Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
‘Tis The Season: Green Street
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
The more I walk by this holiday display, the more I like it. Especially the duct tape.
Miss Heather
P.S.: I am not kidding.
#3 and #2 of the Greenpoint 10 are…
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Santa and Mrs. Claus! Good ol’ Saint Nick will be coming to town soon you know. Oh wait, scratch that: he’s ALREADY HERE!
Parents who wish to take their kids to see Santa, take note: the last time I saw him he was hanging out on India Street wearing a butcher’s apron and smoking a cigarette.
Mrs. Claus can be located a short distance away waiting for some kielbasa. I would advise parents against taking their children to meet Santa’s missus. She might frighten them.
Miss Heather
Love Is In The Air!
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek
Many who are reading this are probably aware of the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee. They are a community group charged with overseeing the upgrade of Greenpoint’s favorite sewage treatment plant. Each month they meet with the Department of Environmental Protection and talk sewage shop. While this may sound like watching paint dry to some, it has come to my attention that a subject has arisen at the last two meetings which is anything but boring.
Per Emily Lloyd, the Commissioner of the Department of Environmental Protection, “unsavory acts” are transpiring at the nature walk. Per my source (the ever-cool Matt Wolfe of The Greenpoint Courier) she did not give any details as to the nature of these acts, but I suspect they are of a carnal persuasion. I want you to think about this for a moment, dear readers: there are people who (purportedly) see fit to fornicate in the shadow of New York Shitty’s largest sewage treatment plant.
This is like something straight out of a John Waters movie— which of course bears testament to its probable verity: Greenpoint is a John Waters kind of place. I wonder if a shag rug and a bottle of cold duck were used as inducements for these “unsavory acts”? Both of the previous facilitated my entrance into this world. I know this because my mother has told me so.
On a number of occasions.
But I digress. I have created a very special Greenpoint postcard to commemorate the (un?)natural acts which have taken place at the Nature Walk of late. Here it is for your delectation.
These can be purchased via my online store at Cafepress. Why not reach out and touch that special someone with a gift only Greenpoint can give? The Shit Tits!
Miss Heather
P.S.: Those of you who are interested in learning more about the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee can contact them at:
Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee
329 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 349-0150
Disgruntled Williamsburg Parent Changes Tactics…
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Asshole, Crazy People, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Planet Entitlement
but his motivations/inducements are more or less the same.
This, his latest attempt, is subtle…
and yet, more desperate. Maybe you, my fellow Greenpointers, can open your hearts and sublet your closet, tool shed or parking space so “John’s” precious children can receive a better education? One their father clearly did not receive: reading, writing, critical thinking, and ethics:
I need to move my two children from an otherwise great location in Williamsburg. but where They currently attend a dismally performing school and I wish have them to attend the school designated for this neighborhood (annotated: GreenPoint). To this end I am prepared to sacrifice as above or pay $$ to anyone who can help effect this (my latest attempt to bribe my children into a better performing school in a less “great” location).
Miss Heather’s mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when forced to read and correct the aforementioned drech while waiting to check out at The Garden while not wasted (intoxication makes illiteracy coupled with entitlement go down better for yours truly).
The quality of “North GreenPoint’s” schools is well known. To Greenpointers and one Gowanus Lounge commenter anyway:
why is he doing this now – didn’t do his homework before moving house?
The information that Greenpoint’s two schools were high performing and Williamsburg’s were not was already freely available before the grading.
Clearly John did NOT do his homework. Given this gent’s persistence, it begs one to wonder how many more concerned Williamsburg parents will try to lie/cheat/bribe their way into Greenpoint’s public schools.
Miss Heather
To Whom It May Concern
To the irresponsible dog owner who left their pooch’s “product” at the intersection McGuinness Boulevard and Green Street yesterday:
- Do you enjoy wallowing in your own/someone else’s feces?
- Do you like stepping in dog shit?
- Would you like it if I dropped a load on your shoes? (Think about this one: I eat A LOT of roughage.)
If your answer to any of the above questions is “no”: FUCK YOU.
Miss Heather
P.S.: I added a category for people like you today. It is called “Asshole”. You were the inspiration. Mazel Tov!
Correspondence, Greenpoint Style
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Are you tired of honking and steering your vehicle through commuter hell? If so, I suppose you could call 311 or send an email to the Commissioner of the Department of Transportation.
But if you wish to conserve energy (and have a Sharpie marker handy) you can simply leave a message on their facility underneath the Pulaski Bridge.
Miss Heather
A Couple Weekend Events
This Saturday, December 15, THE GIFT on grand holiday sale will be conducted at Secret Project Robot (which, ironically enough, is not located on Grand Street). Per Sodafine’s announcement:
We’ll be taking over the main gallery space of Secret Project Robot as well as the basement for the afternoon of Saturday, December 15 from 11 a.m. -7 p.m. Just in time for all of your last minute holiday shopping!! We’re rounding up a terrific group of artists this year, including a bunch of designers that participated last year as well as a lot of new faces. There will certainly be gifts of all types to suit everyone on your list!
Those wishing to get a sneak peek at the participating artists should point and click your way over to THE GIFT on grand’s blog. While you’re there, be sure to check out this insanely stylish doggie sweater.
THE GIFT on grand
at Secret Project Robot
210 Kent Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
After doing a little shopping, why not check out some art? Per the Cheryl Molnar Projects web site, 649 Morgan Avenue will be hosting an open house right here in Greenpoint:
The 649 Morgan Avenue- Fine Arts Building in Greenpoint, Brooklyn announces that it will be holding an Open Studios event that will be held from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. …December 15, 2007. The building has over 20 artists studios – many of which will be participating. A variety of work will be showing including painting, drawing, sculpture and installation.
For more information you can email Ms. Molnar at cheryl (at) cherylmolnar (dot) com or visit her web site.
Fine Arts Building
649 Morgan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Note: Both of these events are free to the general public.
Miss Heather
Great Moments in Greenpoint Siding, Vol XII: Meserole Avenue
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Inasmuch as it pains me to say it, the aluminum siding and Fedders box somehow “work” with this holiday decorating scheme.
Miss Heather
W.W.J.G.?
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Where would Jesus go? It is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately given it is the holiday season. If the nativity scenes I have been seeing around the Garden Spot are any indication, the answer is NOT GREENPOINT.
Morgan Avenue:
No son of god here.
Humboldt Diamond Street:
Yes, it would appear our messiah has gone M.I.A.
Oak Street:
No sir, nary a Nazarene to be found. Joseph sure looks tuckered out. I bet he needed a good nap after a long day greasing palms* to get baby Jesus out of those under-performing Williamsburg schools.
Miss Heather
*Just what “this neighborhood” needs. Rich parents bribing/lying their children into our public schools.
The Calyer Cooze, Revisited
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Scarcely a week ago I wrote a post about the proliferation of vaginal imagery on my neighborhood’s trees. Today I wish to report that I made another pass by the Calyer Cooze this week and came to the realization that I had made a glaring oversight.
Even without the pink vulva inscribed on it…
this tree trunk is terrifying in its anatomical correctness.
Miss Heather
P.S.: I felt like Larry Flynt after taking the above photograph.
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