New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Legs

Taken March 11, 2014.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Much Ado About AC Units

books

A fellow named Adam writes:

Dear Miss Heather,
This morning, a coworker pointed me to this field guide to AC units on Urban Omnibus. Of course it brought me back to what I remember as your “Articles of Feddersization” piece on New York Shitty some years ago… but I can’t seem to find it. Do I misremember the name? Was it all in my head?

Dying for a link,

Adam

To answer Adam’s question: New York Shitty has a category called “Articles of Fedderization”— but that is not the purpose of this post. Rather, I found the above-mentioned tome a rather fun read. So much so I had to document one of my favorite bits of ingenuity: a window unit head secured in place with a copy Webster’s Dictionary and a tome about cultural literacy! Who says reading is a waste of time?

Great Moments In Abjectecture: Quincy Street

Many of you have noticed I have been pounding the pavement in Bed Stuy a lot lately. There are a number of reasons for this. Among them:

  1. I am trying to assemble a nice selection of photographs for my upcoming show at Creek & Cave.
  2. I simply like Bed Stuy.

If these is one word I would use to describe the topography of the Stuy it would be this: heterogenous. Nowhere else  (in north-ish Brooklyn, anyway) will you see a more diverse selection of architecture. On any given block one will find meticulously restored brownstones, derelict construction sites, foreclosed properties, slick new condos and, of course, Fedders Specials. Which brings me to Quincy Street— and the subject of this post.

To the right we have your standard run-of-the-mill three story rowhouse. These are a dime a dozen. On the left we have a Fedders Special. These too are a dime a dozen. But there is a something more going on here than the usual air conditioning boxes, disproportionate balconies, exposed electrical meters and copious use of cement.

Instead of being embedded in the building proper, the mailboxes have been affixed to the front door. This may seem trivial, but I want you to consider this: what is going to happen if you have someone checking his/her mail and another tenant wants to exit the building? Of course this is not only poor engineering, it is also quite ugly.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photos Du Jour: Separated At Barf?

When I was an undergraduate in art school my teachers frequently pestered me for not signing my work. I didn’t engage in this practice for two reasons:

  1. Over the years it had come to my attention that the size/elaborateness of the signature on a piece of art work was inversely related to the quality of said work.
  2. I had the presence of mind to know that 10-15 years down the line I would be appalled by my student work and destroy it. (And that is exactly what came to pass.)

Which brings me to this.

Driggs Avenue & North 9 Street

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Kingsland & Skillman Avenue

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Skillman2

I’m not in a particular chatty mood today but I couldn’t resist passing along these baby shit-hued beauties from the ‘burg. I fear this trend of going green (albeit via stucco) might be gaining momentum. Inasmuch as it pains me to write this the latter may very well be the least unattractive addition to what may very be one of the ugliest blocks in Williamsburg. Meet 253 Skillman Avenue’s neighbor.

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Who wouldn’t want a balcony with scenic views of this?

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday: Casa D’Agosto

April 17, 2009 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Fedders Friday, Williamsburg 

It’s been awhile since I have indulged my fascination with the architectural marvel that is Fedderstecture. The reasons for this are numerous, but basically boil down to things:

  1. The weather: it’s frequently been too cold/damp to search for these beauties.
  2. The transition from housing boom to bust has rendered new specimens pretty scarce.

Luckily I discovered on Powers Street that not every aspiring Fedderista has had his (or her) activities curtailed by lack of funding.

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Presenting Casa D’ Agosto!

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It is not only richly appointed with Fedders boxes, but also sports this solitary (if slightly crooked) exposed gutter. Any more would be ostentatious in these lean times.

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Besides, they needed to save money for those little refinements. Like concrete…

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and this rather formidable looking garage door. We are in a recession after all!

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Aluminum Siding XIX: Troutman Street Fugfest

April 14, 2009 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Articles of Fedderization, Vinyl Siding 

Living in Greenpoint has to some extent immunized me to aluminum siding. I can walk down block (and block) chock a block of the stuff and it no longer fazes me. I have long harbored the fear that I had become a siding Queen. Then I gazed upon 247 Troutman Street. To quote Madonna:

unglyontroutman

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn’t know how lost I was
Until I found you

Infatuated with the sheer fugliness of this structure I went in for a closer look.

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There’s a whole lot of fug happening here.

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Across the street.

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Down the block.

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I made Mister Heather look at this one immediately upon arriving home from work. After sputtering a few incomprehensible syllables about its utter hideousness he headed straight for the liquor cabinet.

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I don’t blame him. I had to toss down a couple glasses of wine (at home) before digesting this beauty.

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Too bad this wine bar at Wilson Avenue and Starr Street wasn’t open. Was the baby shit colored siding to blame or just the sour economy? I suspect we’ll never know.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This beauty can also be found on Troutman Street. What it lacks in siding it makes up for in sheer stupid.

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Spring Has Sprung In North Brooklyn!

Yes folks, you can literally smell it in the air: springtime has finally come to north Brooklyn.

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The winteriana has been packed away and replaced with more springtimey fare— such as this deliciously terrifying rabbit from India Street. And not unlike the mighty Monarch butterfly, a number of construction projects have emerged from their respective chrysalises to display their new found glory for all to enjoy.

