Greenpoint Photos du Jour: Vandalism!

July 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

Just as Peter Vallone Jr. prognosticated, the guys at Alphabeta have precipitated a wave of mindless vandalism in the neighborhood!

Oh wait, the peeps at East Coast Aliens* actually asked Alphabeta to decorate their security gate. Go figure.

Regardless I was outraged by this flagrant act of art-making in front of Christina’s Restaurant last night. Is this what our society has come to? Juvenile delinquency trickling up to septuagenarians?

Fellow Greenpointers, if you see someone expressing him/herself don’t ask questions or bother our elected officials. Report it immediately to Peter Vallone Jr.

Peter Vallone Jr.
22-45 31st Street
Astoria, NY 11105
(718) 274-0007
vallone4ny (at) gmail (dot) com

He clearly has our best interests at heart.

Miss Heather

*Whose schedule will be limited this summer, but they’re having a fundraiser for Barack Obama July 26. Check out their calendar for details.

Cabaret License Riddle

July 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

What do you do when you when you manage a night club that has received a lot of bad press and seeks to get a cabaret license after operating without one for years?

If you’re Studio B you offer to “reach out” to disgruntled neighbors by having a barbecue and hire a former city councilman to argue your case. Mr Fisher, now a lobbyist* for such businesses as Two Trees Management and the Kingsland Group put on quite a show. He told everyone present not to believe the “second” and “third-hand reports”. Hilarity ensued.

The problem with acting like there is no problem is a handful of Greenpointers might be on hand to tell you otherwise. What’s more, can a woman pick up her dog’s crap without being propositioned? For shame!

In all seriousness, Mr. Fisher’s speech was not only a farce, it was an INSULT to the intelligence of Community Board 1 and the hardworking people who have the misfortune of calling Studio B a neighbor. The Public Safety Committee will convene to hold a vote regarding Studio B’s Cabaret license on July 31, 2008 at 6:30 p.m. Who will prevail? Only time will tell.

Miss Heather

*Whose specialty is Real Estate and Independent Contractor Compliance.

Meanpoint Photo du Jour: Noble Street

June 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

Remember that standee of his girlfriend Olympia placed at the corner of Franklin Street and Noble Street for her birthday? Well, over the weekend it received a few modifications.

This is not witty. This is not funny. This is a heartless act of vandalism perpetrated by a person bereft of any sense of compassion whose self-esteem is derived by denigrating others. I have no doubt Olympia spent a lot of time working on this. It was very much a labor of love. How long did it take some anonymous asshole to destroy it? Probably five minutes. Way to go, jerkoff!

I have a better idea: why doesn’t the person who saw fit to vandalize this work of art go to hell?

Miss Heather

Would You Buy A Condo From This Man?

June 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Bushwick, Williamsburg 

This is 68 Meserole Street. It was once the site of an enormous bottle recycling facility. Now it has been razed. Surprised and a little disappointed (I found the stench of stale beer that used to hang over this intersection strangely endearing) I took the above photograph.

Shortly after doing so I was confronted by a worker at this site. Not liking where his line of questioning was going, e.g.; Is there a problem here… (If I want to take pictures of a street corner it isn’t anyone’s damned business but my own) I took the liberty of filming our little interaction. Hilarity ensued. (WARNING: Contains “language”. In other words, NSFW!)

After shooting the above film the gentlemen of “MAJ Construction Services” heckled and took pictures of me on their cell phones. One even bothered to drive by and scream at me as I was walking down the street fifty feet away.

Take my advice: unless you want some goon to shove your camera where the sun don’t shine (and I have lived in this city long enough to know there are people here who will pay serious money for this kind of experience, lest any of you are reading, consider this a tip), avoid the corner of Meserole and Leonard Street like the plague. These chaps are real professionals.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Be sure to check out the recent complaints on the Department of Buildings online database. “MAJ Construction” was issued demolition permits June 5, 2008. But that didn’t stop them from getting a head start!

