New York Shitty Day Starter: Ask & Ye Shall Receive!

It has come to my attention that Brownstoner saw fit to feature an apartment for sale hailing from none other that Belvedere XX. Ostensibly because someone took umbrage with me calling this edifice a piece of crap*— which I assure you it is. Belvedere XX is also known as 185 India Street and the neighbor of LoftsGreenpoint Rental Shitshow Part 1305.

Crap likes company. Especially on McGuinness Boulevard.

But this post isn’t about Belvedere XX, Brownstoner or McGuinness Boulevard. It’s about Belvedere XXXVI and “Park Slope”. On January 25, 2010 I wrote in this post:

…The Belvederization of Park Slope?!? Needless to say I had to get to the bottom of this (inasmuch as one can without G train service). We headed to the closest Belvedere without delay.

Sure enough, it is true! Replete with all the accoutrements we have grown to expect from Belvedere: commodious roof decks and balconies. Needless to say I must see this. However, I am more or less precluded from going to 175 12 Street personally. I am not only too busy with matters north Brooklyn but quite frankly doling out $2.25 in subway fare strikes me as being far too much money to outlay on such an endeavor.

This is where you come in: could some kind soul get a photograph of this property and send it to me via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com? I’m dying to see Belvedere XXXVI. Especially in light of the fact this edifice is conveniently located near Lowes, the Brooklyn Queens Expressway and the aromatic Gowanus Canal. Who wouldn’t want an eyeful (or noseful) of that!

Well, I asked for it and I got it. Rowan 5 writes:

Here ya go. The Belvedere is closer to 3rd ave. It’s surrounded by frame houses mostly, with a giant high rise luxury building at the corner of 4th and 12th.

It’s not a bad-looking block but Park Slope proper it is not.

Most definitely not.

I love the prominent poster on the front door advertising Greenpoint and Williamsburg condos…

So there have you: Park Slope Gowanus is the new Greenpoint!

Miss Heather

*I have been told by an anonymous source that someone who bought a unit at Belvedere III, which is admittedly the Pete Best of the Belvederes, ended up re-selling at a loss. Apparently he bought one of the quasi-legal “studio” apartments they are known for (READ: a minuscule first floor apartment with a fully appointed basement including— I shit you not— a sauna). It had problems with flooding.

Spotted at Lofts 305: Department of Homeland Security

December 24, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 


There are very few things which make stop dead in my tracks. Vehicles belonging to the Department of Homeland Security’s Explosion Detection team are among them. I found the above vehicle parked squarely in front of the entrance of Lofts 305 at 11:30 a.m. this morning. After I got over the initial “wtf” factor I asked a couple of contractors working nearby what gives. They told this chap was simply buying some lunch. This, of course, does not answer why this vehicle is here in the first place— but I decided not to push my luck. As far as Lofts 305 is concerned, I do not rule anything out of the realm of possibility.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Degentrification Watch: Lofts 305 Still Sucks

December 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11222, Bloomblight, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 


Remember this edifice? It is located at 305 McGuinness Boulevard. I have written about this testament to the failure of the “gentrification” of Greenpoint on far more occasions than I care recount. Look ’em up on my site. That said, I really enjoy comparing this to this. That’s some damned good Photoshop work! But I digress.

My friends at Curbed scooped me on the infamous lock-out back in April. Today, I will recount to you a few problems a current resident is experiencing at 305 Lofts. While you read the following I want you to bear in mind this person, whose identity I will keep anonymous, is paying $2,800 a month in rent for this “experience”. Here’s the back-story:

  • The reason this person lives at 305 Lofts is because he/she originally signed a lease (and tendered a security deposit of $3,000) for an apartment 110 Green Street: another nondo known as The Viridian.
  • The organization behind this atrocity went bankrupt and his/her agent (under the hire of Cityspaces) showed him/her 149 Huron Street (the now failed Geo Condominiums— see a pattern developing here?). After noting the buckling wood floors (and less square footage) he/she refused.

