Greenpoint
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Culture on the Cheap
When Does A Friedrich Become A Fedders?
I have been asked on occasion exactly what constitutes a “Fedders building”. Even after several months of featuring Fedders Friday here on New York Shitty I have difficulty coming up with a satisfactory answer. It is a highly intuitive process, but I will attempt to put my criteria in writing here and now.
A. It must be a building whose aesthetic concerns have been completely subjugated to the utilitarian. In other words, it must be ugly.
B. It must employ two or more of the following:
- Exposed electrical meters
- Exposed gutters
- Large quantities of concrete
- A decided preference for parking over plant life
C. Fedders air conditioner boxes must be present.
Some have said that I have unfairly singled out the chaps at the Fedders corporation when doling out the dubious distinction that is Fedders Friday. Here is my rebuttal:
All buildings which feature Fedders boxes do not automatically qualify as candidates for Fedders fame. It takes a special mixture of the above-listed points to make the cut. The previous having been said, I have noticed there is a strong relationship between hideous outer borough architecture and the presence of Fedders boxes. Not unlike how a special guest speaker at a Psych of Sexuality class in college corrected an errant classmate of mine so many years ago:
While most lesbians are feminists, not all feminists are lesbians*.
The same goes for Fedders. The product seems to attract developers who espouse a certain philosophy to home building: build ’em cheap, ugly and as quickly as possible. It should also be noted that I did in the interest of parity try to launch a feature called Friedrichs Thursdays. But experience has proven that buildings sporting Friedrichs air conditioning boxes (on a visual level, anyway) are a cut above their Fedders brethren. Until I walked by Union Avenue and Conselyea Street yesterday, that is.
This building is nothing new.
I have walked by it many times, tut-tutting over the exposed electrical meters and sheer quantity of poured concrete. I do have to applaud the builders for making this structure (somewhat) wheelchair accessible. Unfortunately, lifts do not count for much when they are obstructed by bags of garbage.
But on Tuesday something struck me as being amiss. Something new had been added to this melange of the mediocre. Something— dare I say it— Fedders-worthy!
It has been retrofitted to have central air conditioning. BADLY.
Note the extensive use of foam sealant and thoughtful placement of the air conditioning units. I have little doubt the experience of sitting on these balconies will only become more pleasurable with the added value of being blasted with air conditioner exhaust.
But let’s get back to semantics. Since this building sports Friedrichs boxes it does not qualify to be featured on Fedders Friday. However, it does embody the spirit of the glory that is Fedderism. Therefore, I would like to give this masterpiece a very special award: The New York Shitty Award of Excellence In Abjectecture.
Way to go, guys! I’ll be hard-pressed to top this beauty later this week.
Miss Heather
*Which probably explains why I get along with lesbians so well: I am a feminist!
What’s Going On At 155 Freeman Street?
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I have a confession to make: I have sort of a sweet spot for this building. Maybe it is the asymmetrical storefront or all the pierogi trucks parked next door. I honestly don’t know.
Bearing the previous in mind, you can imagine my interest when I discovered this poster adhered the security gate on the first floor. Well, I finally got around to doing a little research (thanks Google). Here’s the scoop, it comes from a web site called ARTCAL:
It’s About Time, Man!
John Delk, Patrick Doyle, Sean Glover, Carolyn Funk, Lara Kohl, Matthew Lusk, Melissa Barrett Lundquist, William McMillin, Leigh Ann Pahapill, Tim Saltarelli, Dave Shull, and Nikita Vishnevskiy
Using a derelict industrial building in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, an international group of artists reconstitute the Olafur Eliasson survey on their own terms.
‘It’s About Time, Man,’ responds to the unquestioned acclaim for Eliasson’s faux-natural creations, and inaugurates the future home for Repetti. 12 artists will each address a different Eliasson work, using the squalid state of this former carriage house as inspiration. The building will undergo major renovation in the fall, and become the new home for Repetti in late ’09 (!!! —Ed. Note).
Organized by William McMillin and Sam Farnsworth, this group of established and emerging artists has strong ties to the Greenpoint area, though also included are several foreign-based artists.
