TONIGHT: Roadwork At The Mark Bar

January 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

subtexturethumbThose of you who have eaten at COCO 68 recently probably noticed the art work hanging in the back room. Well, the artist behind these works is Chris Smith and this evening he will be strutting his stuff at our very own Mark Bar! Here are the deets per his press release:

Happy New Year everyone!
Thanks to everyone for your support in the past year, 2009 is already off to a quick start! I’m taking over Brooklyn this month, with my “Roadwork Ahead” series of paintings at 3 locations

Help me celebrate by joining me this Wed at the Mark Bar. They are extending their Economic Bailout Happy Hour until 9pm (that means $3 for almost everything in the bar!!) and be sure to stick around for XXXTreme Bingo at 10pm (yeah you heard me!)

Booze, bingo, art and porn (a bag of which is one of the prizes offered at the Mark Bar’s XXXTreme Bingo Night) : I cannot think of a better way to spend a Wednesday night in Greenpoint!

ROADWORK
January 14, 2008, 4:00 – 9:00 p.m.
The Mark Bar
1025 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

ceeflat

Closing on an art-related note, some of you might have noticed that the Habitat recently reopened after taking a few days off for vacation. What you might not have noticed is what’s shaking upstairs.

theceeflatnys

The space is called The Ceeflat

live

…and every Thursday night starting tomorrow, January 15, they’re hosting a live open figure drawing workshop. As it would happen one of my resolutions this year is to bone up on my draftsmanship (What’s the point of having a degree in Painting and Drawing if you don’t, in fact, draw anymore?). The promise of “costumes” and a paltry $15.00 fee will undoubtedly make this resolution easier for yours truly to stick with.

The Cee Flat
988 Manhattan
Brooklyn, New York 11222

(347) 987-3141
www.theceeflat.com

My fuzzy pink bunny ears are quivering with anticipation!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Happy Ending

January 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This textbook example of Greenpoint driving comes courtesy of Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

P.S.: As of January 11, 2008 the fender is still there.

Greenpoint Blind Item: Anti-Semitism For Sale

January 2, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Before I proceed with today’s blind item I would like to share how I kicked off the New Year with you. I awoke in the afternoon to the sound of Mister Heather babbling on the telephone. I quickly deduced that I was the subject of the conversation after I heard the following:

…she was born the same year I was. She’s older than me. Yeah, we’re closer to 40 now than we are to 30. It doesn’t bother me any though.

He then proceeded to expound upon this upbeat topic by pointing out that we have a few years left before health insurance starts getting expensive. While on the toilet. Wearing the very suit nature provided him. I later learned the Mister was talking to his mother.

Why was my husband talking to my mother-in-law about my age while using the crapper buck naked, you ask? This is an excellent question. One I initially mulled over positing but soon thought the better of it. I had already started off the day on a rotten enough note and —knowing full it could (and probably would) get worse— I saw no need to push the matter.

The way I see it you really can’t do anything about getting older so why bother with it? Besides, I had dinner to prepare. I mention the previous anecdote because when I checked my email this morning I came across an item that made my New Year’s experience seem downright quaint, if a wee bit amusing by comparison. S writes:

yeah, I was at the (excised) St/Manhattan Ave bodega re-upping my 24 oz PBR requirements when I asked the owner if he was staying open later on account of new years eve. He replied that “he’s not a greedy Jew” I told him that it’s not fair to categorize folk and he of course asked if I was Jewish which then led him to change the subject and say “for the 6th time happy new year…

I can think of a number of reasons one could bust S‘s chops over his/her selection of beer: PBR is nasty and over-priced. A six pack of Shaeffer works just as well, is less expensive and doesn’t have all the hipster baggage. But my criticism of S’s taste in beer (to each their own— as long as I don;t have to drink the stuff I don’t care) is not to suggest he/she deserved to be subjected to abuse for asking what was a very legitimate and innocuous question: will you be open late on New Year’s Eve? A simple “yes” or “no” would have sufficed.

I may very well be getting older but for the life of me I still haven’t figured out why people take the time and energy to spout this kind of garbage. We should be using our precious time being nice to one another. Life would be a lot easier for everyone if people would quit fixating on WHAT a person is and pay attention to WHO they are. Seriously.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Sleep Tight!

December 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I can think of no better way to end 2008 than with this festive window display from Manhattan Avenue. On that note today’s offerings on New York Shitty will be lite. In lieu of making Christmas dinner yours truly will be creating a New Year’s feast of gargantuan proportions. Wish me luck!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Peter Pan Bakery

December 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Night Of The Living (Brain) Dead: The Gift

December 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

I used to be a serious gore hound. I attribute this to my mother’s habit of playing racketball when I was a wee little one. When she went to the health club to clobber some balls I was entrusted to the care of the club’s owners. I was given all the Tab I could drink and luxuriated on the shag rug in their office while watching horror movies. LOTS of horror movies.

