Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
What Is Missing From This Picture?
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
Yesterday was a beautiful day. So much so I shook off my autumn doldrums and went for a walk. I am very, very happy I did. Read on and find out why.
When I reached 607 Manhattan Avenue I stopped. “Something is missing, but I just can’t put my finger on it.” I mused to myself.
Oh, that’s what it is. That hideous sign I have been ranting about for months has been removed! Wondering if the Department of Buildings had a hand in this most auspicious (and long awaited) event, I hightailed it home and checked out their web site.
THEY DID!!!
I would like to take a moment to thank the folks at the Department of Buildings for ordering the removal this of this hideous (and potentially dangerous) eyesore from my community. I’ve given your agency a real drubbing of late, but I believe in giving props for a job well done. Now, if S.P.I.T. would work its regulatory magic on 72 Norman Avenue, we’ll be all aces.
Miss Heather
Monday is Bone Day!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Any Greenpointers out there who loves them some bones, listen up.
Mondays are Bone Days at the Polski Meat Market. Those of you who are currently craving a bone (or two) should drop what you’re doing, head on down to 726 Manhattan Avenue and get you some! They’re totally FREE!!!
Polski Meat Market
726 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Be sure to tell them Miss Heather sent you.
Miss Heather
Ask A Greenpointer Gets Its First Question!
Filed under: Crazy People
It would appear that Bert is back and he has a few questions for me to answer. Here they are.
Bert: You just don’t fucking get it do you?
Miss Heather: No I don’t “get it”. In order to “get” whatever your angry missive is about would require that I be a bitter, myopic person whose only solace is lashing out at total strangers via the Internets. Only an idiot would believe blogs have the power to gentrify a neighborhood. It’s actually the other way around: blogs are an indicator of gentrification.
Bert: Why don’t you go back to wherever the fuck you came form and stop ruining our neighborhood?
Miss Heather: I have considered your request and have decided to stay here, thanks. I wish to continue “ruining” this neighborhood by making people laugh, helping my fellow Greenpointers learn more about the neighborhood they live in and embarrassing the Department of Buildings into actually doing their job.
What have you done for this neighborhood, Bert? I didn’t see you at the Mayor’s meeting October 4th. Perhaps you were too busy being an artiste to take the time to educate yourself about community affairs. Then again, why should you? You obviously know it all already.
Bert: Did you ever bother to ask any of the people who lived here before you came along if they would mind you posting a blog about Greenpoint?
Miss Heather: Actually I did chat with a few people I know here before starting New York Shitty. They all said “go for it”. Even if they had panned the idea I would have created New York Shitty anyway because:
- My flights of fancy and right to free speech are not dependent on the approval of others. Especially narrow-minded people who lack vision. People like you.
- I enjoying writing and making art. I create. It takes a thick skin to put your work out there for all to see. I’ve done it before and I’ll be doing it again. Soon: I have had a piece accepted to a juried show. You, on the other hand, profess to be an artist, yet, you have nothing better to do than send nasty emails berating someone else’s work. Perhaps you should redirect this energy towards something constructive? That’s what they should have taught you in art school.
Bert: Why don’t you ask yourself why you are such a selfish attention grabbing poser.
Miss Heather: The attention I have received is the reward for a LOT of hard work and dedication. This blog is a labor of love. I would continue doing it even if it didn’t get as much attention as it (occasionally) does. Conversely, sending an email like above turd to a total stranger strikes me as being an act of selfish attention grabbing.
You’ve got my attention, Bert. Do you feel better now? I don’t. I feel sorry for you.
Since you have made it very apparent you are incapable of behaving like a mature adult, Bert, why don’t you go play with your trains and leave me alone? You are not going to “win” whatever argument you are trying to start with me. Give up and grow up.
I hope the above answers have proven to be helpful. If not, you might like to check out Greenpointers and read what they have to say.
Miss Heather
Ask A Greenpointer
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
All things Greenpoint seem to be the rage these days in the media. Speaking for myself, I have found some of this, uh, reporting to be of questionable quality. To this end my comrades at 11222 and Greenpointers and I are going to pool our collective expertise on this subject and offer a new feature to the Greenpoint (or simply Greenpoint curious) public: Ask A Greenpointer.
Have a question about Greenpoint? Or do you simply want to ask a Greenpointer a question? You can forward it to either of my fellow Greenpointers or me at missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com. We’ll each tender an answer via our respective blogs or here at New York Shitty (we’re still in the planning stage folks, so bear with us).
Happy querying!
Miss Heather
The Greenpoint 10
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
It has recently come to my attention that Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn is soliciting suggestions for this year’s Park Slope 100. I mentioned this to my husband over dinner last weekend. As soon as the words left my lips we both shouted in unison:
Greenpoint should have something like this!
Now, thanks to more than a little inspiration from OTBKB, it does. With a few significant modifications, mind you. Here they are:
- Unlike my compatriot to the south, I am not taking nominations. New York Shitty is not a democracy. It has been my experience that one of the biggest problems with any democratic process is the opinion of an idiot and that of normal person are given equal weight. Those of you who may be wondering what the end result of this practice is need only look at who inhabits the White House nowadays. Yeah, (c)HIM(p).
- Since I am going it alone, my list will contain only ten people. No neighborhood has 100 people worth the use of bandwidth anyway. Sorry.
- Criteria: None, really. Just people (and perhaps a thing or two) that make Greenpoint, well, Greenpoint.
- Because it struck me as being a sterling idea, each installment of the Greenpoint Ten will feature a special motivational poster to uplift your spirits. But enough bullshit, let’s get down to business!
