From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Dispatch From The Viridian

Yesterday, dear readers, a very special item arrived in yours trulys inbox: an email from a person who lives in none other than the Viridian! I always thought the outside was pretty damned bad. If the following is any indication, the interior isn’t any better.

Anonymous writes:

This blog post writes itself… This is the sign on the ‘tranquility pool’ thing that became a garden.  And this sign showed up a few days after they finished with the garden.
Maybe it should’ve started with ‘Listen up you nasty ingrates.’

(nothing else needs to be said)

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Magic’s Touch

March 1, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

When I found this book at the junk shop last weekend I could help but take it to Green Street. A place that was and continues to be “touched” by Magic’s touch. The Viridian (or as I prefer to call it: The Green Street Dorms) continues to amuse. The window treatments at this edifice are particularly provocative. There are not very and as a result I have some insight into the lifestyles of 110 Green Street. A bra-clad woman sitting in a director’s chair here, a bedroom with two sets of bunk beds there; every evening the windows glow with plasma television goodness. I do not want to see these things— but I do. Whatever happened to privacy?

Well, here’s one solution to the problem. But back to Magic and his touch.

Mr. Johnson and his funky bunch have touched Greenpoint…

and some intrepid Garden Spotter has seen fit to return the favor.

Miss Heather

Dung of the Day: Reading is Fundamental

This weekend I bumped into my buddy Beatrice, the lovely lady and former proprietress of Casa Mon Amour. After much catching up she busted my chops for deviating from my web site’s initial premise: shit. I explained to her that there is so much of interest going on in our humble ‘burgh that merde has fallen by the wayside. What’s more, over the years I have become much more selective about the scatological specimens I feature.

southchina

Luckily for her I found I most tantalizing tableau today right next door to the Viridian* at the South China Import Company! I will start with the arrow at far left.

shit

Someone (or something) had a problem.

vibes

An attempt was made to clean up the problem using a flier advertising a summer shindig in Bridgeport, Connecticut: Gathering of the Vibes.

milan

When this failed our intrepid pooper scooper used what was at hand. In this case, a paperback copy of Milan Kundera’s Book of Laughter and Forgetting.

book

Am I the only person who finds this sort of depressing?

Miss Heather

*Whose craftsmanship, I assure you, is stellar as ever.

shims

shacks

I have no idea what this is about— and truth be told I don’t think I want to know. What I can tell you is it obstructs the sidewalk and I am none too happy about it.

shackattack

Yes sir. I imagine this piece of affordable housing will find a tenant in no time!

Greenpoint Degentrification Watch: Lofts 305 Still Sucks

December 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Bloomblight, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

lofts305

Remember this edifice? It is located at 305 McGuinness Boulevard. I have written about this testament to the failure of the “gentrification” of Greenpoint on far more occasions than I care recount. Look ’em up on my site. That said, I really enjoy comparing this to this. That’s some damned good Photoshop work! But I digress.

My friends at Curbed scooped me on the infamous lock-out back in April. Today, I will recount to you a few problems a current resident is experiencing at 305 Lofts. While you read the following I want you to bear in mind this person, whose identity I will keep anonymous, is paying $2,800 a month in rent for this “experience”. Here’s the back-story:

  • The reason this person lives at 305 Lofts is because he/she originally signed a lease (and tendered a security deposit of $3,000) for an apartment 110 Green Street: another nondo known as The Viridian.
  • The organization behind this atrocity went bankrupt and his/her agent (under the hire of Cityspaces) showed him/her 149 Huron Street (the now failed Geo Condominiums— see a pattern developing here?). After noting the buckling wood floors (and less square footage) he/she refused.

Then the agent took him/her to 305 McGuinness Boulevard. AKA: 305 Lofts. He/she signed a 2 year lease and now regrets it. BIG TIME. Among other things:

  1. His/her apartment is still unfinished— as is a great deal of the building.
  2. The tap water is white or brown— this varies by apartment.
  3. The tiling in his/her bathroom is cracking and laden with mold. This has to be doused with bleach every day.
  4. His/her oven does not work properly due to lack of sufficient insulation/cabinetry.
  5. The landlord— or someone purporting to represent the landlord, one never knows with this place— has made it known that anyone involved in forming a “tenants’ group” will be evicted.

