A Choice Tidbit From The New York Times Archives

August 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: 11211, Asshole, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Speaking as someone who has lived in north Brooklyn for ten years I remember a time when Williamsburg was more or less defined as the first four stops on the L train— no “ifs” “ands” or “buts”. Over the ensuing years this has been expanded to include pretty much anything short of Ridgewood and given current trends they may very well be next. Only time will tell if my fair burgh will be rechristened “Williamsburg(h) Heights”. Lest the first three sentences of this post have not made it clear I have found a heaping help of black humor to be immensely helpful when living in the shadow such a capacious and rapacious giant. And what a shadow it is! Case in point:


I found this bad boy outside the Morgan Avenue stop of the L. Per the ad copy (which can be seen in larger format by clicking on the above image*) this Valhalla is located off the DeKalb Avenue stop of the L. Apparently eight stops out of Manhattan now qualifies as “East Williamsburg”. Albeit with a significantly smaller typeface.

Imagine if you will, dear readers, a time when real estate agents were not so fast and loose about “branding” a neighborhood  “Williamsburg”. A time when Williamsburgers didn’t even want to be called Williamsburgers; they wanted to be simple Brooklynites. There was such a time. What’s more, the New York Times documented it on February 23, 1896. Enjoy!



Found In Brooklyn, who took the above photograph, writes:

And this Toll Brothers monolith on the other side. Ewwwww. Can you imagine being one of the numbers living in there? This would fit in better in a business district of a city such as Phoenix or Miami but whatever it’s here and they are not selling like hotcakes.

Welcome to the newer conditions of society.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Results

When Laura Hofmann asked Mister Heather to sign a petition to get Evan Thies on the ballot a couple months ago he gladly obliged.


As a result we have been receiving his campaign propaganda ever since. Like this postcard…


…which our cat, Bodhi, saw fit to annotate with his vomitus. As his name indicates, Bodhi is a very wise tabby. Greenpoint born and raised. This is what I call “results”!

I mention the previous anecdote because this evening I received a call from one of Evan Thies’s merry elves on my landline. This is curious for a number of reasons, among them:

  1. Chez Shitty’s landline is under Mister Heather’s name, not mine.
  2. It is unlisted.
  3. The caller/shill asked for me specifically. How did this chap know this phone number, indeed, belonged to me? I’m guessing OSA or GWAPP gave it to him.

In any case, this chap asked me what my feelings about Evan Thies were. I replied:


To wit he asked:


I replied:

Among other things the fact he resigned from CB1 before the Broadway Triangle vote. He should have stayed on, voted and explained why he voted for or against this plan. As distasteful as the choice was either way.

Then I got a song and dance about how Thies’s resignation was ill-timed, e.g.; he didn’t know it would coincide with the Broadway Triangle vote. How he was against the Broadway Triangle plan, etc. I made it known, albeit politely, that I thought his argument was bullshit, he was not going to change my mind and I have other things to do. That brought this unsolicited phone call to a merciful end.

Closing thoughts (for Evan Thies’s campaign wonks/worker bees):

  1. Touting your years as David Yassky’s “Chief of Staff” is a minus, not a plus.
  2. I don’t care who you got my phone number from: do not call me. Especially in the evening. Per *69 you called from 1 (646) 594-4545 at 7:32 p.m. I have every intention of calling this number tomorrow— you have wasted my time, I want to return the favor. It’s better to give than receive.
  3. With Thiesisms like this (regarding campaign contributions he received from Dean Palin and family, who plans to build a 40 story tower at the end of India Street. Dean can be seen hamming it up for the camera with the Executive Director of OSA and David Yassky here):

Thanks for your email–I’d hate for you to think that I was keeping anything from you.  I do not support a 40-story tower there and I said as much at the last debate and during community board discussions on the project, after which, as you probably know, we approved the proposal unanimously with suggested changes.

I do, however, think that the affordable housing component of the project is good, and that a smaller version of the development would be the best case scenario.

I’ve known Dean for a while now, and I think he will work with us on this–but we have to keep at it throughout the land use process.

I cannot, with clear conscience, vote for you Evan. You’re David Yassky 2.0. What’s more, when I get unsolicited phone calls from your campaign workers at dinnertime it pisses me off. Big time. Hence why I wrote this post and relegated you to the “asshole” category on my humble site.

Mazel tov!

