Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Calyer Street

Today yours truly opted to enjoy a little sunshine and take a stroll along Manhattan Avenue. In so doing I held a great number of interesting things. Among them:

  1. a few individuals who could best be described as extras attending a casting call for the Zoolander sequel. Mind you, it was not their presence which drew my attention. I am not so naive as to think I do not have such folks as my neighbors in this, the “new” Greenpoint. I know. They do not bother me. The more and different the merrier! Rather, it was the fact they were out and about (READ: out of bed) at 1:00 p.m.
  2. a tableau which defied easy taxonomical categorization. On Calyer Street I beheld a tetrad of things which I hold near and dear. These being:
  • An urban artifact along with…
  • a melange of merde
  • in a public pay phone which, in addition to the previous, proffered
  • pro-bono services of a highly specialized nature.

For the above-listed reasons I decided to classify this post as Greenpoint Photos Du Jour. Now that we have gotten that out of the way…

Pick a winner nys

 

let’s take the above morsels of Greenpoint glory in numeric order, shall we?

1. 

Organic girl spring mix

 

One container of Organic Girl Spring Mix…

Baby Greens with vodka vinagrette nys

with vodka vinaigrette.

2.

al fresco crapper

The aftermath of severe gastric distress. (Perhaps due to the consumption of item #1?).

3.

Reach out and touch someone

 

Not one, not two, but three solicitations for not simply free sex but free Garden State sex! As you can see, gentle readers, I have blurred out the telephone number. I did so because I suspect its owner has been— how shall we say— “volunteered” for this endeavor. In closing, it should be noted I did research the telephone number in question. I regret to inform everyone it does not hail from Secaucus. But hey, when it’s free sex in the offing one cannot/should not be too choosy. Thank you, the public pay phone kiosks of Calyer for keeping things real— or at least really interesting— hereabouts.

Happy Sunday, Garden Spotters!

New York Shitty Photos Du Jour: Special “Stick or Carrot” Edition

Mosco Street, 10013

Mosco Street 600

Courtlandt Alley, 10013

WARNING 600

Touche 600

Same zip code, (more or less) same premise: no dumping. As you can see, gentle readers, asking nicely seems to work better than signage and surveillance.  On an eerily related note I am proud to share my two most recently completed snow globes. Meet “Detente” versions two and three!

detenteshisandhers

In progress. Surveillance cameras + exhibitionists = a match made in heaven.  The yellow sign reads “SMILE, You’re looking great!”

dentente2600

detente3600

Given what I saw— and smelled*— on Courtlandt Alley today:

  1. Credence is given to the argument that surveillance cameras do not make people more safe. They are not a deterrent against crime and/or other activities generally frowned upon by “polite society”. All they do is record it. They’re only as good as the person watching them. I can only imagine what the person “manning” the CCTV on Courtlandt saw.
  2. Methinks “Detente” version six needs to happen. (Yes, I already have two more versions on “the list”.)

Anyone interested in acquiring any of these objets de arte (once again) can/should shoot me an email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. Be sure to note which one piques your interest. Happy Friday!

*Crowd-sourced “cologne”.

New York Shitty Street Art Du Jour: The Word On The Street

I am taking the glass half-full approach to this one: at least they have managed to place a fence around these premises. This is a very welcome development compared to what I saw back in January. Well done, Mr. Richard!

Closing on the subject (of Paul Richard), as luck (?) would have it I stumbled upon another piece of his handiwork on the Northside. It had been, how shall we say, “modified”. Whether or not this was done willfully and deliberately has been the subject of debate at Chez Shitty this evening. I contend it was not. The Mister contends that while the person responsible (and I can assure you this was the handiwork of a human being) may not have “planned” to do this, he/she did take placement under consideration. He opined— and I quote:

This was a crime of opportunity.

WARNING/CAVEAT:

  1. This is not for those with weak stomachs.
  2. Once you this is seen, it cannot be unseen.

Without further ado, here it is…

Those of you who wish to see this in person go to North 11th Street. It is on the sidewalk across the street from “The Whiskey” (on the premises of the Brooklyn Brewery, if my memory serves me correctly). I suppose it goes without saying: watch where you walk!