Now this has got to be some of the best news I have heard in a long time! I can only hope the folks renovating 155 Freeman will leave some of its architectural “quirks” intact. Those of you who are interested to see this show (I know I am) be advised it runs until August 24, 2008. For a sneak peak of what awaits your viewing pleasure, click here and you will directed to a rather comprehensive set of photos on Flickr taken by supremenything.
Miss Heather
Studio B: The Battle For Hearts & Minds Continues
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
This weekend I learned that Agnes Piekarska, the much-maligned “Manager” of Studio B, has discovered New York Shitty! How do I know this, you ask? She has taken to commenting on my blog!
On July 19, 2008 she wrote in regards to this post:
I’m sorry you feel that way . I wish someone will contact me about that. Thanks. Agnes
Not only does this comment make absolutely no sense, I chafed at Ms. Piekaraska’s repeated insistence that she was completely unaware of people having issues with her establishment. So I replied:
People have contacted your business about this stuff. REPEATEDLY. Quit acting like this is all news to you. It isn’t.
Today, July 20th, I awoke to find this missive awaiting my approval. Lucky me.
You got this totaly wrong. I’m Just a manager and not the owner I live in the area and Iâ€m trying to help out . This is the first time I got to your webside and I’m glad . You have to get some of the facts right and I will gladly explain to you who is who or what is going on. Thank you for your time. Agnes
To wit, I replied:
Feel free to write any epistle you want, Agnes. That’s what the comments section on this blog are for.
I have yet to get a reply from Ms. Piekaraska, but Neighborhood Threat had a few things to say:
Here are some facts that are right:
1) Until any of us started complaining to the press, you as the manager of the club did nothing to mitigate the problems in the neighborhood.
2) when the club is open, there is an increase in trash. you sweep in front of your club and that’s it. there are club fliers all over the block, in the street, across the street. you don’t put out trash cans in front of your club, and there’s one city trashcan on the corner of calyer, which is filled to overflowing on the weekends… from YOUR CLUB, because there’s nothing else going on over here.
3) you allow patrons of the club to re-enter at will. i understand they can’t smoke inside, but most clubs have a ’smoking pen’ in front of the club where smokers can congregate. They don’t allow people to sprawl up and down the block because it IMPACTS THE NEIGHBORHOOD. when you let people go in and out of the club at will all they do is sprawl down the block and onto our stoops.
4) you can clearly see from the front door if people are hanging out up the block. have security move them along. have someone stand on the corner of calyer and meserole and direct them out of the neighborhood. when they see someone peeing against the wall across the street, someone should walk over there and tell them to stop. (do you not have enough bathrooms or something? i’ve never seen so many people peeing in public.)What about what happened on the 4th of july? you lit off fireworks in the street. there were hundreds of people in the street and you didn’t disperse the crowd when you were done.
You don’t help and you don’t care EXCEPT for the fact that your club won;t make as much money. You don’t care what it does to the neighborhood. Right now you’re trying to handle the problem by not having events at the club.
btw, i notice that you finished the retractable roof. i thought the point of having it was that you would close it and minimize noise and stop the people from smoking out on the street. at least that’s the line of BS you’ve been feeding us.
the club doesn’t hvae a c of o for the second floor but yet there are people on the second floor constantly. there’s also an illegal apartment and there’s no residential zoning in that building.
we’re going to make sure that there’s a representative from every residential building in the neighborhood that your mr. fisher says “isn’t residential†at the hearing on the 31st. so you can have people blog here for you and post comments that are clearly written by a publicist as much as you want. you’ll keep doing what you want but boy will we do everything we can to hold you accountable.
It certainly looks like the upcoming Public Safety Committee Meeting at Community Board 1 will be quite lively. Not only are the angry neighbors organizing but as Mr. Heather and I discovered last night, the “owner” (“Manager” or whatever) of Studio B was having a tete a tete on the rooftop terrace with someone bearing more than a passing resemblance to Ken Fisher!
The above photograph was taken at 8:00 p.m.
Miss Heather
UPDATE 7/2108: Agnes has replied!
Am I A Real Greenpointer Now?
