New York Shitty Day Ender: All Apologies



From 239 Banker Street.*

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who are wondering about 718-STANDUP’s provenance you can see it here. I suppose Max was a supporter of Isaac Abraham for the 33rd City Council District.

*Formerly known as the Sweater Factory Lofts.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Gate On Java Street?


Mike (who sent me the above photograph) writes:

I was walking down by West and Java today and noticed someone is putting up a metal gate leading down to the water. Is this the same spot where the city tore down the gate (to ensure our access to the “water front”) over the summer if I’m not mistaken?

Intrigued, I moseyed down to Java Street this afternoon to see what’s up. Contrary to what Mike thought, this fence (which as some of you may recall, was issued an order by the Department of Transportation to be removed because it ostensibly blocked waterfront access. I think this is a bit of an exaggeration, but illegal is illegal…) was not going up: it was coming down.


To close on West Street related news I am pleased to announce the crumbling construction fences I wrote about in this post have been repaired.


It should also be noted the owner of the above property (174 West Street, which is located between Green and Huron Street) has been issued a summons for (and I quote) “failure to maintain adequate housekeeping”. How do I know this, you ask? Let’s just say the word is on the street.



I’ll leave it to your respective powers of deduction, dear readers, to figure out what the brown smudge is on this document.

Miss Heather

A New York Shitty Love Connection

CORNrowanTHUMBSome of you might have gathered from the preponderance of non-Greenpoint content of late that I have been lurking our fair city. This is because my inlaws are in town and they want to see the sights, sounds, and yes, SMELLS of the Big Apple during their brief stay.* Fortunately I have my good friend Rowan and Crappy to keep me in an “outer borough” state of mind.

It all started with a corn stalk (which can be seen at left). My inlaws happen to reside in Iowa. Corn is very common there. Corn is not, however, very common in Greenpoint (which is where this stalk was found). More specifically it was found on Bushwick Inlet between North 14 Street and North 15 Street: an ill-kept, trash ridden sidewalk which sits atop brownfield.

I found this fascinating. Enough so to write a post about it. A week later I walked by only to discover that someone had killed the corn— and the cobs were nowhere to be found.

Rowan (who provided the above photograph) wrote on September 28, 2009:

Saturday evening, around 6:30pm, I decided to check the corn plant. It’s broken in two. Photos to come, but I’m a bit sad that someone destroyed it. Also the Marlboro packet was still there.

To wit I replied:

I noticed that today. Even more frightening is the corn appears to have been taken. Presumably someone ate it. YIKES!

This morning I had the pleasure of moderating Rowan’s rebuttal:

Someone’s going to have very toxic corn poops.

Shortly thereafter I received an ominous email from Queens Crap. It read as follows:

Do you, in your vast annals of dog shit photos, happen to have one that’s laden with corn? If not, you will when I get home from work tonight.

I replied that I did not have such a find in my “vast annals”. Follows is Crappy’s reply:

You won’t be disappointed.

I wasn’t.


This delightful artifact was found at the intersection of DeKalb and Cypress Avenue in Ridgewood. It is proof positive that my buddy across the creek knows blue chip crap when he finds it.


Miss Heather

*And they most, assuredly have. They walked by the Newtown Creek Waste Treatment Plant on Thursday afternoon and partook of a particularly fragrant subway ride today.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Special Earth Day Edition

April 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 


On April 16, 2009 Kat wrote:

Dear Heather,

I’m a fellow Greenpointer who has been reading your blog ever since Gawker linked to it back in 2006-ish. I always wished I could send you a tip, but I didn’t have any good ones — until yesterday morning, when I saw that the students of PS 110 had launched their very own environmental awareness campaign in McGolrick Park.

It is… interesting.

I took a couple pictures and wrote about it here, if you are interested in either reading it or sharing it with your devoted audience.

Warmest regards from the GPT…

Naturally I pointed and clicked my way over to Pink India Ink. I would recommend you do the same. For those of you who are disinclined to do so the crux of my colleague’s editorial was as follows:

  1. The placement of this sign is not conducive to getting the word out.
  2. In the battle between dog piss and the trees of McGolrick Park the trees do appear to be winning.
  3. There are other, better ways to get children engaged in the environment.