Nice, eh?

By the way, landlords retaliating against tenants for organizing is illegal. Then again, given all the problems with this property it is all too clear they don’t care— and why should they? The people behind 305 McGuinness have been hit with several violations for endangering public safety. The fines assessed (and paid) range from $480 to $2,000. This is what public safety (READ: a human life) is worth per the Department of Buildings.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: More Ado About The Viridian

December 3, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

zan

zan2

Earlier this week I made light of the pool at the Viridian achieving a very Brooklyn hue.  Well, if my inbox is any indication, that wouldn’t appear to be the only thing that’s shaking at the house Magic built. Zan writes (in regards to the above photographs in an email entitled “Stay Classy Viridian”):

hey heather! have you seen the latest, greatest security system that has been installed at the huron street entrance to the viridian? wood planks- the doormen of the new economy!

Needless to say I had to see this in person. I was not disappointed.

noparking

You know what they say:

Good fences make good neighbors.

This fence reminds me of the Berlin wall.

Wall

As does this, for that matter.

entrance

The security system (a one by two) has been disarmed.

planks

Something closely resembling a book shelf from a college dormitory has been erected in front.*

facade1

facade2

facade3

And the facade is looking as Cold War fabulous as ever!

In all seriousness folks, two months free rent or otherwise, I cannot believe people are paying top dollar to live in this dump.

Miss Heather

*Which fell over when a truck drove by.

whoops

Whoops.

New York Shitty Day Ender: The Color of Brooklyn

November 29, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 

luxuryrentals

viridian

englishkills

How’s that for authenticity!

Miss Heather

LAST GASP: Feel The Magic!

October 31, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Once in a blue moon this neighborhood even catches me with my pants down. Or in this case: while uploading video footage. Therefore I can only bear witness to what I beheld fifteen minutes ago: a horde of zombies headed down Green Street to their final destination, the Mark Bar. Before doing so they took a moment to menace the Viridian. We’re talking howling caterwauling, clawing and tapping umbrellas against windows. Simply put, it was beautiful.

This one’s for you, Zombie Crawlers. From the bottom of my heart!

*tears*

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Gentrification Watch: 110 Green Street

October 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

viridian

It has been awhile since I have written about my favorite nondo: the Viridian. This is because since “Bird Gate” (in August) there has not been anything truly noteworthy to pass along. That is, until today.

needles2

Yes sir. Inasmuch as the Garden Spot of the Universe seems to be transforming into dime store version of her more famous sister down south, some things never change.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Saturday Night In Greenpoint

September 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

outcold

This nook— or would that be cranny— on Green Street has become a very popular place for our increasing homeless population to get a little al fresco shut-eye. Perhaps the Viridian could take him in? They have the space to share. Let’s put this nondo to good use!*

Miss Heather

*This week I had an epiphany regarding the multitude of half-completed/bankrupt apartment buildings in north Brooklyn. We, as citizens, should not be rewarding these chaps by bailing them out with our tax dollars with no strings attached, e.g.; if said properties do indeed turn a profit we’ll see no return on our investment. (Which is exactly what the HARP plan will do). We should convert them into for profit prisons and homeless shelters. Greenpoint has pretty much become one (of many) dumping grounds for Manhattan’s “undesirables”— why not make a few bucks off it? Beside, convicted felons *cough*  *Madoff* deserve scenic Manhattan views, a doorman, swimming pool and balconies too!

The Viridian Institutes The “No Boil” Rule

September 16, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

I have long refrained from passing along to you, dear readers, the good news that the Viridian’s pool is open for business. This is because I thought it wasn’t really interesting enough to merit passing along.

pool2

Here it is.

pool1

Here is another view.

chairs

Although a bit cheap looking, there’s nothing terribly remarkable about these chairs. No excitement here. Then I looked directly across from these chairs— and it started to get quite interesting.

signs

Four signs have been hung outlining the rules for personal conduct for said pool. The left one explains capacity, the far right one points out that no lifeguard is on the duty (and thus swimming is prohibited). The two in the middle get right down to the nitty gritty.

discharge

Yes, I realize Curbed featured this very sign a month ago.

NOBOILSnys

But when paired with this, its companion to the left, well— that’s when I realized this is one class operation.

Miss Heather

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