Dung Of The Day: Special 34th City Council District Edition

August 29, 2013 ·
Filed under: 11206, 11237, Bushwick, Bushwick Brooklyn, Dung of the Day, Other Shit, Wow 

(Or: God Bless the Internet)

That’s right folks, you read the title of this post correctly: “Dung of the Day”. Those of you who have followed New York Shitty for some time are undoubtedly aware that the initial premise of this site was documenting the rather pervasive problem with poop in my community. Over the years I have gone in a different direction. There are two reasons for this:

  1. As I became more attuned to the issues facing Greenpoint (and north Brooklyn, for that matter) and noticed they were not getting attention via the “mainstream media” I decided that this blog would be an excellent means raising awareness about them.
  2. I have seen so much magnificent merde— be it human, canine or otherwise— that quite frankly I have become acclimatized to it. I have become a shit snob.

Well, today while walking around Bushwick that changed.

To preface: today I met up with a buddy of mine who resides in the 34th City Council District. This person has been generous enough to save and share the manifold number of Vito Lopez campaign material which has found its way to his/her mailbox. This, of course, includes the infamous example of Team Gropez’s rather interesting use of Photoshop. The “plan” was to take a tour of the 34th and its Industrial Business Zone. Yours truly played “tour guide”. Granted, I do not actually reside in the 34th— but neither does Mr. Lopez for that matter and I digress.

One part of our peregrinations was Melrose Street. There we saw an affordable housing project being built at the behest of the Ridgewood Bushwick Senior Citizens Council. Just a Snapple bottle’s toss away we found something so extraordinary it merited a mention on this blog. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

MelroseStreet

 

This is one of two homeless encampments to be found on said street. As you can see, something has gone very wrong.

30inchesofshit

 

Unfortunately, I did not have the presence of mind to tote along a tape measure. Thus, I had to repurpose a locally-sourced, gently used bottle of Snapple so as to establish a sense of scale. Regardless, this is rather impressive once one gets past the revulsion/”upchuck” factor. I can assure you, gentle readers, I came to the estimate of 30″ in a very deliberate— if not exactly scientific— fashion. More specifically: when I arrived back at Chez Shitty I ran a Google search for “How tall is a bottle of Snapple?” The following speaks for itself.

YahooAnswers

 

But let’s get back to the conclusion on this tale of turdage. My travelling companion and I continued our walk down Melrose. As we did we noticed a number of Maritza Davila posters. That’s when my friend noted:

Too bad you didn’t take that Lopez mailer with you.

My reply was as follows:

Oh, but I did!

gropezwithexplosiveshit

“Ouch” indeed…

New York Shitty Pay Phones Du Jour: Orchard Street Selections

orchard1

detail

orchard2

asswipe

awholelottapoop

 

Taken May 2, 2013.

The Word On The Street, Part III: NYS

NYS

From Knickerbocker Avenue.

The Word On The Street: Oh Sh*t!

ohshit

manties

As spotted today on North 8th Street. Note the men’s dress shirt which has been repurposed as toilet paper. Yes sir: north Brooklyn is looking more and more like the East Village/Lower East Side every day!

New York Shitty Pay Phone Du Jour: 10 Days Later

splat

Some of you might recall that yours truly documented a rather magnificent (if utterly revolting) public pay phone on the Bowery recently. Today, since I happened to be in Manhattan I decided to swing back by and see how things were shaping up.

New York Shitty Analysis

  • Glass Half Empty: It would appear the poo is still there— or an additional “patron” has paid this impromptu privy a “visit”.
  • Glass Half Full: Some attempt at cleaning has been made. In addition, the bottle of Activia would suggest that, perchance, this poopatrator is working on his (her?) irregularity issues— albeit with New Amsterdam peach-flavored Vodka as a chaser.
  • What I want to know: What would Jamie Lee Curtis do? This is one hell of a product endorsement opportunity if you ask me.

Any merry hooligans out there care to testify on this public pay phone’s behalf? Sadly (and ironically), it cannot speak for itself.

New York Shitty Pay Phone Du Jour: Shock & Awe(some)

February 19, 2013 ·
Filed under: 10012, Bum Shit, Chinatown, Chinatown Manhattan, Dung of the Day, Urban Artifact, Wow, WTF 

Last weekend I went for a walk with my buddy Larry around points north Brooklyn and beyond. We stumbled upon a number of fascinating things during our peregrinations including a bona fide monologue machine. A discussion followed wherein Larry mused:

I wonder if anyone actually uses pay phones?

Today on the Bowery I learned the answer.

shitphone

Yes! Those of you who lament that New York City ain’t what it used to be (it isn’t), I present for your viewing pleasure the above repurposed phone kiosk. For what it is worth, it smelled a lot worse than it looks.

fiveinches

Damn.

The Word On The Street, Part II: A South 6 Street PSA

south6street

Taken January 30, 2013.