MUCH MORE. This building appears to developed a hump.

Good god. They should charge people a dime a gander to look at this bad boy.  And now come the punchline for this freak show, dear readers: the scenic vista to be had from these copious balconies.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Presenting ECO-BELVEDERE!

March 4, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Tony (who shot the above photographs) writes:

this made me laugh out loud.

Me too. Who knew having Juliette-style balconies overlooking Manhattan Avenue and the copious traffic passing therein (including B62 buses) was “green”?

So it goes in the smash-jaw world of Garden Spot real estate.

Miss Heather

P.S.: To get a peek of 605-607 Manhattan Avenue before it turned “green” click here.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: More Ado About Belvedere

January 5, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

206kentRemember Anonymous, who was interested in purchasing a condo at Belvedere at XXVII? Well, he has done his homework and the prognosis looks good. For the most part. He writes:

Hope you’re enjoying a good new year.

I did my hw with the dob and while a belvedere property had construction workers urinating out the 3rd floor window (emphasis mine — Ed. Note), I didn’t see structural issues.

Pencil lofts have halted construction.

I’d break even with this purchase within two years vs renting.

I’ve been advised that locals may be anti cookie cutter condos due to the detractmemt of a neighborhood feel. I know newyorkshitty.com is unbiased, so would you truly advise not to pull the trigger on this?

#1. Anonymous you are too kind: I am by my own admission biased against these properties.

DOBBIS206kent

#2. Especially when they are built by construction “professionals” who piss from third story windows. That’s just plain nasty!

Look at it this way: if the gentlemen working on this site have been observed urinating al fresco, it begs the question (in my mind, anyway) as to what they have been doing indoors— if you know what I mean.* The previous caveat having been written, I am happy you did your homework (even if I disagree with your decision) and it might be a good idea for you to have an inspector give the property a once-over before signing anything. Better safe than sorry.

Good luck— and welcome to the neighborhood!

Miss Heather

*I had to bust your chops over that one, Anonymous. That is simply too gross.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Is Belvedere XXVIII For Me?

206kentAnonymous writes:

Miss Heather,

I came across your site while do some research on Greenpoint. Thank you for offering a not-so-tongue-in-cheek perspective of the neighborhood with great photos and frequent updates.

I am considering purchasing a condo in the Belvedere property at 206 Kent Street and would greatly appreciate any advice you may have. I’m twenty-three, work in midtown, live on the south shore of Nassau County and ready to move out.

My knee-jerk reaction: if you’re 23 years old and financially enabled to buy a condo I envy you. Secondly, I harbor a hatred for these buildings. The non-sequential (and increasingly cheaply constructed) dynasty that is Belvedere epitomizes the crapification of my neighborhood. Throw ’em up quick and cheap. The previous having been written, at least the air conditioning units are not on the balconies. YET. That’s becoming a more common feature nowadays.

Here’s the deal:

  1. Belvedere/Bridge Realty has been tossing these buildings up left and right in north Brooklyn. And the supply is NOT in keeping with demand. If you go to Calyer Street you will notice Belvedere VI— or is it Belvedere VIII— I cannot keep track— is advertising “luxury” apartments for rent. These apartments have been on the market for well over a year.
  2. Belvederes VI, VIII and XXVIII have one thing in common: a close proximity to McGuinness Boulevard. Inasmuch as I find this, the Champs-Élysées of Greenpoint, charming I would not to live close to it. ESPECIALLY given there is a fire station one block away from your condo in question and the largest waste treatment plant on the East Coast will probably perfume your balcony.
  3. If you work in Midtown and have the kind of budget I suspect you have, Anonymous, why trifle with this? Go to Long Island City. It’s a buyer’s market, you will have a direct commute to midtown (via the 7 train)  and get a beautiful park to boot!* My advice: haggle. HARD.

My two cents (and then some) having been tendered, I’ll leave this matter to my readers. Thoughts/advice, anyone?

Miss Heather

*What I find endearing about Greenpoint is not for everyone. Methinks Anonymous is one of them. What’s more, I hate to see someone get ripped off.

Meet Belvedere XL

July 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Diana G writes:

So that photo you posted a few weeks back on Guernsey where it looked like they were putting styrofoam up on a building turns out to be the latest Belvedere atrocity – BELVEDERE XL!

When I read the above email I thought she had certainly made a typo. I was all too wrong.

Presenting Belvedere XL!

God, this is just screams great advertising copy like:

Livin’ Large At Belvedere Forty

or

Sip Your Forty At Belvedere Forty!

or best yet

Belvedere 40 …Works Everytime!

I want to give a big thanks to Diana G and the wizards at Belvedere Realty for giving me the biggest laugh I’ve had all week!

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: Diana G & Miss Heather

P.S.: I am still eagerly awaiting the debut of Belvedere 30. Think about it.

Belvedere Blow Out!

December 10, 2007 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 

It has been some time since I have written about my buddies over at Belvedere Partners, so today I am going to redress this egregious oversight on my part and give the scoop on two, count ’em, TWO new Belvederes! Excited yet? If not, you should be dear readers!