Miss Heather

P.S.: The Mister and I are still for Jo Anne Simon. There is no perfect candidate in this race. At least Ms. Simon was frank and didn’t bullshit me when I met her last week. I liked her. What’s more, her workers don’t call me while I’m having dinner.

UPDATE, August 14, 2009; 12:20: I just received a prank call from Mister Heather. As soon as I picked up the phone he said “This is the David Yassky campaign”. I hung up.

New York Shitty Day Ender: Results

July 23, 2009 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Brooklyn, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 


Under your watch, Evan, you have done nothing. Zero. Zilch. To preserve my community’s quality of life. Quite to the contrary; I live in a wasteland of derelict nondos, vacant lots and broken promises. “Smart development”: please explain to me why a bankrupt condo on my block is trying to rent one bedroom apartments for $2,150 a month?

As a (now former) member of CB 1 (you resigned before that controversial vote on the Broadway Triangle thing— it’s harder to hit a moving target) I take it you voted in favor of this? Because what Greenpoint (which already has Bloomblight aplenty) needs is a 40 story tower. As long as it’s not in your backyard who cares? It’s in my backyard and I care.

BDE31609And of course there’s the matter of David Yassky, your mentor, funding the mural on India Street. With a little help from Dean Palin, the developer who wants to build said tower. He and his donated in excess of $7,000 to Yassky’s Comptroller war chest.

The head of the “Friends of India Street” group, Barbara McGlamery, donated no less than $300 to your campaign.

Her husband, Adam “I never worked for a developer“* Perlmutter donated $175 to David Yassky’s campaign. Among others.

Oh, but we get a “mural” and “park space” before this turd is built. With the tacit and enthusiastic approval of the head of OSAnb (who can be seen smiling with Yassky and Palin in the above image**) and NBpac: both are on the city’s payroll.

Show me one piece of affordable housing in Greenpoint you have created, Evan, and I’ll give you my endorsement.

You can’t and I won’t.

I’m voting for Jo Anne Simon.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I will enjoy my summer knowing you, Yassky, and Rami Metal will be out of a job next year. With “progressive” representatives like you, who needs enemies?

*Perlmutter did. He worked for George Klein. Who has hedged his bets campaign-wise. Here’s Klein’s vision of our waterfront.  Boardwalk Empire is currently filming on Klein’s property: Commercial Street at Franklin. So much for enjoying our waterfront.

**Which comes courtesy of the brave new Brooklyn Daily Eagle.

A Morgan Avenue P.S.A.

June 10, 2009 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Bushwick, Crazy Cat Lady, Williamsburg 


Cat owners who live on or around the intersection of Rock Street and Morgan Avenue take note:


a cat poisoner appears to be operating in your neighborhood. It goes without saying if you see someone acting suspiciously around or out rightly abusive to our furry friends contact the ASPCA at the above-listed phone number stat.


Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Why?

June 2, 2009 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Crazy Cat Lady, Williamsburg 

Boy I have been pissed off a lot of late. At first I chalked it up to the lousy weather and allergies. Then the weather got better and my allergies abated— only to discover I was still pissed off. I have ceased to think much of it anymore; I have noticed damned near everyone else I have encountered in the Garden Spot lately is pissed off too. Who I am to buck the community Zeitgeist?

Now throw in some serious sleep deprivation due to:

  1. one of the most obnoxious neighbors you can imagine throwing a party for 20-30 of her equally obnoxious friends*
  2. crazy people screaming on my block at all hours of the night
  3. and one of our local watering holes deciding R & B music is best enjoyed at 2:00 – 2:30 a.m. LOUDLY.

and you get one very pissed off Miss Heather indeed!

Now add this to the mix…


and I am ready to blow! What is so rage-inducing about this kitten, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

As I was running errands yesterday afternoon I bumped into my buddy Lisacat who, as some of you might or might not know, does a great deal of animal rescue work. She was about to pop into a wine store on Nassau Avenue when I spotted her and her ubiquitous cardboard cat carrier and I asked her what was in the box. That’s when she showed me the above little fellow she rescued in East Williamsburg and something else:


Someone, for reasons only known to him, saw fit to shave him: ear hair, whiskers and all.

We eventually drifted onto the subject of what to name this handsome chap. Lisa suggested that since he has been shorn we name him after a famous bald person. I immediately thought of Ving Rhames, as just like in the movie Pulp Fiction this little guy has had an encounter with someone he would just as well forget (WARNING: previous link is very NSFW) and quite frankly, whoever that person is, I too would very much like to go medieval on his ass.