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This humdrum specimen hails from 916 Manhattan Avenue. As you can see it sports some seriously fierce asphalt siding.  No more.  After a couple of modification permits (and a little Greenpoint magic) it has been…

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FEDDERIZED!

Of course what would any discourse about abjectecture be without a mention of my good friend Karl Fischer?

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Holy 311 calls! It would appear the scaffolding has begun to come down at 200 Franklin Street…

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and what a magnificent sight it is!

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A number of images come to mind when people use words like “craftsmanship” “luxury” or “quality”. This is not one of them.

And last, but hardly least, what would a revue of north Brooklyn abjectecture be without a Belvedere? Good news kids: thanks to the wizards at Belvedere/Bridge Realty North 9 Street Williamsburg can now claim one of their very own!

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Or should I make that XXVI?*

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Congratulations northside Williamsburg you’ve just joined the club!

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Too bad this sign doesn’t apply to architecture.

Miss Heather

*Not to let them have a monopoly on all the fun. Behold: Belvedere X of Eckford Street!

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Nice balconies.




Fedders Friday Long Island City Style: The People Have Spoken!

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On Tuesday, March 3, 2009 I wrote:

No matter how hard I try my wit, gift for gab, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is not doing this stellar example of Fedderism justice. To this end I need your help. Although I realize this has been done before I am proposing the following: you, dear readers, tender LOL speak captions for this masterpiece. These can be left in the comments below or sent via email at: missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.

If I like what I see I’ll publish the pick of the litter right here on New York Shitty later this week.

Well, things got a little chaotic for me that week so this had to be tabled. But this is not to suggest I didn’t have 49-16 11 Street on my mind. I most certainly did. Among other things I wondered to myself:

Is this building as craptastic in day light as it is at night.

I did a little field research and found the answer.

aviewtoafug

Abso-FUCKING-lutely YES.

Now, without further ado I offer for your Friday morning entertainment piquant observations about this stellar structure from you, the readers.* Enjoy!

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AMOJA wrote:

…I think I may start calling this building the Triple Nipple. Those studs are…well…they’re there.

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Jason in Kew Gardens raves:

This is the most effort I’ve ever seen put into a Friedrich box.

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anonymous opines:

Nah…that’s a cesspool on the roof.

The builder is just too cheap to pay for a hook up to NYC’s sewer system!

Okay, so we have heard about the builder. What about the architect? Another anonymous offers up his theory as to who is responsible for this turd:

shaft2

Design by Helen Keller.

And last, but hardly least I want to give special props to lylet (who actually followed my directions for this project). He mused:

I drive over the Pulaski every day – and this building has been testing my gag reflex for months now. While many don’t like the new building across the bridge, at least is qualifies as some sort of ‘architecture’ (and I actually happen to like it). This, however, looks like a Belvedere made babies with a Fedders Special – and out came this cheapo be-nippled eyesore. And did they build the elevator shaft for a few extra floors that never materialized?…

11streetdaylitelol

Indeed.

Miss Heather

*And a whole lotta help from Queens Crap!

Reader Participation Time: Snarkitecture

March 3, 2009 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Long Island City, Queens 

The Mister and I do not make it to Long Island City as much as we used to. There are a number of reasons for this. Among them:

  1. The weather. It’s been too cold to venture out.
  2. We have taken to going to Sunnyside and Jackson Heights instead. This is because…
  3. quite frankly we find Long Island City kind of depressing.

Ever since they demolished that beautiful old building at 10-62 Jackson Avenue and replaced it with a shiv-like structure we cannot cross the Pulaski Bridge without wincing. Luckily we had a craving for Italian food this weekend and decided to go to Manettas. As we made our way down the bridge we were presented with a most unexpected treat: 49-16 11 Street.

11street1

This stunning example of Strip Mall Italian (replete with a Donald Judd-esque elevator shaft) sent us into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

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Where do you start with this? Hell, where do you finish for that matter?

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For starters you have the lovely Juliet style balconies overlooking the on ramp of the Pulaski Bridge.

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Just a beer bottle’s throw away from traffic (and perhaps the odd pedestrian or bicyclist).

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Some attempt at symmetry has been made… but not quite enough. I christen this daring new style Art Sucko.

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But no expense has been spared on Friedrichs boxes. This is a good thing. When the dull roar of truck traffic (at all hours) gets to be too much for our intrepid 49-16ers they can crank up the air conditioner to drown out the din.

11street7

The last time I saw something with this many studs on it was in the West Village. (WARNING: previous link is NSFW.)

No matter how hard I try my wit, gift for gab, whatever-you-want-to-call-it is not doing this stellar example of Fedderism justice. To this end I need your help. Although I realize this has been done before I am proposing the following: you, dear readers, tender LOL speak captions for this masterpiece. These can be left in the comments below or sent via email at: missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com.

If I like what I see I’ll publish the pick of the litter right here on New York Shitty later this week.

Your immediate attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Happy snarking!

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo Du Jour: Inauguration Day Special

January 20, 2009 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bushwick, Fedders Friday 

obamafeddersnys

From Starr Street.

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can see the lovely building this sign graces by clicking here.