Belvedere XII: 150 Java Street

Cement Being Poured at Belvedere XXII

In keeping with the Belvedere landscape architecture paradigm, the entire frontage has received a heaping helping of cement. Planting trees and shrubs are for bleeding heart liberals who don’t appreciate the value-added qualities of concrete.

Can you find the Belvedere in this picture?

Belvedere XXII

You can’t? No worries, I have gone to the trouble of labeling it for you. Belvederes have a chameleon-like tendency to blend in with 100+ year old row houses. Even ones half their size. Uncanny.

Belvedere XXIV: 490 Morgan Avenue

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the aesthetic savants at Belvedere got their hands on an existing piece of property? If so, wonder no more. I have the answer: they will make it look total and utter shit.

Belvedere XXIV

Photographs scarcely do this masterpiece justice. One really needs to go to 490 Morgan Avenue and behold it in all its half-assed glory in person. Not only is the “D” missing from “Belvedere”, but the cheesy lanterns gracing the front door are not even mounted straight. Nice.

Belvedere XXIV sideview

Burglar bars: CHECK.
Friedrich and Fedders Boxes: CHECK.
Stucco: CHECK.

Oil facility

Oil storage facility down the block: CHECK.

I have long been mystified as to what “system” Belvedere uses to number their serialized schlock. Thankfully, a thorough examination of Belvedere XXII has helped me to understand the why and wherefore behind the numbering its distant cousin at 490 Morgan Avenue: it sucks twice as hard.

Haven’t had enough suckiness, you say? You crave yet more Belvedere hilarity? Check out the new Flash introduction on their web site. Belvedere Partners must be strapped for cash if they can’t hire a professional to straighten that crooked “R” on their store front. In fact, things must be really bad if the President of the company can’t outlay $4.00 for a box of Nice ‘n Easy and touch up those roots. If Mayor Mike really wanted to beautify Greenpoint he would stop planting trees, lock this woman in a beauty salon and refuse to let her out until that shit matches.

Miss Heather

Belvedere XX Goes Green: Kind Of

November 29, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Hmm. If I was a developer who built a buttload of crappy ass cookie cutter condos what would I do to generate interest? Oh wait, I know: I’d hire some spin doctor to turn my homogenized shit into individualized Shinola!

185 India

I must confess: this logo is pretty nice. It is me, or do those little green leafy things make me think of trees— or marijuana?

Tree

It’s sort of funny to have a logo invoking greenery when the fine folks at Belvedere/Bridge Realty seem to have killed the only tree on the premises. I won’t even go into the whole “No Dumping” thing because it is simply too easy.

Sidewalk

Just like Babs “twat flop cakes” Corcoran advised, they covered the frontage with cement. I am certain this will add much value to my neighborhood.

Belvedere XX

Behold, another piece of condo crap!

Belvedere XX from Mickey G’s

And for the very reasonable starting price of $379,000 this view can be yours!

I too have a question for Babs:

Do your collars and cuffs match?

Having grown up in the land of fake blonds (Texas), I suspect her pixie-esque locks were begotten by peroxide. Why not drop trou and take one for the team, Barbara? Who knows, you might make a few (more) bucks. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Hugs,

Miss Heather

Will The Real Belvedere III Please Stand Up?

September 27, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Vomit, Williamsburg 

The beauty of exposing Bridge/Belvedere Realty’s ineptitude is they make it so easy. The downside is I can barely keep up with their quasi-luxury progeny. The good news is they can’t either.

Belvedere ???

If Belvedere III is located on Powers Street, why did I find this?

135 N. 9 Street, DOB

135 North 9th Street is a long way from Powers. The fine folks at Bridge Realty should hire me to do ad copy for their “Hot Locations” in Williamsburg. It is obvious I keep better track of their crap than they do.

Miss Heather

Meet Mr. Belvedere

August 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

This chap is one of the more recent commenters to grace my humble blog— and I’m glad he did. He’s friggin’ hilarious. Follows is a story from bklyn-genealogy-info he was kind enough to share with me recently. Enjoy!

RABBIT’S FOOT SAVED HIS LIFE , SAYS JUMPER

But Clotheslines and Alcohol Figure in Adventure

‘A rabbit’s foot saved me,’ maintains Joseph SEKULSKI, 32, of 193 Russell street, who is in Kings County Hospital to-day suffering from lacerations, contusions and abrasions of the body, possible concussion of the brain and a severe case of alcoholism. Joseph was intoxicated last night, police say, and in his inebriated condition he visited Mr. and Mrs. JACOBSEN, who live on the third floor of a six-story apartment at 172 Greenpoint avenue. When the time came to bid good-bye to his friends, Joseph decided to quickest way out was via the window.

On the way down Joseph struck four clotheslines, bouncing from one to the other. He crashed through the wooden cellar cover and lay there in a semi-conscious condition. Patrolman John MAHONEY was summoned from Greenpoint station and on arriving at the scene Joseph demanded of him where he was. ‘You’re still in the land of the living,’ replied MAHONEY. Ambulance Surgeon GARDENER of Greenpoint Hospital arrived and said Joseph’s most serious ailment was alcoholism.

He insists that his rabbit’s foot performed its traditional voodoo.

*speechless*

Miss Heather

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