New York Shitty Day Ender: Sweet Victory

May 2, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

After I won the hat contest this evening (at tbd and gave props to Pa Heather— who was present— and to whom I dedicated the bottle of Maker’s Mark I won while wearing this) I encountered this select piece of street seating in front of the Viridian on the way home.

lostcouch

This one’s for you, Bob.*

Miss Heather

*You are gone— but not forgotten.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Happy May Day From The Viridian

May 1, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

viridian5109

This post is dedicated to the workers busy readying the Viridian for habitation today.

worker

All one of you.

yourcondo1

As you can see your creation has gained a measure recognition from the community. Albeit in a semantically flawed manner: your ugly building is, in fact, rental property.

yourcondoisugly2

Then again, if it wasn’t so ugly (and over-priced, for that matter) it may very well still be a condominium.

yourcondoisugly3

I suppose it really doesn’t matter anymore. But if I may make a suggestion…

viridianentrance

running a two by four through the door handles of your building isn’t exactly going to lure prospective tenants.

Miss Heather

GOOD MORNING GREENPOINT!

April 18, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Greenpoint Magic 

viridian

Thanks to our local community board the salad days of finger buildings in Greenpoint are over. Or are they?

110-green-street

As I was walking by 110 Green Street (AKA: The Viridian) something caught my eye.

110-green-41709nys

magicsbadfinger

Hey, that’s not very nice! I wonder if the salespeople for this dump are aware of this?

pleasecall

Hmm… looks like they’re out to lunch.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Street Seat

April 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit Signage, Greenpoint Magic, Street Furniture 

greenstreettoiletseat

You can always leave it to 106 Green Street (which is located immediately next door to the Viridian) to keep things real in the Garden Spot. In the case of the above photograph we have a stand pipe which reads:

Asshole Pick up your Dog Shit

an assortment of detritus and a toilet seat that is a lot worse for wear.

Have a nice day!

Miss Heather

The Color Of Living Well

April 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

(Or: Reader Request Of The Week)

thecoloroflivingwell

On Friday, April 3, 2009 Richard wrote:

I saw your blog covering all the crappy new construction going up in the city.  Could you do a follow-up post with photos that really indicate how poorly these buildings are constructed?  I want to see dented garage doors, rust, light fixtures falling off of buildings constructed within the last 10 years.  I am no longer local to NYC but I am scavenging the internet in an attempt to gather these kind of images for a project I am working on.

Thanks

I’ll be perfectly frank: ordinarily I bristle at this kind of request. I am the editrix of New York Shitty and in that capacity I determine what gets published and when. What’s more, I am lazy. However when one lives in close proximity to Greenpoint’s favorite “nondo”, The Viridian, finding suitable material for this gentleman’s project is easy enough. Hell, I can knock that out while grabbing a gallon of milk.

viridiankitprof

First off, even I have to grudgingly concede that Magic Johnson’s funky bunch have done a pretty decent job of making the facade of this building look like it was professionally built and not knocked out by Travis the Chimp. I strongly suspect the fact that I have made light of the lack of quality workmanship on this colossus on more than one occasion probably has something to do with this development. I also imagine one (or two) of their more astute marketing professionals finally deduced that having haphazard hunks of sheet metal hanging in plain view of interested clients coming and going from their sales office may not be conducive to drumming up business. I hope whoever had this startling revelation was compensated generously for his (or her) efforts. But I digress.

Although the front end of the Viridian is looking by all accounts okay (or at least as palatable as possible) nowadays I regret to inform my new friend Richard that the “back end” of this structure (located on Huron Street), well, looks like ass.

110greenstrear

The above photograph does not do this craptastic craftsmanship justice. Therefore I decided to shoot a little live footage. Enjoy!

Thank you Richard for putting the fire under my ass to follow-up on my affection for poorly constructed crap. Not only do I think this specimen will “jibe” wonderfully with your project but it gave me some much-needed amusement. How did this come to pass, you ask? Very simple: they’re asking $2,900 a month rent for a two bedroom in this turd.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Frontal shot of the Viridian comes courtesy of Kitchen Prof.

