Christmas With Q

(Or: Drinking On Duty)

Last night a good friend of mine— one who I do not see as often as I’d like to— came over for Christmas dinner. The reason I do not see her much is she is a bartender and as a result keeps “vampire hours”. Nonetheless my friend, who we will call “Q”, usually has a host of work stories to share when we do see each other. Some of them are very funny, some of them are not. Which brings me to the subject of this post: as we supped and were getting caught up the subject of the 94th Precinct arose. I found what she had to recount downright disturbing.

Q recounted to me numerous occasions when those who ostensibly protect and serve us would drop by her place of employment seeking something to drink. In uniform. On duty. When one such public servant requested a margarita Q felt compelled to point the beverage in question had alcohol in it. To wit he replied:

A margarita has alcohol in it?

The last time I checked they do. Or should. In any case I can personally attest that my buddy Q makes ’em strong!

Another time Q overheard one officer say to another:

What if (excised— supervisor) smells this on my breath?

Inasmuch as I understand it this issue was quickly resolved and they proceeded to imbibe. As you can imagine my friend does not feel very comfortable being asked by officers on duty to serve them alcoholic beverages. Can you blame her? After all, we are talking about a group of men and women who have to think on their feet and let us not forget: bear firearms. But as the evening wound down I came away with the distinct impression drinking on duty is a fairly common practice.

Why don’t they go to the Turkey’s Nest? Everyone knows they’ll give you drinks to go. That’s where the police go.

Q mused. This is a very good question. Perhaps someone should posit it to our new Commanding Officer?

Miss Heather

Now At McCarren Park: Indecent Exposure

checkin it out and whippin it outI feel compelled to bring this item (which was taken November 22nd by Miss Mousey Brown) to my fellow Greenburgers’s attention. She writes:

This young man is not a public urinator. He is an exhibitionist or public self- pleasurer. This was a little before school let out. This person fondled his genitals on top of his jeans for a minute while surveying the landscape of joggers, soccer players , and me. He pulled out his penis for about one minute, displayed it to all of the north-face of Bayard street and then he decided to put “it” away.

Can you imagine what it will be like when the McCarren Park Pool reopens? He’ll feel like a kid in a candy store! In all seriousness, please be on the lookout for this chap— and if you spot him “at work” call 911  STAT! This is gross.

Miss Heather

P.S.: For those of you who are wondering (you know who you are) and identification purposes this chap is purported to be rather well endowed.

Notes From The 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting

Yours truly didn’t feel like going— but she went anyway. I’m glad I did! For starters (and by Greenpoint standards, anyway) the meeting was pretty mellow. This is a good thing since I was not really in the mood for some of the angrier and uglier rhetoric that can (and does) come to pass at these meetings. This is not to suggest there wasn’t anger: there most assuredly was. The difference was the people (ladies all) who aired their ire were (as a friend noted) so darned nice about it! Bicyclists, illegal sidewalk vendors, impertinent youths and liquor licenses all get the treatment at the hands (or would that be mouths) of these ladies. One such lass made an observation so piquant that she has henceforth earned my undying admiration. But I am getting ahead of myself. Without further ado here is footage from last night’s meeting— along with synopses and a bit of analysis from yours truly. Enjoy!

Part I: D. I. Fulton gives opening statements/props and a general rundown of crime trends.

The Rundown:

  • Grand larceny auto and burglaries are up, everything else is down.
  • Vehicle accidents are down 4.1%
  • D. I. Fulton explains that since the crime stats for the 94th are so low that one or two burglaries can skew the crime statistics upward.
  • A spate of robberies via a man riding a bicycle centering (roughly) around “Woodpoint Road and Conselyea Street”. This individual has since been apprehended and identified in a line-up by two victims. NOTE: this chap’s activities came to pass between (once again: roughly) 1:00 and 2:00 a.m. in the morning and his victims were women in their 20’s.
  • D. I. Fulton talks about burglaries.

Part II: D. I. Fulton speaks about car break-ins and the public speaks!

  • Arrests are up 24.7%
  • A case of Greenpoint roof theft
  • D. I. Fulton advises runners patronizing McCarren Park to mind their personal property.
  • One citizen applauds the 94th for apprehending a man who exposed himself to her and her daughter— and physically threatened them at North 7 Street and Bedford Avenue.
  • Same said citizen complains about illegal street vendors.