Four complaints called in over a mere 48 hours. That has to be a record! Here’s my personal favorite:


Apparently the Building Inspector tried twice to get access to 68 Meserole to no avail. May I recommend he (or she) pull out a camera and pretend to take photographs? As we have seen, this is quite effective in getting their attention.

Friday The 13th At Studio B

June 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

One would think after having the Department of Buildings cite them for not having their Public Assembly paperwork in order (and having this brought to the attention of the Department of Consumer Affairs) that Studio B would cease their illicit behavior.

Nope. 9:45 last night they were gearing up to party on both floors! Do they have legal right to conduct business in this rooftop garden? No. They don’t exactly have right to do so on the first floor either. To Studio B’s credit, they may be scofflaws but at least they’re consistent.

An angry neighbor writes me (at 11:55 p.m.):

311 wouldn’t take my complaint because the same thing had just been called in to the DOB.

That’s one way of making the city look like it is doing it’s job and everything is hunky dory: refuse to document complaints. Speaking as someone who has worked in management (and actually gave a damn), however, this is very ineffective policy customer service-wise. And make no mistake about it— as tax payers (READ: clients), we are to be served by this city’s agencies— not the other way around.

When one client brought something to my attention, I took notice. When 2,3,4+ more people complained to me about the same thing, I addressed it. Immediately. I suppose that is the difference: I actually cared about the clients under my care. This city, apparently, doesn’t.

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday: 158 Freeman Street

June 13, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Fedders Friday 

Today’s Fedders Friday goes out to Bobby Scarano.

Not only is he one of the most ethically-challenged architects this borough has had the misfortune of becoming acquainted with, but he is also a Fedderista!

Here’s looking at you, kid.

Miss Heather


June 12, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

If you see a truck with “National Grid” emblazoned upon it on your block and chaps jackhammering up your sidewalk, BEWARE. The odds are they are going to turn your gas off. This means NO USING YOUR STOVE TO COOK OR HAVING HOT WATER TO BATHE IN folks.

And no, they will not give you warning. How do I know this? I have been without hot water since 7:45 this morning.

Miss “would really like to take a bath” Heather

UPDATE: As of 9:54 a.m. June 13, 2008 my apartment building still does not have hot water.

4:53 p.m. June 13, 2008: WE HAVE HOT WATER. Hallelujah!

Some Advice For The Workers At 110 Green Street

June 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

I would like to humbly suggest that you refrain from making kissing and hissing noises at female passersby (as two of your colleagues saw fit to do today). Saying “Hey Baby” and (after being ignored by said female) pushing the matter by continuing to verbally harass said woman will (as two of you learned today) not only net you being called an “asshole” in return, but the object of your misguided affection might have a camera…

and happen to be a blogger.

Oh yeah, and if you and yours make any more lewd comments to my upstairs neighbor’s teenage daughter her mother is calling the police.


Miss Heather

Studio B: The Intrigue Continues

June 3, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

As some of you might remember, I wrote a post recently stating that Studio B is seeking the green light for a cabaret license from Community Board 1. Well, I have learned today that it is a helluva lot more interesting than that! I have it from a reliable source that not only is the Department of Consumer Affairs (not the Department of Buildings) responsible for issuing such permits, but Studio B has been operating without one for TWO YEARS!

More (undoubtedly) to come!

Miss Heather


June 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

Sunday afternoon I received the following email from a tipster. “M” writes:

Have you seen the latest Greenpoint Courier? Inset in the newest issue is Volume 1, Edition 1 of ExxonMobil Progress, a 12-page – 6 in English, 6 in Polish – “newsletter” in which Exxon details the fine work they’re doing for the good folks of Greenpoint. Carolina Asirifi pens the introductory letter, which calls attention to the company’s grants to local schools and “underscores ExxonMobil’s commitment to safeguarding out neighbor’s health and safety in every aspect of our operation.”