(Or, it’s a full moon in Greenpoint)
The one subject I am rapidly tiring of is the issue of what makes a “real” citizen of (insert neighborhood here). Some were born in New York Shitty, and yes, some have even died here! It’s what’s in between that seems to be the pickle. At what point has one lived in a given neighborhood (in this case, Greenpoint) long enough to earn “street cred” from the self-appointed guardians of citizenship? I neither know the answer of this question nor do I care to learn it. To fixate upon the past is to ignore the present and abrogate one’s responsibility to shape the future. Which brings me to a Greenpoint incident of note from yesterday, July 18.
When I arrived at the junk shop I noticed something balled-up in a plastic bag. It was a wig. I pulled it out and looked at it.
Me (to a co-worker): This looks pretty ratty. Methinks I am going to throw it in the dumpster. That way we’ll see some crazy person wearing it in the neighborhood tomorrow.
ASIDE: Before I continue I would like to clarify something. The dumpster at the junk shop is arguably as popular as the store itself. Not only do people see fit to use it as a trash repository (such as the psychic next door* who once saw fit to dump her barbecue grill, replete with smoldering briquettes in it July 4th), but it is rifled through on a nightly basis by people who either do not know what has been placed in there (trust me, some of it was rather gross) or do not care.
Now jump forward to last night. It is 8:45 p.m. and I am headed down Manhattan Avenue to meet some friends for dinner. True to form, dumpster diving was well underway…
and the dude doing the diving was wearing said wig.
Is it just me or does this man bear an uncanny resemblance to Ron Jeremy?
Close but no cigar: my prognostication was off by approximately three hours. I may very well be on my way to becoming a real Greenpointer, but clearly I still have a ways to go.
Miss Heather
*Who has a habit of buying large quantities of lotto tickets. If this woman was truly psychic why hasn’t she won by now?
Models Galavanting In Our Misery
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Queens, Williamsburg
I will not disclose who I received this (forwarded) email from because I like— and much more importantly respect— said person. Regardless, as a citizen who lives in a neighborhood teeming with environmental fuck-ups I do not appreciate the tone of said message. Hence why I am posting it here on New York Shitty:
Thanks for getting back to me… (insert name, lol). I’ve shot at DUMBO already and so has everyone else, it’s considered overdone! The more grittier locations are what’s good for high fashion. Aggregate is like a sand and coal mixture, I think it’s used for paving… anyway, they store this stuff in huge piles so it forms pyramids or mountains and it looks really cool (I attached a few images). The only thing is that I can’t seem to find out where the compounds are…
The cement plant at the Morgan Avenue Stop of the L immediately comes to mind. But if any of you, dear readers, can think of abject sites in Brooklyn (Queens, Staten Island or the Bronx) which complement sinuous models clad in glamorous apparel email me at missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com. I’ll forward them.
Miss Heather
How Not To Have First Date In Greenpoint
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
1. You take your date out to dinner.
2. Over dinner you ask her how old she is.*
3. She refuses to tell you.
4. After dinner you take your date to the waterfront on Java Street. The view of the Manhattan skyline to be had there has inspired many a Greenpoint romance. That is, unless…
5. the police show up, tell you that you’re trespassing and demand identification.
6. You tender identification: a driver’s license from Alabama. Cop is non-plussed and interrogates you as to where you live.
7. Your date has no identification whatsoever, so she is given a thorough dressing down (e.g.; I could arrest you…) and is forced to state how old she is: 34.
8. You laugh.
9. Cop gets angry and asks “What are you laughing at?” You reply “Over dinner she refused to tell me how old she was.” Cop is not amused.
10. You are let go, but your evening is shot to shit.
This happened to a friend of mine Tuesday night. He’s a real sweetheart and the purpose of this post is not to bust his chops. (Well, maybe a little, but lovingly.) Rather I want to make you, dear readers, aware that the 94th Precinct (for wont of anything better to do) seems to be very keen on harassing people for “trespassing” on the waterfront. So be careful:
- Always, ALWAYS have identification on you. Preferably something that verifies you are a New York City resident. As my experience (with, in all probability, the SAME police officer) last December has shown, the N.Y.P.D. loves to grill you about where you live. Is this legal? I don’t know. But by proving that you MIGHT actually have some reason for walking around your own neighborhood gives them one less thing to hassle you about.