Today I decided to swing by McGolrick to see this sign and the tree it graces for myself.


In my guesstimation this missive is located approximately six or seven feet from the ground— well out of eye shot of even the most statuesque dog owner. And any breed of dog— no matter how large— that comes to mind. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter as I have yet to encounter a canine however bright, that can read. Or can they?


The sign appears to have received a little “water damage”. Was it at the behest of an April shower or a golden shower from a particularly well-endowed pup? Only the tree knows for certain and it does not appear to be talking. If it could, however, I suspect it would say that it doesn’t care much for having four thumb tacks stuck into its body. But this is only an educated guess.

Regardless, it did get me to thinking about how bad dog urine is for our leafy friends so I did a little Googling. Here’s what The Straight Dope has to say about the subject:

…It’s hard to believe you’ve gotten through life without noticing that dog urine can cause grass, shrubs, and other plant life to turn brown and wither. This charming phenomenon is called “urine burn.” It’s caused by the ammonia and urea contained in doggie water (and, for that matter, in the urine of all mammals). Urea and ammonia are both good sources of nitrogen, an important fertilizer. But they’re simple compounds and they break down so quickly that the lawn, hedge, or whatever basically ODs on the stuff. Similarly, if you use too much inorganic nitrogen fertilizer, you’ll get “fertilizer burn.” The urine also makes the soil too acidic. The only cure is to dig up the ruined patch and reseed.

Well, you say, will just one dose wreck the local flora? It depends. One dose is certainly enough to do strange things to the grass. On a lawn where dogs have had free run you’ll see numerous funny-looking tufts where the grass is much taller and greener than elsewhere, having been fertilized by a passing canine. No big deal, you say–mowing the lawn will level things out. Here and there, however, the tufts may consist of a brown patch with lush growth around the fringes. The lush part got the optimum dose of fertilizer while the brown part got too much of a good thing. Mowing is not going to help this problem; time to get out the spade.

Chances are the tufts are the work of female dogs, which like to do their thing out in the open. Male dogs, by contrast, prefer some vertical landmark, such as a tree or shrub. These are generally hardier than grass, and one jolt won’t kill them. But you seldom get just one jolt. Male dogs use urine to mark their territories, and they like to return to the same spot again and again. In addition, when other dogs smell a freshly irrigated canine boundary marker, they often feel compelled to make a contribution of their own…

Ok. So we have established dog urine is in fact very bad for our leafy friends. But as Cecil Adams also points out trees are a lot hardier than grass. It takes more than the occasional gold shower to kill them. And taking into account that I have yet to see 101 Dalmations employ McGolrick Park as their pissoir of choice I have to confess: while hardly indifferent, I am not terribly concerned.


But it does make me wonder about numerous bipeds I have seen who have pressed this public space into service as an al fresco commode/vomitorium. Hows does human waste affect plant life, you ask? I did a little research. What I found was surprising. Per an article from EZine @rticles entitled “Using Human Urine As Liquid Fertilizer”:

OK, so are you over the shock now??? In the not so distant past, we didn’t have the luxury of having a small room in the house where we could flush away our number ones and twos. But did you ever wonder how we managed before the water closet? Not that I want to get into the history of it, but let’s just say that before the times of our current throw-away society, people thought of multiple uses for just about everything.

Well maybe you didn’t know that human urine is the fastest acting, most excellent source of Nitrogen, Phosphorous, Potassium and some trace elements. Not only that, but we all have a constant, year round supply of it and it’s free! There’s not a lot of effort involved in creating this wonderful organic liquid fertilizer.

Some men I know are more than happy to oblige a tree, bush or lawn (out of view, of course)…

What are the advantages of using urine as an organic liquid fertilizer?

  • If you’re not flushing this valuable liquid down the loo, you are reducing your water consumption – good for the environment and your pocket
  • You’ll be reducing the amount of sewerage runoff
  • There’ll be less nutrients in our waterways
  • Urine as a liquid fertilizer is available in an ideal chemical form for plants to use
  • Gardening costs are less as your liquid fertilizer is free
  • It is readily available all year round and there are no transportation costs

Just so that you know, fresh human urine is sterile (unless there is a urinary tract infection: this urine should not be used) and so free from bacteria.