Lord knows how much Exxon paid for this supplement, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t enough to pay the paper’s production costs…

Fun bonus fact: The contact number that Exxon provides for suggestions from the community about future articles – 718-389-8789 – doesn’t work.

Needless to say I got off the computer and grabbed a copy of this paper immediately. You, dear readers, should do the same. It’s a real pisser.

Click on the above image and read this shit bomb yourself. Follows is my favorite quote. It comes from the article propaganda featured on page 5 entitled Progress Snapshot: Focus on Community Health and Safety… Our Highest Priority.

To safeguard your health and safety, we installed and maintain more than 240 monitoring wells to help us accurately identify the location and depth of the underground plume of the underground plume of petroleum products.

The above statement makes it sound like Exxon dug these wells out of the kindness of their little hearts. This is not true; they were required to install them. This tome goes on to reassure us, the Greenpoint public, that of the measly 52 houses tested, none came up positive for vapors. Whew I sure feel better sleeping at night knowing Exxon is on the case! How about you?

I have also learned recently that our good neighbors at Exxon Mobil are quite the model citizens. Did you know that thanks to Vito Lopez, Exxon Mobil has been “partners” with the N.Y.P.D. Auxiliary Police since 1991? They have donated over $200,000 to this cause. Wow!

As a matter of fact Exxon Mobil has thrown a lot of chump change around our fair burgh recently. Here’s a list of what I am aware of:

  • The N.Y.P.D. Auxiliary Police (above)
  • St. Cecilia School (soon to be defunct— ironically there was an article about just this on the front page of this edition of the Greenpoint Courier.)
  • St. Stanislaus School
  • The Polish Film Festival. Per the Williamsburg Greenpoint News+Arts they threw “several thousand dollars” at this event. Here’s what the Director of this festival, Marco Ursino, had to say:

My position is that it is a good thing and it would continue to be a good thing if ExxonMobil is giving back to the community… If I can take some of that money and channel it to the community and people can benefit from it, it is good that they are willing to make the gesture.

Hey, at least the guy realizes he is being used. The folks at Town Square sure as fuck don’t.

Do you know of any other charitable contributions Exxon Mobil has made recently (in their attempt buy our trust)? If so, please pass them along to me via email at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

In closing, I’d like to leave you with this fun fact listed at the bottom of page 6 under an item entitled “West Point Comes To Greenpoint”*:

How many of these individuals are Public Relations officials? Just curious. I know for a fact Ms. Asirfiri has requested to be on the steering committee for a park slated to be built right here in Greenpoint. What’s more, she was added to the email list by the acting chair of the committee without any input whatsoever from the committee at large. Not only did the “chair” seemingly not have a problem with this arrangement, but two committee members who are actively engaged in litigation against Exxon were curiously excluded from this email:

Some of you may have noticed a new name added to the email list on the update I just sent: Carolina Asirifi, who is the community relations director for Exxon Mobil. (name excised) informed me last week that she’d like to be a member of our steering committee. I’m sure some of us might have a bone to pick re her employer and their policies, but I also think that we could potentially use her involvement to our advantage!

One does not use Public Relations officials, be they from Exxon-Mobil or elsewhere. The very nature of a P.R. hack’s job is to use us— and if all the previous is any indication, Ms. Asirfiri, et. al. are doing a smash-up job. If you any of you have an issue with Exxon-Mobil’s practice of throwing around pocket change instead of fessing up to their culpability regarding the oil spill (or simply want to call them on fobbing off a paid advertising section as “news”), don’t waste your time calling an inoperative phone number! Here’s Ms. Asirfiri’s email address:

carolina.a.asirifi (at) exxonmobil (dot) com

Why not let Exxon know today that some of us Greenpointers aren’t buying it. Or at least we demand a much higher price to sellout.

Miss Heather

*This confirms my suspicion that Greenpoint will be revealed as a manufacturer of W.M.D.s so as to facilitate “preemptive unilateral action” by the good ol’ U.S. of A. to take our precious petrol! Bastards.

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