- If you feel like you have been unfairly treated by a police officer ask for their badge number. They are required by law to give it to you. Period.
- Take said badge number and file a complaint with Civilian Complaint Review Board…
- and/or go to the monthly community meetings hosted by your local precinct. The 94th Precinct community meetings are held at 7:30 p.m. the third Monday of the month at 807 Manhattan Avenue (AKA the Greenpoint Savings Bank). Be sure to use the entrance on Calyer Street.
Bad dates are— for better or worse— a fact of life. Improper police conduct shouldn’t be. Their job as civil servants is to “protect and serve” the public. This includes you.
Miss Heather
*Big, BIG no-no.
Stood Up By Studio B
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Last night Community Board 1 conducted their monthly meeting at the “Swing 60’s Community Center”. Among the (numerous) items to be discussed (READ: open to public soap boxing) was Studio B’s application for a cabaret license. Sadly, this did not come to pass. I was told their application had been withdrawn from the hearing.
Maybe this is why? It would appear that Studio B was visited by the Department of Buildings last week. Click on the above image and read for yourself. But I realize many of you are too busy (trust me, I understand) so here is the rundown:
- On April 16, 2008 Studio B was served a Stop Work Order for “interior sheet rock part wall erected to create bar at second floor w/out permit.”
- Instead of complying with said Stop Work Order they ripped the notice off the door and continued working, hence this glorious citation less than a week later.
- Studio B keeps on working, publicizing their rooftop garden and opens it on schedule, with predictable results.
- And now this, the piece de resistance, dating from June 4, 2008:
Re: SWO ISSUED FOR WORK WITHOUT PERMIT AT 2ND FL.REPORTS ARESAYING WORK HAS BEEN COMPLETE AND IS BEING ILLEGALLY OCCUPIED AS ACABARET C/O STATES 2ND FL TO BE UNOCCUPIED, PLEASE INVESTIGATE
The “Emergency Response Team” was called in. Here are their findings, copied and pasted from the Department of Buildings web site:
06/05/2008 A1 VIOLATION SERVED 1760 MILLS 06/04/2008 ECB VIOLATION ISSUED FOR APPROVED PA PLANS NOT AVAILABLE FOR INSPECTION 06/05/2008 G4 COMPLAINT REFERRED TO DEPARTMENT OF CONSUMER AFFAIRS 1760 MILLS 06/04/2008 REFER TO CONSUMER AFFAIRS IS REFERRED TO CONSUMER AFFAIR
Passing the buck. On the upshot, maybe the D.C.A. will do what the Department of Buildings has been unable or unwilling to do: enforce the law.
Miss Heather
Stolen Bike
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
If anyone sees this bicycle, whoever is riding it is either a thief or purchased it from one. V writes:
My bike was stolen from Greenpoint Ave and Eckford St today (May 27, 2008) while I was at work. I filed a police report but all that allows me to do is claim it legally if I find it on my own… It’s a vintage, ladies’, cranberry colored, Schwinn with a big basket on the front and all the paint worn off the center of the frame from the chain lock. It was locked to a sign post with a Kryptonite lock.
It just really gets my goat that someone would take the time to cut thru my Kryptonite lock, in broad day light, on a Tuesday afternoon, just to steal my beat up old Schwinn with a wobbly wheel, bent basket, and shot breaks. Why me? Life’s not fair…
So let me get this straight: a police report was filed but all this allows V to do is claim it if she finds it on her own. Aren’t the police supposed to retrieve stolen property? Or at least investigate a little bit? I guess not. I suppose they’re too busy harassing photographers.
In any case if anyone has seen this stolen bike please call the 94th Precinct: 718 383-3879.
Miss Heather
Notes From The Bedbug Workshop
This evening I attended the HPD workshop conducted at the Greenpoint Reformed Church. Given the start time was 6:00 p.m. (and thus difficult for many people to attend), I was very pleased with the turnout. For those of you who were not able to be there but want to learn more, I took copious notes. Here they are.
The presentation was given by Edward Brownbear (the gentleman in the above photograph). He is the Lead Education Instructor for the Department of Housing Preservation and Development. What’s more, he himself has had bedbugs and provided a number of personal anecdotes as to how he fought them successfully.