That said, there is some snuffy stuff I simply cannot bear to watch anymore. Zombie movies mostly. This came to pass after I wrote a college term paper about George Romero’s “Dead” trilogy, primarily Dawn Of The Dead. At 21 (or was it 22?) years of age I finally figured out what the previous movie was really about. I have a healthy appreciation for Mr. Romero’s social commentary but the fact of the matter is it hits too close to home. My home: Greenpoint.

After a wonderful dinner last night with some very charming, intelligent and above all witty cat-loving (T)expats in DUMBO I encountered the above slew of idiots as I exited the Greenpoint Avenue stop of the G. Instead of running away I stood my ground and filmed them. Amusingly enough they didn’t seem to notice me or they (in their infinite naval-gazing, search for Bedford Avenue* or intoxication) didn’t care.

One chap did a bump of coke, another while too blotto to walk— even with a cane— somehow managed to contact someone on his i-Phone and write a memo to himself via the condensation on a parked B61 bus. Afterward most ambled over to McDonalds (one of the few restaurants open late hereabouts— god have mercy on the underpaid souls who had to serve them because they won’t) to get some kibble before going home. Where did these hipster zombies come from you ask? Studio B, in all likelihood.

Those of you who beg to differ with my hipster/zombie analogy please (re)view the Dawn of The Dead Trailer and my YouTube footage and explain the difference via comments. If you choose to take the mundane, yet prevalent Internet stand of “this is the city what do expect” and/or the “you’re just old/ugly/fat/under-fucked” argument I humbly request that you post an additional essay about where you plan to be in ten years including a step-by-step plan as to how you are going to get there.

Miss Heather

*One chick shouted (to no one in particular):

Can we get to Bedford Avenue on the G?

If I was a truly evil human being I would have given her the following advice:

Yes, take the G to Bedford-Nostrand.

But I’m not and I didn’t.

Tacos And More Is Open!

December 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Not only are they open for business, but tomorrow (December 27, 2008) they will be strutting free samples of their stuff! You can get a feel for their offerings here and here (no takeout menus yet— sorry— but be advised they are not very vegetarian friendly— needless to say vegan kibble is completely out of the question). Nonetheless I’d love to hear what you meat (and egg) eaters have to say!

Tacos & More
668 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

(718) 349-2626
FAX: (718) 349-2622

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: $1.00 Cold

December 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Post X-Mas Edition

December 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

December 25 may have come and gone but I couldn’t resist passing along this great photograph taken by Lisacat on Christmas Day. I’m not too certain if this is “street legal” but it is nonetheless Greenpoint at its very finest!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Welcomes Alaskan Sun Tanning!

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

When someone says the “the land of the midnight sun”* a number of things come to mind. And quite frankly none of them are very appealing:

  1. Sarah Palin
  2. Sherry Johnston
  3. Levi Johnston (I have no doubt in due time the apple won’t fall too far from the tree (See Point #2). And of course, there’s this.)
  4. Teenage/unplanned pregnancy**

In regards to point #2, at least she got out on bail in time to meet her grandchild. Some of you may not agree with my politics and that is your prerogative. However, in light of the recent presidential election (and all the hilarity that came with it) would you name your establishment this?

If you’re opening a business at 842 Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn you would!

A tanning parlor. That’s about as useful (and needed) here as a(nother) bank, Thai restaurant, bar or 99 cent store.

Alaskan Sun Tanning
Hours: 10:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m., 7 days a week
842 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 349-5914

I wonder if they’ll be slinging bags of meth with those UV rays? After all the Garden Spot is the birth place of Hot Sausage!

Miss Heather

*This was the subject of lively debate here at Chez Shitty. The Mister said Alaska was called “The Final Frontier” I said I thought it was “The Land of the Midnight Sun”. After some googling we learned that we both were in fact correct. For a chuckle check out the Alaska Governor’s Office’s “Facts and Misconceptions” page. Did you know a deluxe hamburger will only set you back $5.00-$9.95 in Alaska? I didn’t! Oh yeah, and I almost shot claret out of my nose when I saw this. Someone for the love of god PLEASE name a Van Halen cover band after this child!

**Yes, I know this happens. But if you had a teenage daughter who was pregnant would you have subjected her to national scrutiny by accepting a vice presidential nomination? Really? Of everyone in the Palin clan Bristol is the only one I have any sympathy for. I wish her the best of luck (because she’ll need it).

DISCLAIMER: This is satire. I wish our newest business the best of luck (although I find baking one’s body in a toaster oven utterly repulsive). I am not insinuating that Alaskan Sun Tanning is now nor will be a front operation for the sale of methamphetamines. Those of you who have children with Down’s Syndrome please do not get your panties in a wad. Unless of course you named your kid “Van Palin”. In which case you should have known better.

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