I will never for the life of me understand why people do shit like this. Really.

Miss Heather

*Luckily I have since learned this was a moving party. No more listening to this woman talk on her cell phone for hours on end— day or night— while sitting in her window and smoking skunkweed and no more excuses for the Mister to walk around the apartment with no clothes on. Hallelujah!

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

May 22, 2009 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

(For hypocrisy!)

Ever since David Yassky (and his mother) decided his incompetence should be taken to a higher level, e.g.; New York City Comptroller my inbox has been teeming with missives from his minions about his many good deeds. Usually I ignore them bit this one is such a pisser I can’t resist posting it.


It goes on to say:

The priority of the Brooklyn Heights Association has been preservation of the low scale context of the Brooklyn Bridge and the best site for a new Middle School for the district. The current proposal, as well as the subsequent recommendation from the Department of City Planning, does not adequately reduce the size of the project to a scale that maintains the character of the immediate context or the integrity of the bridge itself,” said Tom van den Bout, President of the Brooklyn Heights Association. “An equally important, yet separate issue is whether the proposed building offers the most appropriate place for a much needed middle school. It is deeply troubling that the site selection process, and subsequent negotiation with the developer, has been so completely opaque. We seriously question whether a more appropriate site, offering a larger size and a more central location is not available.

Once again:

No other civilized country would permit this type of development to encroach upon and dominate its most sacred landmarks, whether we are talking about the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, or St. Paul’s Cathedral. If this project is approved, future generations will wonder at the shortsightedness of our political leaders, who approved a parking garage and retail spaces within one hundred feet of the American equivalent of the Eiffel Tower.


Yet— Councilman David Yassky— the defender of Brooklyn’s history— had no qualms about cock-blocking the land marking of this Cass Gilbert building, AKA: 184 Kent Street. Probably because the developer/Wolf Block/Kenny Fisher paid him off. Via Gotham Gazette:

Council member David Yassky, who represents the district where the building is located, led the fight to overturn the commission’s decision.

“This is simply not worthy of landmarking,” said Yassky.

Recently, Yassky helped broker a deal for the developer to give $335,000 to build affordable housing in the area in return for permission to alter the Austin Nichols building.

“I believe that the future of the waterfront is in residential development, and that is what we should be promoting,” he said.

Yassky was able to convince most of his colleagues, including Simcha Felder, who chairs the council’s landmarks committee, to support him.

“This is a piece of trash,” said Felder. “We should knock it down and put something nice up.”

So as to build something “nice” like this, perhaps? Or do only the more affluent neighborhoods in your gerrymandered district deserve protection? As a resident of north Brooklyn I wonder at your “short-sightedness” every day Mr. Yassky.

You met with Bob Guskind (deceased) last December. The 16th if my memory serves me correctly. This meeting was at your behest. As a close friend of Bob’s I can tell you he had trepidations about it. He said it would be much harder to “riff” on you if he met you in person, e.g.; you’d come off as a nice reasonable guy, etc. He was a “softie” that way. And as his friend (he recounted your conversation to me)  I can say you succeeded. Somewhat. He said you came off “politician”. You made all the reasonable arguments. And then some.

Among the “concerns” you raised which he agreed with were derelict and abandoned properties. You laid blame on the MTA and the “city” for lack of planning. Simply put, you “kicked the can”.  That’s easy to do when you don’t have to look at the following everyday. So much “trash” and lives trampled under foot by your vision of “progress”.

You are responsible, Dave.  As the ostensible chair of  the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee you don’t show up much; you send your “community liaison”, Rami Metal, instead. Rami has started NBPac to get the artists engaged in their own eradication. You are ephemerally fighting for Newtown Creek and yet are against Superfunding Gowanus? Perhaps all the previous are why you are shilling for a to have “illegal” gates torn down and have effectively co-opted parks groups in north Brooklyn in partnership with OSA? And have licked Vito Lopez’s devil’s onion ring? You’ll do anything to get elected, David. You have no principles. Robert Guskind made this all too clear to me.

