Astoria Has Eyes

I once lived in Astoria, Queens. What’s more I liked it. The year was 1998 and the rent for my illegal basement apartment was $550 a month. All bills and endless offers of lamb stew and powerful coffee from my sweet Greek-speaking landlady included. Too bad I was (and still am) a vegetarian who eschewed caffeine.

In any case, my memories of this ‘nabe are warm and fuzzy ones. This is why I find the following dog shit signs (from Joey of Astoria) all the more disquieting.

Repent, sinner! REPENT!

Um, that’s sort of scary. Where’s Bucketman when you need him?

Miss Heather

P.S.: I’d like to give a big shout-out of thanks to Meg over at Joey in Astoria for bringing these wonderful signs to my attention. Thanks!

No Child Left Behind

Today I had the pleasure of finding a brand new piece of dog shit signage in my inbox! This soon-to-be-loved masterpiece comes courtesy BARC‘s very own Lisa Vallez, a fellow Greenpointer. She writes:

I found one for you and actually had my camera on me! This is the work of a woman known on the block as “Cursing Mary”. She is a true Greenpoint character who loves animals, hates people who don’t pick up. She lives in the hold-out house you posted a photo of awhile back. I can’t find it but it was captioned something like the “meat” between the 2 slices of ugly new development on my block of Monitor Street. Enjoy!

Hmm… Let’s go in for a closer look, shall we?

For god’s sake, won’t you folks pigs PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who haven’t beheld this piece of cinema verite already, please click this link and watch some dude piss on T&N Liquors as no one seems to notice. It is Greenpoint glory at its very finest.

Bushwick Dog Doo Sign Gentrifies!

This is a dog shit sign from 165 Montrose Avenue I featured back in March. When I walked by this spot yesterday I discovered a new and improved sign had taken its place.

I guess the hipster influx and blue-chip condominium dwellers who have moved here demand the Super be more vigilant about keeping up appearances. I for one liked the older sign better. This one’s kind of dull and institutional-looking. Not unlike most of the “luxury” properties being built around it.

That’s progress for you.

Miss Heather

Park Slope Spells It Out For You: What Not To Do This Summer

Today’s example of Park Slope dog shit signage comes courtesy of a coworker of my husband’s, Chris. He writes:

…from our walk to work, between 4th & 5th (Avenue), one block south
of President (Street)…

This isn’t a dog shit sign, it’s fucking instruction manual. Then again, we are talking about the neighborhood that recently brought us a bat-shit crazy bride with an architecture fetish and a vehicular collision with a grocery store, so I guess it makes sense.

please 🙂

Miss Heather

Look Here: Fort Greene Doesn’t Take Any (Dog) Shit!

Today I was emailed an example of dog shit signage from Clifton Place that gave me goosebumps. We’re talking about the kind of excitement you feel when you’re in the sixth grade and the cute boy in the class smiles at you (instead of trying to beat you up, which was my experience). Without further ado, here it is.

This guy (or gal) is going to kick both the dog and the owner in the “F?”X” Ass!!!” That’s hardcore. Mike didn’t do that to me on the playground. He was content with humiliating me in front of about thirty or forty of my peers; for reasons only known to him, he kept my dog out of it.

Wimp.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Thanks “Mihow” for forwarding this to me. It made my day.

Separated at Birth?

Today I am going to share with you two dog shit signs that have recently been brought to my attention.

Per Ari’s Blog (where I found the wonderful image to the left), this sign reads:

Be a mensch (human being) and clean up after him.

The sign on the right (courtesy of Eva101) is pretty self explanatory. Those of you who wish to behold this pup poopin’ in the posies in person can do so at the New York Public Library on 42nd Street.

Eva101 opined about her find:

One would think that a written sign (CLEAN AFTER YOUR DOG) would do in front of the New York Public Library, since the very existence of the Library assumes that there is a reading public out there…. perhaps the sign’s intended audience is – DOGS!? Or they really mean no shitting on the lawn (whereas the other sign means that it is technically okay to shit IF one cleans up afterward)… beats me….

To wit mlyn_blanche replies:

believe me as someone who works in a library, most of the people who come through the doors need this level of instruction. People seem to think that since the library is a public building, it’s ok to not pick up after their dog…

So there have you. While dog owners in Jerusalem are admonished in Hebrew, the New York Public Library sees fit to go with a more graphic means of getting the point across (presumably because their patrons can’t or WON’T read.). God help us all.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I would like to give special thanks to Xris over at Flatbush Gardener for tipping me off to the Jerusalem dog doo sign. It really brightened up my day.

ALSO— for those of you who might be interested, Xris will be co-hosting a blogger meet-up in Flatbush, Brooklyn this upcoming weekend.