Then the agent took him/her to 305 McGuinness Boulevard. AKA: 305 Lofts. He/she signed a 2 year lease and now regrets it. BIG TIME. Among other things:

  1. His/her apartment is still unfinished— as is a great deal of the building.
  2. The tap water is white or brown— this varies by apartment.
  3. The tiling in his/her bathroom is cracking and laden with mold. This has to be doused with bleach every day.
  4. His/her oven does not work properly due to lack of sufficient insulation/cabinetry.
  5. The landlord— or someone purporting to represent the landlord, one never knows with this place— has made it known that anyone involved in forming a “tenants’ group” will be evicted.

Nice, eh?

By the way, landlords retaliating against tenants for organizing is illegal. Then again, given all the problems with this property it is all too clear they don’t care— and why should they? The people behind 305 McGuinness have been hit with several violations for endangering public safety. The fines assessed (and paid) range from $480 to $2,000. This is what public safety (READ: a human life) is worth per the Department of Buildings.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Separated At Birth…

or would that be death?

Colleen writes: not to take away from your own adventures in shit condos, thought you’d enjoy this.


Enjoy it I did (although Cheapshit failed to mention vibramassage beds in the above post). I laughed my ass off. Here’s another corker.


Cheapshit writes:

From their website

The Cobrizo @ Lake Union, combines affordability with spectacular views of Lake Union. The buildings trendy industrial exterior flows into the interior where interesting colors, angles and transitions between rooms emulate an active urban lifestyle.

WTF are they talking about?!?

By “emulate an active urban lifestyle” they must mean living directly on one of Seattle’s biggest highways, Aurora. Do not actively run across the highway in front, you will die…

I take issue with this. At least the Cobrizo has nice cement barriers to prevent some hapless idiot from driving into some other hapless idiot’s living room.

another view of the sceneNYS

Last month in Greenpoint, Brooklyn U.S.A. a traffic light and one of Mayor Mike’s 1,000,000 trees “took one for the team”.

Welcome to Huron Street!nys

This little mishap blocked McGuinness Boulevard for hours. I have no idea how the chair factors into this. It has four legs; it could have, should have run. Maybe it did? In any case it does not appear to be very happy.


The “305 Lofts” were planned as condominiums but have since been dumped into rental propertywith a few hilarious bumps along the way. I suspect the proximity to McGuinness Boulevard and being located one block away from the east coast’s largest waste treatment plant might have something to do with this. But I digress. Let’s proceed to the supreme grotesque— the purpose of this post.


In regards to the latter Cheapshit writes:

In these days of Seattle condo market freefall, we don’t build new condos. We almost tear down old buildings that were perfectly livable and leave them undemolished while making web sites about the fancy condo towers that we might build. This near pile of rubble one year later is the site of the “Seneca Towers”. The developer Levin Menzies, living in California, seems to have lost interest in this project. This is also what happens when you let developers run your city.


Same goes in New York Shitty. Who needs history or character when condos beckon?


Different coast, same story.


I am certain when the time comes the “Toch” facade will be lavished the same attention to historic and stylistic detail as this Karl Fischer masterpiece on Richardson Street.


Or this, his latest turd, 200 Franklin Street.

200 franklin

Both of the previous abominations were built by virtue of “modification” permits that are doled out New York City’s very own Department of Buildings regularly. Slapping obnoxious residential towers atop industrial properties is Karl’s forte. He is a one man race to the bottom.

This is what happens when developers run your city.

Miss Heather

Cheapshit, Queens Crap and I should do a bi-coastal critique of condo crap. It could be fun.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Holy Shit

Anonymous writes:

Miss Heather,

Well, Greenpoint drivers continue their reign of terror.

I’m writing to report a traffic crash at McGuinness Blvd and Huron Street at around 6:15PM. A driver, evidently speeding at what must have been way over the speed limit (50 mph?), hit a lightpole (knocking it clean off the sidewalk) and a parked car on the southwest corner. The driver appeared unharmed but shaken.  Of course he was not ticketed or arrested. Witnesses report that the driver almost hit several people on the sidewalk and in the crosswalk. One witness said that the driver was swerving to avoid another car, which fled the scene.