Word Of The Day: Nondo

December 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

(Or Ray Of Blight: A Dear John Letter to Magic Johnson)

Curbed wrote:

…You know the Viridian? (the ugly Modernist monolith depicted above— Ed. Note.) The high profile luxe condo at 110 Green Street in Greenpoint? We got a tip that it was going rental. We resisted running it as a rumor, even though we fully suspected it was true. An immediate denial was not forthcoming. The Viridian is still on the Developers Group website, although it is at the very end, behind two other buildings that recently went rental. Today comes word from a spokesperson: “According to The Developers Group, it’s being considering to convert the building to rental, but it has not been confirmed.” That, friends, is a polite way of saying “nondo in the works,” but we have to work out the legalities and paperwork. The building will be 130 units. The first segment of the building is slated to open by the end of the year or early 2009. Phase II is slated for late spring and Phase III is due in Q3 2009. Listings had shown asking prices for 1BRs starting at $458,000, 2BRs at $639,000 and 3BRs at $825,000. A little more than a dozen units had sold.

Non-do, n. pl. nondominiums: a substandard housing complex of dwelling units erected with a heavy measure of speculative greed, a promise of urban renewal (and a celebrity’s smile) with the cheapest labor and materials available in the hopes that each unit will be purchased at above market value. When the economy (and abject stupidity with a down payment) fails they dump their cheap crap into the rental market. See: Greenpoint, Suckers; Dewey, Cheatem and Howe or The Cocoanuts.

Um, this doesn’t look like a standard brick and mortar job to me, Magic.

Perhaps it’s because it is transparent (as opposed to opaque). I suppose that’s what renters and your 13 suckers buyers (or to see the glass half full: %10 OCCUPANCY) should expect for their money. For what’s it worth, your lackeys removed the siding peeling off the first floor of your dump testament to progress. I for one am grateful for this, as a humble peon who has the pleasure of living on the block where your testament to progress DUMP is being erected; it made walking down the sidewalk challenging.

Your eager beavers are working day and night now (without impediment from the Department of Buildings who I am certain someone in your chain of command paid off nicely) but none have seen fit to get rid of the vandalism. Including the bit of graffiti on the pillar next your building’s front door. You might want to look into that; it’s a turn-off to virtual golf-goers and roof-top cabana enthusiasts. And for the record I can state unequivocally that there has never been as much graffiti (or GARBAGE) on this block since you and yours saw fit to raze a fair chunk of it. Thank you for making Green Street less beautiful (or more ugly) place, Magic.

That’s not to suggest we didn’t have our good times: I got many a chuckle when workers from your site patronized my place of employment. A junk shop. Who doesn’t want to buy some porn (DVD only— urination, scat vids, much less Blackeyed Pees were unacceptable– only “fucky fucky”), stereo equipment or the odd saw (power strip, ruler, etc.) on his lunch hour? Especially when the scabs free market capitalists you hired are expected to provide their own tools? I was more than happy to assist them.

In my free time I have been verbally abused by your workers. Hissing and kissing noises mostly. Occasionally a chap would grab his nuts (to remind me I have none): a thankful reminder that I have no little head to overrule my “big head”. You’re a class operation, Viridian. I can hardly wait for phase 3, Magic.

Just like syphilis, your project is the gift that keeps on giving!

Miss Heather

The Viridian Gets Christened

December 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

In light of the recent spate of vandalism on this block (just a week ago one of my neighbors, a 50-something retired couple, had their car keyed rather viciously) I cannot honestly say this surprises me. As a matter of fact I am amazed it took someone this long to “modify” this edifice. While this act does little to beautify Green Street (which is looking damned rough of late) I do have to hand it to “acre” for having the chutzpah to leave his mark by the front door.

Miss Heather

Word Of The Day: Craftsmanship

November 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

For those of you who are wondering what caliber of workmanship $400,000 – $500,000 will purchase in Greenpoint nowadays the following images (taken of the Viridian on Thanksgiving Day) should prove to be quite illuminating.

The previous craptastic footage begs the following tantalizing question:

If these defects are clearly visible to passersby, what other latent defects does this development sport?

I suppose when one is paying for amenities like virtual golf, a gazing pool, rooftop cabanas (which I have been told have a splendid view of the shit tits) and a concierge such trivialities don’t really matter.

Miss Heather

Credits: Merriam Webster Online Dictionary

  • NYS Flickr Pool

    Manhattan bridge done in b/wUnited Nations HeadquartersBatala New YorkAtlantic AvenueBrooklyn and Manhattan Bridges2 Hour Auto GlassGourmet Milk CrateFenced umbrellas
  • Ads