The presentation (entitled Bed Bugs On The Move) broke into three components:
- Introduction
- Your rights as a tenant or landlord
- Pest management
INTRODUCTION: What Are Bedbugs?
Per Mr. Brownbear, in 2006 HPD received ~1,000 complaints about bedbugs. In 2007 that number shot up to ~3,500 – 4,000. Some of the hardest hit areas were Bushwick, Ridgewood, East Harlem and Harlem.
There are 91 species of bedbugs. New York City sports three of them. There is the “common” bedbug which is, as it name indicates, the most common. There is also the “tropical bedbug” which is more active in summer weather. I didn’t get the third one. Regardless of species, all varieties of bedbugs:
- Detect “heat signatures” from as far as three feet.
- Prefer to dine upon human blood (lactic acid, body heat and breath attract them).
- Cannot fly, but can crawl very quickly.
- Can carry disease but will not transmit (it has to do with how they feed which is very different than, for example, a mosquito).
- Can be difficult to detect because before feeding they are as flat as a piece of paper.
- Are nocturnal.
- Are attracted to fibers and wood.
- Can hibernate for up to 18 months.
Two reasons for the influx of bedbugs in New York City are as follows.
- Increased international travel.
- Reconditioned mattresses.
What is a reconditioned mattress? It’s probably not what you, dear readers, think. A reconditioned mattress is a mattress that has been dry cleaned and resold. That’s it. Although the law states that these mattresses are to be labeled with a yellow tag, they are often are not. Anyone who suspects that he (or she) has been sold a reconditioned mattress without proper disclosure should contact the Department of Consumer Affairs.
Bedbugs feed for approximately eight minutes, then fall off the human body and find a (preferably dark) place to digest to digest and make bedbug babies for seven days. Mr. Brownbear was reluctant to talk about Bedbug Sex Ed. 101, but the attendees insisted and an entomologist stepped up to the plate and gave us the deets. For those of you who have ever wondered how bedbugs do the nasty, today’s your lucky day!
The male bedbug does not have a penis. It has an appendage designed to stab the female bedbug in a “cleft” on the underside of her body. Underneath this cleft is a pocket— padding if you will— that protects her internal organs. This mating process is called “traumatic insemination”. Try that one at your next trivia night!
Females lay 3-5 eggs a day. The gestation period is ten days and the maturation period is five weeks. In her lifetime, a bedbug can lay 500 eggs. These eggs are 1/36 of an inch thick and are clear, thus they are very difficult to see. Bedbug babies are also translucent and measure approximately one millimeter thick.
Are Bedbugs Dangerous?
As I indicated earlier, they can carry disease but studies have shown they do not transmit them. However, people vary in regards to reactivity to bedbug bites. Even a dermatologist cannot tell the difference between a bedbug bite from that of a tick or mosquito. Those who have high sensitivity or conditions such as eczema will have more reactivity to bedbug bites. Others, however, will have little to no reaction at all.
It was at this point that one of the more terrifying points of this entire meeting (in my opinion) was brought up: bedbugs make good “hitchhikers”, e.g.; they can attach themselves to a person’s clothing and spread. Five different subway stations have turned up positive for bedbugs. Three of them (the ones Mr. Brownbear could recall) are:
- Fordham Road, Bronx
- Union Square, Manhattan
- Hoyt-Schermerhorn, Brooklyn
At the latter most they were found on a subway bench, which makes sense given it is has been established these little critters like wood.
YOUR RIGHTS AS A TENANT
Under New York City Housing Code bedbugs (just like roaches) fall under a level B violation with “A” being the lowest level of severity and “C” being the highest. Mr. Brownbear advised that anyone afflicted with bedbugs should call 311 and report them. However, he conceded that doing so presents a number of problems. Among them:
- The reaction time will be slow. HPD has 600 inspectors.
- Many people work and cannot stay home waiting for HPD to show up.
- The inspector actually has to see bedbugs “at large” in your apartment. Merely showing them bites and/or trapping bedbugs in a jar is not sufficient.
- This is problematic given that bedbugs are nocturnal and inspectors work conventional business hours, therefore…
- He advised that you look for hiding places, such as chest of drawers, under mattresses, etc. to show the inspector before he (or she) visits.