FDNY blocked off the intersection, but NYPD did not direct traffic. This encouraged stupid drivers to drive over the sidewalk to get down Huron. One driver got confrontational and threatened to assault pedestrians when they were “in their way” on the sidewalk.

Photos attached.

another view of the sceneNYS

Looks like Lofts 305 got an unexpected visitor.

FDNY clearing the debrisNYS

motorhead threatening pedestriansNYS

Apparently this is the motorist that was threatening pedestrians.

NYPD going to interview the driverNYS

An officer heads over to talk to the driver.

the driver being treated by FDNYnys

the sceneNYSjpg

Welcome to Huron Street!nys


Miss Heather

Greenpoint Gentrification Watch: Lofts 305 Gets That “Lived In” Look

May 11, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Today at long last I had the time to stroll down one of my favorite north Brooklyn thoroughfares: McGuinness Boulevard. The recent spate of rotten weather and entertaining friends and family has precluded me from doing so with my usual frequency. This is a shame as I discovered today there is plenty of Greenpoint glory afoot! CASE IN POINT: Lofts 305


The above photograph was taken today at around 1:00 p.m. I know what you’re thinking:

I don’t see anything amiss here. What’s the big deal?

I beg to differ. You see, some person or persons decided to give this building a make-over (or would that be make-under?) using what appears to be a can of black spray paint…


and a pellet gun.


What’s even more fascinating is which windows our perpetrator elected to target.





Perhaps I am being a wee bit conspiratorial here, but it would certainly seem like someone isn’t too keen on Loft 305’s advertising campaign. In light of recent events it does beg the question as to whether the author of the above misdeeds was a neighbor or a disgruntled tenant.

Miss Heather

Reader Contribution Du Jour: 305 Lofts Redux

March 13, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

305thumbnailSome of you might have noticed I have been having a lot of fun with the Loft 305 this week. Well, the party found its way to my inbox. An anonymous tipster writes:

Thought you might enjoy these. View from inside 305 Lofts. Must be spectacular at night, eh?

Eager to see what Greenpoint goodness was attached to this email I enthusiastically toggled down.

I was not disappointed.




Perhaps I am being a stickler but this scenic vista looks very little like the one gracing Loft 305’s web site. Hmm…

Miss Heather

Dung Of The Day: The Broken Windows Theory

March 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic 

305thumbnailYesterday I wrote about the urban rusticism/added value the Loft 305’s neighbors have seen fit to give their rather intimidating and big friend. Today I had the pleasure of walking by this edifice I call “Fort Apache the ‘Point” again today. I noted a couple gawking at the hanging wires and graffiti gracing the property.

I saw the previous after I discovering this smashed out window (as seen to the right) which can be found at ground level. Don’t believe me? Click here and see for yourself. Not only did the wizards behind this project see fit to place windows within easy peeping, pissing and vomiting distance (and for the record I have seen the latter two in abundance on this strip of road along with blood) but they saw fit to enable their tenants open them. My theory is they wanted their clients to get some fresh air. This is a sterling idea in principle but when one factors in realty it doesn’t work very well. The perfume of taxi garage across the street, waste treatment plant one block away and the automotive exhaust (only the boulevard called McGuinness can provide) will be the only air these people will breathe. With neighbors like this why quit smoking? Hell, I’d even advocate taking up the habit just to cover up the stench. One month’s free rent and no broker fee will give you plenty of money to buy ciggies for just this purpose. Marketing genius! But I digress.

Back to the purpose of this post: today’s dung of the day.


A shitpop lollipoop* as found on the Huron Street side of the Lofts 305. Yum.

Miss Heather

*Thanks Copyranter!

Thought Of The Day

March 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


If you are going to build a ginormous “luxury” apartment building/fortress on McGuinness Boulevard (and for the record I find this to be an excruciatingly foolish thing to do) it might behoove you to remove the graffiti from the entrance before having an open house.



Somehow “kook” written in pink spray paint and a bunch of wires dangling from a wall do not strike me as being a very good selling tool— but what would I know? Perhaps this is some new marketing tactic I don’t know about?

Miss Heather

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