Part III: The Public Speaks, continued

  • Illegal vendors, continued
  • A general discourse on unruly behavior in general on Bedford Avenue and Williamsburg in general.
  • A Greenpoint resident queries D. I. Fulton about vehicle theft: there were 13 over the summer and 109 total.

Parts IV & V: The Public Speaks, continued

The aforementioned Greenpoint resident complains about Five Leaves’s use of the sidewalk (allegedly after permitted hours for a “sidewalk cafe”) and follows is a general discussion:

  • A burglary on Bedford Avenue
  • A lady from the Lions Club gives the 94th props

  • Bicyclists
  • Street closures and parties, e.g.; do they require permits?
  • Other things including— but not limited to— one of the most awesome observations (or dare I hope: promises) I have ever heard at a 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting. Go to 2:31 and hear it for yourself!
  • There are 97 liquor licenses pending (including a renewal for the Production Lounge*). D.I. Fulton explains this as “growing pains”.
  • Parties
  • Complaints about 311 dropping calls

Closing observations/thoughts:

  1. Once again and all things considered: this meeting was pretty tame.
  2. Nonetheless there was plenty of anger to go around. This mostly centered around aspects of the “new” Williamsburg being a tourist attraction and/or a watering hole of choice. Which brings me to…
  3. the subject of liquor licenses. If the ostensible function of our Community Board is to be the voice of the people and/or institute some semblance of “community standards” their determinations should be more binding. What’s the point of having due process if the SLA (State Liquor Authority) simply looks at their recommendation— let’s say, to deny a liquor and/or Cabaret license— and they issue the license (undoubtedly greased along by lobbyists/parties with deep pockets) anyway? Just a thought.
  4. The previous Op Ed(s) having been written (and to close on a note of levity), I am taking a serious shine to the notion of some exchange program between Greenburg/Williamspoint grannies and ‘noobs in the ‘hood.** I have no doubt the previous can show middle America a few things about partying (take this, for example.) Our friends (far) beyond the Hudson could use some good ol’ north Brooklyn flavor! It builds character.

Miss Heather

*Which inasmuch as much as yours truly can ascertain is STILL operating a monthly strip club. CASE IN POINT:

**I mean this with all due respect. I have grown to absolutely adore Greenpoint grandmas over the years. I simply wish others had the pleasure of enjoying their company. It isn’t so much about “Go back to Ohio”, so to speak, as it is “Get thee to Ohio”— and get us some respect!

Once Again: 94th Precinct Community Council Meeting

September 21, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Remember the item I posted this weekend stating the 94th Precinct’s Community Council monthly meeting was scheduled for September 20, 2010? Well, it was canceled. This month’s meeting will be conducted this evening instead.

94th Precinct Community Council Meeting
September 20 21, 2010 7:30 p.m.
Capital One Bank
(AKA: The Greenpoint Savings Bank)
807 Manhattan Avenue, Calyer Street Entrance
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Another Party At 66 North 1 Street?

August 22, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Culture War, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Night before last I could not for the life of me fall— and STAY— asleep. I attribute the latter to our furkid, Jerzy. He has recently decided that the wee hours of the morning are “play time”. All I am going to say it’s a damned good thing the little fella is cute. Sadly , the same cannot be said about the following batch of night owls. M writes:

dear miss heather

thank you for your help last time, i appreciate it. it is 1:47 a.m. and there is another party in the same unrented condo building at 66 North 1st street.  this time people are inside all the unrented apartments, some have red lights on, and there are people on the roof ( last time it was just the courtyard)  i called the police and they said they already had complaints and a car was on the way but they said this last time and nothing happened until 8 am.  i am praying this is not a repeat. 

i went over and the people were not at all friendly and one of them said “this is dumbo” (!!! —Ed. Note) so they are also geographically challenged.  i told them i had called the police and this made them a little nervous but they have not turned the music down.

i have no idea who is throwing the party, but i think it’s a security guard on the take.  i think the developer must not have taken the complaints seriously last time.  the crowd is younger and more mixed this time, including a lot of Hispanic teenagers, a very different crowd than last time.  no boas were spotted.