I recommend that you dilute urine to 10-15 parts water to 1 part urine for application on plants in the growth stage. Dilute to 30-50 parts water to 1 part urine for use on pot plants as they are much more sensitive to fertilizers of any kind.

Trees, shrubs and lawn should cope well without dilution. Withhold the use of urine liquid fertilizer on all food plants at least two weeks before harvesting. Apply under fruiting plants, not directly on foliage.

Don’t use urine older than 24 hours (t…t…t…TWENTY FOUR HOURS?!? — Ed. Note) on your plants as the urea turns into ammonia and will burn your plants. If it’s not fresh (*shudder* — Ed. Note), add it to your compost heap. Adding undiluted human urine to your compost heap will help heat it up quickly as it is an excellent activator and will add to the final nutrient value.

As far as antibiotics, vitamin supplements and other medications go, yes they will end up in your urine, but in such minute quantities that I believe to be negligible especially when it is diluted.

So put this excellent source of free liquid fertilizer to good use in your garden, rather than add to the burden that we as humans cause to our environment.

So there have you. It just goes to show you learn something new every day.


Before reading the aforementioned article I thought the above chap was merely a drunk dude taking a piss in a plant bed on McGuinness Boulevard. Now I know better: this man is, in fact, an eco-warrior. What’s more, knowing all too well the commonly-held affection for public urination here in the 11222, Greenpoint could arguably be the “greenest” neighborhood in all Brooklyn! Who knew? In any case I suspect I speak for many when I say that I can only hope P.S. 110 will incorporate my new discovery into their curriculum.

Happy Earth Day Weekend!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox

April 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 

franklinstthumb On April 9, 2009 at 5:37 p.m. Lisa wrote:

walking down franklin earlier and witnessed an old man – stopping traffic – to complain to the cops about “the most revolting thing he had ever seen. outside dandelion wine.” of course hearing this just made me turn back for my phone. either my camera phone isn’t that great, or i’m a lousy camera-phone-photographer, because this pic (as seen at left— ed. note) does not in any way do this massive mound justice. i encourage you to walk by yourself (it’s not right outside dandelion, closer to java.)

I had a little time on my hands so I decided to swing by. It was not at all difficult to find.


Here’s another shot that better establishes a sense of scale.


Methinks this bad boy gets five stars— or would that be bars?

Miss Heather

A Trip Down Dog Shit Row

April 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Other Shit 


A recurring theme brought up at Bob’s memorial last week was how the Internet can bring like-minded people together. This was certainly the case after the service: at long last I finally had the opportunity to meet the brains behind some of my favorite blogs*. We were present that Saturday afternoon for one reason: to celebrate Bob’s life and work as yes, grieve.

Thankfully not all web comradeship is so serious in nature. Take my friend Yotidadnmom, for example. He first entered my life via an email entitled how’s this for shitty, took it with my cell phone, sorry for the poor quality. Attached was one of the most revolting and substantial bowel movements I have ever seen (Caution: click the previous link at your own risk). After regaining my composure (and lunch) I replied as follows:

Looks like someone needs to eat more fiber. Where, may I ask, did you find this?

To wit he replied:

I’m a construction worker who does station rehabs for the MTA i find shit on walls columns, tunnels etc etc .. i’ll send u pics of shit as i find em…

Impressed and intrigued I wrote back:

Man, I bet you see all sorts of crazy shit. Thanks!

u have no idea .. big shit , small shit , smelly shit , rat shit, people shit , soft shit ,hard shit ….god i work in a world of shit

he replied. The previous dialog came to pass in May of 2008 and ever since I will occasionally find some new piece of “treasure” my intrepid turd enthusiast has found for my edification waiting for me in my inbox. Usually first thing in the morning over my first cup of coffee.

This week, mercifully enough, my Internet friend did not send me a jpg. Rather, he sent me a solitary link in an email entitled Thought of You. Curious to see what my brother in bowel movements had discovered, I pointed and clicked my way over to Brooklynian. Here is what I found:


Now I have seen a lot of shitty sidewalks in my day. For this reason I have a certain amount of cynicism when someone calls this (or her) block in this case St. Mark’s Avenue between Grand and Classon Avenue, “Dog Shit Row”. Wishing to see how shitty this street really was I dusted off my Metrocard and checked it out for myself. Follows is what I found. Enjoy!