I didn’t go to the Brooklyn Blogfest this month but someone I know did. This was his first (and hopefully last) encounter with your funky bunch:

I knew nothing about David Yassky until I was approached by his minions at the blogfest last week. He actually got on stage and thank god the sound sucked there because no one heard his 5  minute spiel. His assistants, who, all look like hipsters or at least are in disguise to try and get the hipster vote came up to me prob because i was wearing a superfund gowanus tshirt. This guy with a handlebar moustache started trying to convince me otherwise about the superfund, the timeline being their  biggest worry (it will slow down the course of development) I gave him an earful and i think he didn’t expect me to be as informed about what is going on, who the players are, what exactly is wrong with the canal etc….this other girl stepped in and tried to change the course of the conversation by telling me about some mural project on india street…

I would not elect you, David Yassky, as an apprentice lavatory attendant, dog catcher, fluffer or pin setter at a bowling alley. All the previous “professions” are out-dated. As are you. What frightens me more than anything is the possibility/probability you will drop out of the Comptroller race and run for another term (courtesy of the term limits you overturned) in City Council. So you can screw over  my neighborhood more thoroughly.

You will not get my vote either way. And I will encourage everyone I know to vote against you. And yours.

To quote Jack Nicholson:

This town needs an enema.

Miss Heather


May 18, 2009 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

nicedreamsflippbonqLast month I heard rumblings about how the green market at McCarren Park was facing relocation because the condominium association(s) around McCarren Park claimed it ruined their view.*

Not content with harassing independent farmers it would appear our well-heeled neighbors have set their sights on a new impediment to their quality of life:

Ice cream trucks. Mister Softee himself.

The following flier exclaims:


Let’s taking back McCarren Park from the Ice Cream Vendors!


I have heard Mister Softee’s chimes frequently over the last nine years. Much later than 10:00 p.m. on occasion. I don’t think they were simply shilling ice cream either. But I digress.


You bought a condo overlooking McCarren Park. A park located in north Brooklyn— an area which is sorely under-served in terms of public space. It is spring. Soon it will be summer. There will be ice cream trucks.

What’s more, the 94th Precinct (understaffed as it is) has better things to do than chase ice cream trucks. Get over it.

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams screencap comes courtesy of flippbonq

*This is disputed look at the comments.

To Whom It May Concern On Green Street


If you are the owner of this Honda.


And are wondering why your roof is crushed in.


It’s because the following two fucked-up hipsters decided to make out on your motor vehicle. It must have been a magical moment (or they simply hate imported cars) because our love birds also elected to jump up and down on it as well.


At 4:00 this morning.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: An Open Letter To IDT

April 19, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Asshole, Greenpoint Magic, Manhattan, Williamsburg 

This offering comes from a Harlem resident who would prefer to remain anonymous. We’ll call him/her MS:

On Wednesday, 4/15/09, after being asked to leave, your IDT Agents refused to leave my building, located at [West Harlem address here]. They remained in the building after over 25 minutes of being asked to leave, even though I clarified I was an owner. They also refused to stop bothering my elderly neighbors, after being asked to do so.  Additionally they refused to give me a phone number or phone numbers to allow me to call a supervisor to assist in asking them to leave.  Then I took out my video camera.

There were two female agents, once wore a pink shirt under her coat and the other a gray beret. The agent in the pink shirt said her brother was her boss and he wouldn’t like it if she gave out his phone number, nor could I use her phone and use her minutes. (I offered her $5 to use her phone, but that offer was refused.) Your agents stated I could not make them leave even if I was an owner in the building because someone on the 4th floor buzzed them in. I said if they are guests of that person, they are now out of their apartment, so they need to leave my building. The girl in the beret said something like: Oh it’s your building, yeah right. And I clarified again, that I am an owner in the building and I want them to leave immediately. They said that the last building they were just in someone also called the police and that the police came and said they were allowed to be there. That of course is not true.

After asking the agents to leave for over 10 minutes, I called my super at 1:29pm hoping a man’s presence would convince the agents to leave but he was not available.  I then called IDT at 1:37pm @877-887-6866 and they said they could not call off their agents, and that I’d have to call the police. At 1:41pm I called 311 who transferred me to 911 because your agents were trespassing.

They continued door-to-door and I told each neighbor I saw that I have asked these agents to leave and that I called the police. One agent had already convinced my elderly neighbor to bring them their Con Ed bill and I also told that neighbor I had called the police.

Your agents pretended they called the police to report me and then they began knocking on doors on my first floor, and that is when I went to get my video camera. When officers from the 30th Precinct arrived they said they had received my call but had not received a call from your agents.

Here is the video that I put on youtube, as you will see, per request of your agent Sheena (excised) #6706306.

So far I’ve submitted it to Channel 7(“7 on Your Side”), Fox (“Shame, Shame, Shame”), The Consumerist, The Gothamist, Curbed, NYC bloggers/websites (if they have articles about problems with your agents), and the NYS Public Service Commission.