Now jump forward to this morning. A photograph of said festivities was awaiting my delectation.

Another anonymous tipster writes:

I’m sure people who are buying these condos would love to know people have been partying in them first.

Indeed! I wonder what’s next for this— Williamsburg’s most swingingest nondo— a casino, perhaps? If any of you, dear readers, can think of other more compelling alternative uses for this repurposed piece of residential property please share them via the comments. The best submission will win a (to be determined) prize.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Noise Woes

July 12, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

A person we’ll call N writes:

Hey Heather,

I hate to beat a dead horse, but this problem just won’t go away.  I was up again until 4am because of Coco66’s monthly dub step night.  The 2nd Saturday of every month, Coco’s really loves to just blast that bass until the wee hours of the morning. I called 311 and made a complaint.  The funny thing is, I looked up the status just now (as seen at left — Ed. Note) and it said the Police took action and fixed the problem, which is a most blatant lie.  They didn’t do anything, as I said I was up until 4am.  I’ve also contacted the Community Board twice now, once in May (never to hear a response) and again last week.  At this point I don’t know what’s left for me to do other than move, which I really shouldn’t have to do if the city just upheld it’s own ordinance laws.  Do you have any advice?

Although I have outlined the protocol for this kind of thing numerous times (and despite the fact it appears to not to be working for N so far) here they are again:

1. Contact Community Board 1 and forward all pertinent documentation— including 311 complaint numbers— to them. Their email address is: bk01 (at) cb (dot) nyc (dot) gov

2. Contact Assemblyman Joe Lentol’s Office. This too can be done quickly and easily via email: lentolj (at) assembly (dot) state (dot) ny (dot) ny (dot) us

3. Contact Councilman Steve Levin’s office. His email address is as follows: slevin (at) council (dot) nyc (dot) gov

4. Go to the next 94th Precinct Community Council and make D. I. Fulton aware that the officers under his watch did not resolve the noise problem to your satisfaction. I suspect the next meeting will, unfortunately, be in September. But you should contact them via telephone and confirm this.

5. And in N’s case talk to your neighbors and see if they too are experiencing sleepless nights due to CoCo66’s din. The more people you have following steps #1 through #4 the better!

In closing (and in reference to point #5), has noise from CoCo66 (or CoCo68, for that matter) been a problem for you? If so I’d very much like to hear from you. Please tender you two cents via comments or email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. Your identity will remain anonymous if you so desire. Thanks!

Miss Heather

Spotted On North 5 Street: A Question

July 1, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Criminal Activity, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

When I spied this solicitation I felt it was passing along here as it is a reminder that storing one’s bicycle in his/her apartment building will not prevent it form being stolen. Not only is this practice common, but the 94th Precinct is registering bicycles so in the event they are stolen (and recovered) they can be returned to their rightful owners. This service is totally free. You can make an appointment with Officer Moulterie (who is spearheading this project) by calling (718) 383 – 3879. Do it!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Hit & Run

(in more ways that one) Anonymous writes:

I ran into one of my old friends tonight and while we were talking about our recent life events, some guy and his girl apparently were arguing in front of the AT&T store in the triangle of Bedford/Nassau/Lorimer. Some other guy on a bike decides to be righteously angry and cold cocks the guy in the face as he rode by. The guy who was punched got knocked cold and hit his head on the bike rack (those upside down U shaped pipe things bolted to the sidewalk that nobody uses) on the way down splitting the back of his head open. Lotsa blood and freaked the g/f out. We called 911, four 94th pc’s showed, FDNY, ambulance, etc. We split once the authorities showed

Description of assailant was white, young, white t-shirt, green army pants on a crappy bike.

Sorry to bring yet another bike shit thing, but…

Hope the dude who got hit is ok, he looked pretty awful.

Never a dull moment in the Garden Spot.

Miss Heather

LAST GASP: The 94th Precinct On Yelp

I suppose this is common knowledge to some of you but it is news to me. The 94th Precinct has its very own Yelp page. And, well, it is something. Here’s the first review:

I got my first ticket in New York!!!

I.Am.Dangerous.

Wait- I wanna try that again.