Is this the shittiest block I have ever seen? Not by a long shot. Nonetheless I’d be very mindful of where I step if I were you!

Miss Heather

*Like Best View In Brooklyn, for example. And while I am on the subejct I’d like to thank Nicole Davis of Brooklyn Based for the amazing work she did on this event— she was sort of overlooked at the service. Great job!

Southside Photos Du Jour: Poo Poo Platter

March 30, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Williamsburg 


Just in time for April Fool’s Day Spacecraft present their “make it yourself” Poo Poo Platter.


As you can see some of it is rather convincing (note the presence of corn in the turd at far right. NICE.)— but there’s still no substitute for the real thing.


I’m sorry I missed out on this moving sale. Furniture, books, CDs, DVDs, Vintage duds, cool stuff and an enormous pile of shit?!? These people have everything!

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Only In Park Slope

March 27, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Dog Shit 

I have been writing New York Shitty for almost three years now. In that time I have seen a sizable increase in emails “pitching” one product or another. I usually ignore them— but today I am going to make an exception. Read on and you’ll understand why. Tyler writes:

iconLocal Park Slope dog owner here with some shit news.  I wrote an iphone application for dog owners and dog walkers which is available at the iTunes store this week, it’s all about pee and poo.  Trying to get the word out about the application, DogiDuty lets you or your dog walker send reports after each walk to let you know if Fido went pee or poo, was given food or water, and other notes.  I designed this app to help me an my wife better manage our schedule between errands, late nights at the office, and after work activities.  Our dog walkers use it and so do we.

Check it out at the app store or follow this link.  I can send you guys a promo code to download a free copy of the app if you are interested.

I checked out their web site* and this appears be for real. Although I do not have a dog I am very tempted to take this person up on his offer as I can think of some very fun alternative uses for this product. My grandmother (whose fixation with “regularity” was the stuff of legend) would have loved this product; instead of simply asking me if I did a bowel movement I every time I exited the bathroom I could send her a full report replete with color commentary and perhaps a picture or two?!? God I love technology!


Miss Heather

*Do check this out. It has mock-ups of the user interface which features and poop and pee “checklist”. Priceless.

Image Credit: Dogiduty

A Supremely Shitty Public Service Announcement

March 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic 

All you irresponsible dog owners listen up:


If you’re looking for a place to deposit your doggie dumplings head on down to 45 India Street.


You will find yourself in good company.


So much for the city increasing fines in the hopes it would motive people to pick up their dog crap.  NASTY.

Miss Heather

Dung Of The Day: The Broken Windows Theory

March 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic 

305thumbnailYesterday I wrote about the urban rusticism/added value the Loft 305’s neighbors have seen fit to give their rather intimidating and big friend. Today I had the pleasure of walking by this edifice I call “Fort Apache the ‘Point” again today. I noted a couple gawking at the hanging wires and graffiti gracing the property.

I saw the previous after I discovering this smashed out window (as seen to the right) which can be found at ground level. Don’t believe me? Click here and see for yourself. Not only did the wizards behind this project see fit to place windows within easy peeping, pissing and vomiting distance (and for the record I have seen the latter two in abundance on this strip of road along with blood) but they saw fit to enable their tenants open them. My theory is they wanted their clients to get some fresh air. This is a sterling idea in principle but when one factors in realty it doesn’t work very well. The perfume of taxi garage across the street, waste treatment plant one block away and the automotive exhaust (only the boulevard called McGuinness can provide) will be the only air these people will breathe. With neighbors like this why quit smoking? Hell, I’d even advocate taking up the habit just to cover up the stench. One month’s free rent and no broker fee will give you plenty of money to buy ciggies for just this purpose. Marketing genius! But I digress.

Back to the purpose of this post: today’s dung of the day.


A shitpop lollipoop* as found on the Huron Street side of the Lofts 305. Yum.

Miss Heather

*Thanks Copyranter!

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