Under § 140.05 of the New York Penal Law, “[a] person is guilty of trespass when he knowingly enters or remains unlawfully in or upon premises.”

If indeed these are legitimate agents from your company, they have not represented you well.  This is the third time in a few weeks your agents have entered my building and have gone to door-to-door. Please stop sending your agents to Harlem.

And north Brooklyn too for that matter. This person’s experience with IDT’s “professionals” is not terribly unlike a number I have had. When asked to leave they just laugh. This is not a matter of mere youthful impertinence. It is OBNOXIOUS— and constitutes trespassing. Simple as that.

Miss Heather

Thoughts About A Demagogue

April 16, 2009 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Crazy People 

I care not to dwell upon my pre-New York Shitty life. I left Texas in 1996. I have neither been back to the place nor do I plan to go there anytime soon. It’s history. But when certain things are brought to my attention, like the above video which came via The Huffington Post by way of Pa Heather, who wrote:

I guess this means a passport will be needed to enter Texas?

I feel compelled to revisit those not-so-good ol’ days.

The first time I became acquainted with Rick Perry was while pumping gas in Dallas: his name graced each and every gasoline station in the Lone Star State. As (then) Agriculture Commissioner and, it should be noted, Democrat such stuff under his jurisdiction. The second time I encountered Rick Perry was in college. In a classroom, not at a “kegger”. The course in question was either Texas history or economics— I do not recall. But I clearly remember the introduction/caveat the teaching fellow gave us:

  1. She was an avowed conservative Republican— in the truest pre Neo-Con Goldwater sense.
  2. She was against abortion because she thought birth control should be made readily available to everyone.
  3. She promised not let her personal politics color either the discussion in the class room or her grading. She delivered.

What’s more, she utterly detested Rick Perry and was not the least reluctant to make us aware of this fact. Often. She once said he was a member of the “good ol’ boys” network and was seeking  “higher office”. He got it. Albeit as a Republican.

Political turncoats strike me as being like recently converted non-smokers: they turn their ire on those who remind them of what they once were. A more cut and dried way of putting this I suppose would be hypocrisy. But to merely call Rick Perry a hypocrite would do him (and hypocrites in general) a tremendous disservice. He is much more complex.

And stupid.

Rick is correct when he says this piece of legislation concerns both Texans and Americans alike. The reason I left Texas was I, as an American, hated living “under the thumb of tyrants”. A fistful of thumbs including but not limited to racism, sexism, homophobia, antisemitism, anti-intellectualism, and George W. Bush made me aware that, at long last, it was time to go. The state I was born and (largely) raised in no longer existed.

This “frog in the pot” was seared medium rare, got the hell out of Dodge and has since gained the clarity of hindsight (and a more extensive knowledge of cinema and politics) to pigeon hole a bone fide demagogue when she sees one.

The above clip comes from a movie called A Face In The Crowd. It stars Andy Griffith, Patricia Neal and Walter Matthau and, interestingly/ironically enough, was directed by Elia Kazan. This film is over fifty years old yet I find it strangely reminiscent of Perry’s speech. Homespun rugged individualism and “honest cracker barrel talk” posturing as upright citizenship on television which is in reality nothing more than partisan politics, sensationalism and racism. Plain and simple.

Go ahead and secede, Texas Rick. I won’t miss you.

Miss Heather

P.S.: If you’re reading this (p)Rick, I take serious offense at your quoting Sam Houston in your speech. As it would happen, Governor, I am one of his descendants. Obviously I never met the man, but my grandparents told me stories about him. I reputedly sport the “Houstonian jaw” which I am about to unleash on you.

While a slave owner and anti-abolitionist, my forebear was against secession. Sam Houston was “Pro-Union”. After living with Cherokees and watching the Trail of Tears unfold he became aware of the plight of Native Americans. It upset him tremendously. Some of his finer swan songs to this effect can be found in the Congressional Globes dating from the Buchanan Administration, which I happen to possess.

Call it gut instinct (or my Texan cum Brooklyn temperament) but I doubt very much that my great, great, (great ?) Grandpa would fancy being quoted by you, (p)Rick. While hardly a perfect person (I am anything but proud about having a slave owner in my family) he did have principles/a moral center— however misguided. This is something you seem to lack, (p)Rick. I’m going to go out on a limb here but I’d guess Sam Houston, my forebear, would call you an asshole. Or worse.

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