- Regardless if you are responsible for bringing bedbugs into your apartment or not, the landlord is legally obligated exterminate.
YOUR RIGHTS AS A LANDLORD/PEST MANAGEMENT
Not surprisingly, the landlord’s burden is pretty light. All he (or she) must do is provide proof that an exterminator was paid within 30 days of being cited. However, here are a few tips for tenants:
- Do your homework.
- A landlord is not to exterminate bedbugs. Only professional (as licensed by the D.E.C.) is qualified to spray for bedbugs.
- Multiple applications will be needed. Preferably once a week for three weeks.
- Leave your apartment for 6-8 hours after exterminating and come home.
- A non-toxic method was suggested:
This product is readily available at hardware stores and only the “food grade” variety should be used. Simply put, is leeches moisture out of an insect’s (any insect’s) body, thus killing them. While deemed safe for people and pets, be sure to use take precautions for your furry friends (and in the case tonight scaly ones, e.g.; iguanas) and wear a mask while applying. Applications should be made every couple of weeks for maximum effect. Be sure your blankets do not touch the walls or floor, as these creepy little critters will try to take refuge in your bed.
It was at this point that the meeting started to wind down. Here are a few tips/items of interest worth passing along:
- When traveling, do not use suitcases: use soft-sided washable luggage.
- If you suspect you have luggage that might be infested, run it through a dryer at 120-130 degrees.
- Do bedbugs have natural predators? Yes they do, but it would take thousands of them to get rid of an infestation.
- Has the city ever intervened regarding a bedbug infestation? YES. There were two cases of a building-wide infestation in Bushwick. The Department of Health stepped in and tenants were evacuated from the building so it could be exterminated. Mind you, this is a rare occurrence.
- It was brought up by one attendee that NY1 be contacted to do a Q & A about bedbugs on a ‘call-in show”.
- NYC vs. Bedbugs was present with lots of useful information and a handy form letter you can fill out and send to David Yassky (our city councilman) to make known your concern about the bedbug problem in North Brooklyn.
- Someone asked if there was a “bedbug map” of New York City. Bedbuggers is the place to go.
- Ann Kansfield offered to help put together a media campaign to raise awareness about bedbugs and induce more action on the part of out city officials.
- I advised contacting our Representative, Joseph Lentol. I have contacted him in the past about quality of life issues in his district. He is very good with the constituent services. I speak from experience when I write this.
HPD gives a number of workshops. All are free for the asking. Some of the topics they cover (aside from bedbugs) are mold and mildew; roaches and vermin abatement and lead paint awareness. If anyone is interested in learning more about these workshops, Mr. Brownbear can be contacted at:
browned (at) hpd (dot) nyc (dot) gov
Miss Heather
Fedders Friday: Eckford Street
Today’s installment of Fedders Friday hails from right here in Greenpoint. Many delights await the intrepid traveler who goes to Eckford Street.
Just north of Greenpoint Avenue one can check out 265.
This is the site of Crater Lake, which as you can see, is looking as inviting as ever.
And just down the street at 257 is this, a true masterwork of the Fedderist style.
Fedders boxes are evident, although the builder seems to have decided against placing one here. I am certain Louis Le Vau, the mastermind behind Versailles would understand this architect’s frustration at this egregious and unsolicited modification of his “vision”. That is, if Fedders boxes existed in the 17th century. Philistines.
Thank goodness no expense was spared regarding the use of cement and iron gates.
In keeping with great palaces, this one employed the use of a muralist. Art, after all, inspires and uplifts the soul. Just as Louis the XIV had Charles Le Brun at his service, the fine folks at 257 Eckford have seen fit to retain “DRIP”.
Yes sir your highness, this is one classy establishment.
A gracious host always see to it that his (or her) guests are entertained. In the era of the Sun King this usually entailed having extensively manicured gardens to stroll through and forests stocked with wild animals for the hunt. In Greenpoint we stick to down hill sledding.
As the buzzers attest there is no shortage of hired help on hand to attend to your every need. In addition, those of you who happen to overindulge at the ball, an amply stocked pissoir has thoughtfully been put in place for your convenience.
Tres magnifique!
Miss Heather
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