I.Am.MOTHERFUCKIN’.Dangerous

My run in with New York’s finest (hee hee hee) went something like this:

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets check out the view of Manhattan from that waterfront”

Me: “Um OK”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go on the other side of the BARB WIRE TOPPED (sic) fence”

Me: “Umm Ok”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go sit on that PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED DISGUSTING LOOKING (sic) log”

Me: “No way.  I am far too cute to go any further and risk stepping on a hypodermic needle or falling into that skanky ‘waterfront’ or… SHIT its the Po-Po.  I’m gonna be pissed if I get a ticket or a fine.  Oh sure, you don’t have anything to worry about, but its hard out here for a sista’.

(Three cops roll up in a cruiser and get out)

Cop #1: “Are you aware that you are trespassing?” blah,blah,blah

Cop #2:  “Do you have identification?”

Me:  “Are you kidding me? Are you really gonna give us tickets?”

Cop #1:  “Thinkin’ about it”

Me:  “I guess I better cut back on the attitude then”

Cop #2:  (a smile and a nod)

IGOTATICKETFORTRESSPASSING!!!  But, the Police were efficient and very nice.  (And Cop #2 informed me that the ticket would probably be thrown out AND he apologized AND encouraged my picture taking of the absent “No Trespassing Zone” sign)

I want to bake those boys cookies.I got my first ticket in New York!!!

I.Am.Dangerous.

Wait- I wanna try that again.

I.Am.MOTHERFUCKIN’.Dangerous

My run in with New York’s finest (hee hee hee) went something like this:

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets check out the view of Manhattan from that waterfront”

Me: “Um OK”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go on the other side of the BARB WIRE TOPPED (sic) fence”

Me: “Umm Ok”

Brooks Brother Sweater Wearing Ring Leader: “Lets go sit on that PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED DISGUSTING LOOKING (sic) log”

Me: “No way.  I am far too cute to go any further and risk stepping on a hypodermic needle or falling into that skanky ‘waterfront’ or… SHIT its the Po-Po.  I’m gonna be pissed if I get a ticket or a fine.  Oh sure, you don’t have anything to worry about, but its hard out here for a sista’.

(Three cops roll up in a cruiser and get out)

Cop #1: “Are you aware that you are trespassing?” blah,blah,blah

Cop #2:  “Do you have identification?”

Me:  “Are you kidding me? Are you really gonna give us tickets?”

Cop #1:  “Thinkin’ about it”

Me:  “I guess I better cut back on the attitude then”

Cop #2:  (a smile and a nod)

IGOTATICKETFORTRESSPASSING!!!  But, the Police were efficient and very nice.  (And Cop #2 informed me that the ticket would probably be thrown out AND he apologized AND encouraged my picture taking of the absent “No Trespassing Zone” sign)

I want to bake those boys cookies.

Trust me: it gets even better from there. Be sure to read the second item where a disgruntled citizen calls Denis Leary a “Stupid Boston Jerk” because (among other things) he won’t come out of his trailer and sign autographs. I am not making this shit up. This is North Brooklyn at its very finest, folks. Reading is believing.

Miss Heather

P.S.: For the love of god Mr. Leary give Gary L. your autograph already! Shit, give him his own damned television show!

The Calyer Street Bike Bandit Strikes Again!

January 29, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Criminal Activity, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Remember the reader email I posted on January 25 about a fellow Greenpointer having not one, BUT TWO, bicycles stolen last weekend? Well, it would appear they have struck again. Per my Calyer Street tipster:

i don’t know who’s letting them in, so it has to be delivery something, or someone who works for the landlady.

i am having my brother in law put the new lock in TOMORROW.

First off, I want to tender my sincerest sympathies to my Calyer Street compadre. Knowing that a thief has been in your apartment building is disturbing enough. The fact he (or she, I suppose) had the chutzpah to come back— or worse—- someone else has taken to pillaging on your private property is even worse! While I realize this may be cold comfort to this individual, I want to reiterate that the 94th Precinct is registering bicycles. This service is totally free and will make tracking down your ride much easier in the event (god forbid) it is stolen. You can get the contact information for the woman spearheading this effort by clicking here (look at the second to last paragraph).

Miss Heather

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