Public Service Announcement

December 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Williamsburg 

Anyone who has checked out Queens Crap recently has probably learned that sending Ms. Lancaster (the Commissioner of the Department of Buildings) an angry email may very well net you a visit from New York’s Finest. While I personally would have used different rhetoric than what this chap employed (I think asking if she is incompetent or merely corrupt would suffice), the fact of the matter is his missive scarcely merited the “response” it received.

Unlike our friends at New York City’s most-maligned municipal agency, I am a big fan of the Bill of Rights. What’s more, I understand the therapeutic value of blowing off steam when dealing with intransigent public officials. To this end I wish to introduce “Hard Hat Hannah”.

Hard Hat Hannah

Since the Department of Buildings has such a heavy workload and their enforcement “activity” in my neck of the woods is virtually non-existent, I decided to make my own building inspector. Recently we went for walk.

Fence on Roebling

Here is Hannah tut-tutting over a downed construction fence on Roebling Street.

Grand Street Crackhouse

The crack house over on Grand Street did not sit well with her either.


In fact, by the time we hit Frost Street she was begging me to put her back in my backpack.

If you, dear readers, need to vent a little frustration at a “building inspector” but do not want to risk intimidation from the cops you can shoot Hannah an email at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

or you can post your thoughts in the comments. I will make sure she gets them.

Miss Heather

Disgruntled Williamsburg Parent Changes Tactics…

but his motivations/inducements are more or less the same.

Looking for an apartment…

This, his latest attempt, is subtle…

NORTH Greenpoint

and yet, more desperate. Maybe you, my fellow Greenpointers, can open your hearts and sublet your closet, tool shed or parking space so “John’s” precious children can receive a better education? One their father clearly did not receive: reading, writing, critical thinking, and ethics:

I need to move my two children from an otherwise great location in Williamsburg. but where They currently attend a dismally performing school and I wish have them to attend the school designated for this neighborhood (annotated: GreenPoint). To this end I am prepared to sacrifice as above or pay $$ to anyone who can help effect this (my latest attempt to bribe my children into a better performing school in a less “great” location).

Miss Heather’s mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when forced to read and correct the aforementioned drech while waiting to check out at The Garden while not wasted (intoxication makes illiteracy coupled with entitlement go down better for yours truly).

The quality of “North GreenPoint’s” schools is well known. To Greenpointers and one Gowanus Lounge commenter anyway:

why is he doing this now – didn’t do his homework before moving house?

The information that Greenpoint’s two schools were high performing and Williamsburg’s were not was already freely available before the grading.

Clearly John did NOT do his homework. Given this gent’s persistence, it begs one to wonder how many more concerned Williamsburg parents will try to lie/cheat/bribe their way into Greenpoint’s public schools.

Miss Heather

To Whom It May Concern

December 15, 2007 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day 


To the irresponsible dog owner who left their pooch’s “product” at the intersection McGuinness Boulevard and Green Street yesterday:

  1. Do you enjoy wallowing in your own/someone else’s feces?
  2. Do you like stepping in dog shit?
  3. Would you like it if I dropped a load on your shoes? (Think about this one: I eat A LOT of roughage.)

If your answer to any of the above questions is “no”: FUCK YOU.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I added a category for people like you today. It is called “Asshole”. You were the inspiration. Mazel Tov!

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