Numbers 9 and 10:
If I had to pick one location to describe Greenpoint, it would be the intersection Manhattan and Greenpoint Avenue. This is the very soul of the Garden Spot. It also happens to be where a number of intoxicated homeless people spend a great deal of time.
But let us not view the glass as being half empty. Most of you looking at the above photo probably just see two bums passed out on discarded furniture. I, on the other hand, see ACCOMPLISHMENT!
Those sofas didn’t just walk to Greenpoint Avenue, you know. These men worked as a team and overcame a number of obstacles (among them being drunk as hell) to actualize their placement there. I for one find it inspiring to see these men enjoying the fruits of their hard liquor, hard labor and —dare I say it— TEAMWORK.
Greenpoint Success.
Congratulations guys, you’ve made it to the Greenpoint Ten! Mazel Tov.
Stay tuned: Next Thursday I will unveil #8!
Miss Heather
Bedford Avenue Is…
Filed under: Williamsburg
a lot of things to a lot of people. Some people like it, other people hate it. Regardless of your stand on this subway stop, dear readers, I can state with 100% certainty that we all can agree upon one thing: most people can’t afford it. It would appear that someone who patronizes the North 7 Street and Driggs Avenue entrance of the L train shares this sentiment. As I learned today.
How very true.
Thanks Rebecca11222 for forwarding me this great image!
Miss Heather
Bad Finger
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
As some of you may have noticed, I have had a “thing” for the Department of Buildings of late. My reasons for disliking this agency are too plentiful to go into here. Let’s just say I think a thorough cleansing of the department from top to bottom wouldn’t hurt. In fact, I bet there are a few overworked, motivated and (dare I say it) honest inspectors under their employ who would back me up on this. If such a person is reading this, please shoot me an email. I would love to talk to you.
But I digress.
Today’s installment of Greenpoint goodness involves a former building inspector turned landlord, a disgruntled tenant and a finger. No not that finger. I am speaking of the kind of finger which usually graces one’s hand. Usually. Therein lies the crux of the following tale of digital divestiture from the August 18, 1878 edition of the New York Times entitled “A Strange Hospital Tale”. Enjoy!
Bedbugs aren’t the only things that will bite you in Greenpoint. Fuck those candy-ass “Beware of Dog” signs; they should make one which reads Beware of Tenant!
Miss Heather
The Shit Crawler Strikes Back!
Some of you might remember I entered a competition last month entitled Art Ate New York. Well, the curators have curated. The judges are in the process of deciding upon a winner. But it has been determined by yours truly a long ago, win or lose, that sticking Jawas in scat is WHERE IT’S AT! My reasons for the previous assertion are numerous, but one of them is you get emails like the one I got yesterday from Artists Wanted.
Congratulations! You’ve made it to the final round for the Art Ate New York competition. Do you have higher res versions of your images? We are going to be making the final decision on the winner this week, but also want to show your images to some curators and magazine editors… Also, we’d like to show your images projected at our event (!!! —Ed. Note) scheduled for Friday, October 19th. 300 dpi 8×10 is great, but any higher res size will be good… Also, if you have a web site you use to promote yourself, send that address as well.
So there have you. Of course, what would the Shit Crawler have been without the rather sculptural pile of dog shit accompanying it? Whoever you are, inconsiderate Greenpoint dog owner, please accept this humble expression of my sincerest gratitude. I couldn’t have done it without you.
And your canine companion.
Those of you who wish to behold the glory that is the Greenpoint Shit Crawler (albeit in SoHo, not in situ) will have your chance next week:
Art Ate New York: Renegade Art Show
October 19, 7:00 p.m. – 1:00 a.m.
Red Bull Gallery
40 Thompson Street (at Broome), Manhattan
Miss Heather
Gentrification Rears Its Ugly Head at Greenpoint Bodega!
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Today I walked by a former haunt of mine: the bodega on Manhattan Avenue just north of Clay Street. As a former resident of Clay Street I know this bodega well (where else are you going to buy maxi pads at ten o’clock at night?). Or do I? As I found myself wondering today.
“75 CENT” for a cup of coffee!?! OUTRAGEOUS! And to think I was once a regular patron of yours, Manhattan Avenue bodega. First it’s 10 oz. cups. Next you’ll be giving people free music with their over-priced, sugar-laden coffee products*.
You disgust me.
Miss Heather
*Like You Know Who down the street.
D.O.B.: Deaf (Dumb) Or Blind
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
I have yet to get a response from Patricia Lancaster regarding the packet of Greenpoint development gentrification gone wrong goodies I tendered at last week’s Greenpoint mayoral meet-up. This is understandable given the workload I gave her: four sites located in a neighborhood no one (save developers, the real estate agents who profit from them and the inconvenient renters peasants who actually live here) seems to give a shit about.
Nonetheless, I feel compelled to add this to her “to do” list: 154 West Street. These guys love them some illegal weekend construction. I have noted it here and…
HERE.
The above photo was taken on Saturday, October 6 at 5:15 p.m.
Did they have a variance to work this (or any other) weekend? If the “Job Payment History” records from the Department of Building’s own web site are any indication, the answer is NO.
As we learned from this post, after hours variances can be found in the payment history for any given property. $80.00 deposit and $100.00 payment is all it takes for the Department of Buildings to sanction a developer to operate a pile driver on a Saturday.
$180.00
That’s what the peaceful enjoyment of (y)our neighborhood is worth according to the Department of Buildings.
Angry yet? You should be.
Miss Heather
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